Aa
My mother always saying negative things to me
I am the youngest of two.
I always felt that my mother never psychologically supported me.
When my husband said “I feel sorry for the way your mom treats you” and my niece asked “Why is grandma always talking to you That way?”, it was as if I woke up. I was so used to her putting me down that didn’t even notice anymore, and was also convinced that I wasn’t good enough!
If I would ask her to babysit my son for 2-3 hours, once a month to out to dinner with my husband but she would get snobbish when I asked so I stopped asking, but she would insist to come to my house the next day and insist that she helps me with the housework.
Today she is 70 and I am 45. I think she loves me but she is always insinuating negative comments about my weight (120lb), my clothes, my spending habits, my house, my cooking, my not being a top student (I have an M.Sc. ), my bad choices in men, house, possessions , my hobbies, my interests …, being such a snob about everything, even though she will brag about other people’s possessions and achievements, especially my brother’s.
The few times I confronted her, she laughed, trying to make me look stupid, wondering out loud why others have such good relationships with their daughters while we don’t.
I try to forgive, forget and excuse her because she had a hard life and I also think my grandmother favored her sister, and because my father passed away when I was a child. In the past she has been supportive in other ways: money gifts, university fees etc., but I feel we are growing apart. I wonder why it has always been so difficult for her to say something positive to me, even though she has been and still is really nice to my brother.
I always felt that my mother never psychologically supported me.
When my husband said “I feel sorry for the way your mom treats you” and my niece asked “Why is grandma always talking to you That way?”, it was as if I woke up. I was so used to her putting me down that didn’t even notice anymore, and was also convinced that I wasn’t good enough!
If I would ask her to babysit my son for 2-3 hours, once a month to out to dinner with my husband but she would get snobbish when I asked so I stopped asking, but she would insist to come to my house the next day and insist that she helps me with the housework.
Today she is 70 and I am 45. I think she loves me but she is always insinuating negative comments about my weight (120lb), my clothes, my spending habits, my house, my cooking, my not being a top student (I have an M.Sc. ), my bad choices in men, house, possessions , my hobbies, my interests …, being such a snob about everything, even though she will brag about other people’s possessions and achievements, especially my brother’s.
The few times I confronted her, she laughed, trying to make me look stupid, wondering out loud why others have such good relationships with their daughters while we don’t.
I try to forgive, forget and excuse her because she had a hard life and I also think my grandmother favored her sister, and because my father passed away when I was a child. In the past she has been supportive in other ways: money gifts, university fees etc., but I feel we are growing apart. I wonder why it has always been so difficult for her to say something positive to me, even though she has been and still is really nice to my brother.
Best Answer
Some people are hypercritical. You think she is only this way with you, but I will bet it is a much engrained trait. Take it with a grain of salt. Look for her unspoken actions. What she says and what she does may be quite different.
I think you need to just decide you have a crabby mother. There's really nothing you can do to change her - she's 70. As I read through your post I was planning to ask what her relationship was like with her mother - but toward the end you said it.
Mothers who had critical, unloving mothers themselves have to struggle mightily to be good mothers themselves - it's not what they've witnessed. As mothers, we are so driven to repeat the same mothering pattern we experienced as children - and those mothers who had wonderful moms have a MUCH easier path than mothers who had uncaring moms.
You don't say whether you have children yourself. If you do, you'll have to be extremely careful to treat them with love.
Best wishes. Sounds like you've got a great husband, loving family, but a crabby mom. That's a lot of positives you could focus on.
Mothers who had critical, unloving mothers themselves have to struggle mightily to be good mothers themselves - it's not what they've witnessed. As mothers, we are so driven to repeat the same mothering pattern we experienced as children - and those mothers who had wonderful moms have a MUCH easier path than mothers who had uncaring moms.
You don't say whether you have children yourself. If you do, you'll have to be extremely careful to treat them with love.
Best wishes. Sounds like you've got a great husband, loving family, but a crabby mom. That's a lot of positives you could focus on.
awww so sorry ...maybe she doesnt know how to be nice to you, I expect she does love you, maybe you should tell her what you have said to us here, tell her it hurts when she puts you down and ask why she does.Make sure there is no antagonism from you, sometimes it takes 2 to tangle ..She is getting older now be nice for you to be good friends ..worth the effort I think ...good Luck
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
