My mother emotionally abuses me as an adult

[icecreamconey]

I have been emotionally abused by my mother for years.  I am her oldest daughter and have two brothers who walk on water in her eyes.  She and my father divorced over 20 years ago and she is still single and impossible to be around.  We thankfully live in different states and only see each other once a year.  I feel like I don't have a mother; just an authoritarian, verbally-abusive very sick individual in my life.  I am 39 years old with two beautiful daughters and a wonderful husband. I swore that I would never walk away from my mother but I can't take much more. When I try and tell her that she is hurting my feelings I become "disrespectful".  She has never apologized for hurting my feelings and this has gone on for years and years...since I was a child and all through the divorce and into my adult life.  She is sick and I am so hurt, so emotionally damaged from years of abuse from her.  How do I handle this?  I do not want to take myself or my kids out of her life but it is unbearable pain.  Why does she feel the need to demoralize me, criticize me, my parenting style, my relationship with my husband?  Even if she is so damaged from her divorce, how can she feel such anger toward me?  I am her daughter.  I cannot even imagine treating my daughters like this.

[amandaelmo]

Just walk away.  Some people will realize what they have lost and change their ways and others will stay the same, it all depends what tye of perso your mom is.  This life is short.  You sound like youve made yourself a nice family.  Don't let anyone ruin the time you have in this life with the family you and your husband have made together, it's not worth it. You deserve to be happy.

[Meliciana]

I understand your being hurt by your mother, and I wouldn't hesitate to walk away. Sick or not, she has no right to treat you like a stomping ground. You need to have that final blow out with her, and leave her to her own devices for a few weeks. Show her what life would be like without you and your babies, and hubby. She doesn't realise that she is toxic to your well being, a mother who doesn't care to listen to how her child grown or not- feels, is not very motherly at all. So she has flaws, we all do. But this again does not give her a right to treat you and yours like crud. Try writing her a letter. sit down, and voice your opinion. wether you send it or burn it is up to you, but you do need to vent, otherwise its all going to come to a head, and you'll explode like a volcano.
Do not give her the power or the means to keep on treating you this way. Be understanding of her situation, do not be naive to yours. Self preservation is a must, and you need to be healthy for your babies, and hubby. Either she gets with the programme and shows you a bit of kindness and decency or you're outta there.
That's what I'd tell her.
It's not easy, and I know its trying, and worrysome, but you have to stand up for you, because no one else will.
all the best,
Meli.