Well, why would you want to continue dating someone that you believe was testing the water to see what your reaction was to him having a threesome with his daughter and a friend???
Even if you just suspect he was trying to tell you that, it's weird.
This seems like a no brainer. Move on and find a better guy.
We CHOOSE who we love. It truly is NOT beyond our control to BE in love (to "BE in love" is the key - we don't "fall" in love - we have choice, it is NOT beyond our control - and it's only a good risk to choose someone who is compatible our standards. and our morals. Character should probably be first on our list. I'm pretty sure moral character would NOT include incest OR three-somes. That's all I would need to hear. I personally don't think that's good relationship material and I would move on. Good Luck with Your CHOICES.
Thanks to both of you for your feedback, I really appreciate it. Just to update you, I really think I'm being paranoid.
I'd leave a man in a heart beat for joking about threesomes with his daughter if it was a joke. Too weird for me. but to each their own. good luck!
I was once in a similar situation. I was young at the time and didn't quite understand what was going on, except that I knew something was odd. I spoke to an older man I knew and he explained things. Then, when I was older and more sophisticated, I ran across the same situation again. This time I did not need an explanation.
Your instincts should be your guide. You feel something kinky is going on. Assume it is.
OK first and foremost RUN....fast! The 3sum thing should be more than enough for you. You do not want to get entangled in something like that, whether or not you have suspicions about incest or no.
The fact that his daughter acts like his wife is really not a big deal if it is ONLY based on the fact that she worries about his whereabouts etc. I am like that with my parents, both of them. I ask who, what, where and why. Its nothing except I am close with them. It all depends FOR ME on the type of relationship we all have and the kind of boundaries your parents set. My mom is an open book and my dad is all up in my grill and doesn't mind that I do the same to him so I ask questions whenever I wish.
However, the fact that he tells you his daughter was right there and his reaction and your reaction RAISES THE REDDEST FLAG THERE IS. NO ONE in their right mind would joke about their kids like that or even think about it. You will end up in some serious trouble if you continue with this man.
Anna
There is something called GSA. I'm going to be straight with you. It is when close family members meet as adults and fall in love. It isn't as rare as people think. So --- did they grow up together???
Sounds like he was testing you. But the thing is, if he's .... an 18 year old... Why would he want you? Valid question. Sorry.
But yes, if you think it's gross or whatever - leave... Or confront him about it?
Sounds like he was being sarcastic as a response to what any man/father.would find to a gross and inappropriate question.He may be the type2joke.so he doesn't get mad and that would make anyone mad!!!
If it doesn't make sense, there's a reason. Trust your gut. You are not being paranoid. Best of luck to you.
She said the man lives with his 18 yr old daughter, not that the man is 18.
that's the kind of thing someone on drugs says to a prostitute. I'm sure you're not being paranoid. threesomes are also things that men say a lot when they're on drugs. does he do drugs?
Hi. I'm a little bit new here. But.... I do agree with that we can CHOOSE, not be dictated to... whom we love. More power to ya, Tinker! Also, I just want to say that I do LOVE & ADORE you & I built character, not just good looks... many years ago.... I just hope someone appreciates it. And I do live in So.FL. But I love the ocean & the lifestyle. I just hope I meet someone who loves my character! I have been building my character for over 30 years. I have been told I am also good looking. BONUS! But..... when I don't have the physical good looks, I hope I have built enough character to meet the man whom I deserve!!!!!
I am a little confused by your original post. You say that they act like a couple, what exactly do you mean? Can you give some details or specific situations that make you feel this way. Also what do you mean when you say, "they are careful not to be too physical" around you? How do you know they are any more physical with each other when they are not around you?
Just from reading what is posted already, I have to say I think that this was just a situation that was awkward for both of you. Keep in mind, YOU were the one that brought up his daughter. His reaction to your question about his daughters whereabouts during a sexual activity may have been strange because it was strange for you to ask the question to begin with. He probably made a joke about it instead of having to be creeped out by his daughter being brought up in the middle of a sexual discussion.
I think the behavior you're describing between the two of them seems normal. I am assuming that they live together, just the two of them, so of course they would be very close and want to know things like when they will be home. Keeping in contact throughout the day is a normal thing between family members.
If you have that feeling and the signs are there then you know the truth already. The question is do you want to continue in a relationship with this person?
I think if these thoughts are going through your head, there is a reason and I doubt you are being paranoid. If you question that this could be happening, that he could do this type of thing, why would you stay?
It's been years since this question was asked but I still want to answer it. This situation could go either way. If he is someone of a sarcastic nature then he was probably just being sarcastic. If he isn't the sarcastic type then I'd be super questioning their relationship because it was such an odd response. But other than the odd response from your boyfriend you didn't actually give any examples of girlfriend types of behavior from the daughter. Also I disagree with people about always trusting your gut. The human mind can sometimes jump to wild conclusions. Especially mine since I am OCD and I sometimes have inappropriate invasive disturbing thoughts/ worries. I sometimes worry people or even myself will do something completely outlandish compared to their nature. Also people bring up an interesting point that if you consider three-somes something you wouldn't be interested in then maybe you aren't a good match. Technically they said you should never date someone interested in three-somes but they are obviously very biased. I say to each their own. Nothing is wrong with a three-some as long as all people involved are consenting adults.
Wonder what happened?! Did he become depressed when the daughter left for college? Did the daughter have a child " out of wedlock "? I bet she moved on!
I know it's years later but just in case... I'm a incest victim ( biological father ) and he too would make jokes like this to his girlfriend's. Other dad's ( good, gentleman dads ) didn't and wouldn't even think of such a thing. So if you're still in that ( I pray not ) or encounter a similar situation, RUN...That's not just instinct sweetie, that's God telling you that it wasn't right. Don't blame the daughter though. She may seriously not know any better. I was brainwashed into believing ( I was so young just barely over 10 ) that it was normal, just not ever talked about. Then almost a year later I was told that if I conceived he'd beat it out of me and if I ever said anything he'd kill me. A child/teenager/even woman can easily just play a role to try and make it easier while praying to God to send someone to help.
If you feel this is going on and if you feel uncomfortable it would probably be best to leave him
Trust your instincts and judgement. Most often, they are correct. What stood out to me is that you said they seem like a married couple, and she calls to find out when he's coming home. The 'joke' he told you, is probably not a joke, Im sorry to say. Someone who really respected his family, and respected you and was worth your time wouldnt joke like that. Even if there's nothing going on, it's not a healthy or safe place for you to be.
..the daughter needs help too, because she's being grossly abused. She's only 'ok' with it, because to her it's normal- it's always been there. Parents are supposed to teach what's right, and what's wrong, and this young woman has been violated.
Trust your instincts..... Run do not walk the other way!!!
Everyone here is on the same page. God gave us instincts for a reason. Unless you're on medication that could affect your reasoning, TRUST IT. There are some really sick folks out there. Heck it may not even be his daughter. Who's to say you haven't walked into a real life Law & Order SVU?
It's been years since your initial post so hopefully by now you know. It's very plausible my ex and his adult daughter has a going on. I felt the same way but thought it was too bizarre until I caught them right about to engage in some kinds of sexual act. He confessed, I left but years later I believe it's still going on. He has a fiancee but they still act like a married couple, the daughter him. It's the most disturbing thing that I've ever witnessed. It's been over 6 years ago and I still can't get it completely out of my mind.
You probably are right about this.even if you stay with him and he is having sex with her it won't stop. So break up with him.