Very tough situation - it can happen to a lot of guys. There’s no doubt in my mind you do NOT have a physical prblm, since you’re able to have erections & ejaculate, it’s just the penetration part that’s getting to you. What happens w/ us guys is, we put tremendous pressure on ourselves to ‘perform’ - I’ve said it before & will again, this is a TERRIBLE word! We’re not trained circus animals that perform a stunt to get a treat! What happens is, we want so badly for evthg to go well, please our partner & ‘be a man’ that we start self-spectating - ‘How am I doing? Is she enjoying this? Will I impress her with my hard erection & staying power?’, etc. These kinds of thoughts are basically disastrous - if you’re putting all this pressure on yourself, you won’t be able to relax & let it happen - high levels of stress cause release of adrenaline, which kills the sexual response.
So the good news is, you don’t have a physical prblm - your Dr is correct that this is a Psychological issue. On the other hand, there are drugs which can help w/ physical prblms, but Psych issues can sometimes be harder to overcome. Altho sometimes giving a ‘boost’ via Biafra, Cialis, etc., can help give a guy confidence & once you’re sort of ‘over the hump’ (no pun intended!), things return to normal without help from a medication, so your Dr. was right to try that - I wdn’t give up on it jus yet - also try Viagra, that might work better for you...
I guess the best advice is to be straight up with your partner, tell her you’re very attracted to her, that it’s definitely NOT related to a lack of attraction & that you two just need to take things slow for awhile, stick to ‘outercourse’ (which can be EXTREMELY pleasurable) for awhile till you’re 100% comfortable with each other. If after a good heart-to-heart about this, she’s stand-offish about it, she’s prbly not the person you were meant to be with anyway.
Bottom line - this is supposed to be FUN, not work! Nothing wrong with ‘working’ on things, like asking your partner what she likes & how, etc., but in the moment, it shd all be about fun & pleasure & take the focus off ‘performing’...
I’d like to add that I’d appreciate hearing from some women readers out there - how did you deal with this type of prblm? Were you able, thru a patient & understanding attitude, to overcome it?
One thing I want to say - and please don’t take this as criticism in any way - but I think SOME women are not as understanding about this issue - after all, most times a woman can still have sex even if she’s not particularly turned on. For example, if she’s not wet enuf, it’s entirely acceptable to use a good lube to enable penetration. So there’s not as much ‘performance’ pressure for her. For a guy, though, if he’s not adequately hard, it’s gonna be a no-go for penetration & that’s just devastating to guy’s self-esteem - he feels like a failure & that he’s not much of a man. I do understand that women have their own issues to deal with - ‘Am I attractive enuf? Does he think my breast are too small? Is he turned if by my (fill in the blank)?’, etc.
So ladies, please chime in with your thoughts on this - maybe we can help Fakenameforme out of a tough situation. Any advice on this would be appreciated...
I agree with the wise BonzoDog. Our minds can sure do a number on us. Is working with your therapist regularly an option?