Would you consider this a type of abuse?

[msmischief]

My husbands ex wife is a very bitter person.  She hasn't forgiven my husband for divorcing her and doesn't allow their sons to have a relationship with their dad.  These are grown young men, 24 & 25 years.  At that age they should be able to make their own decisions, have a relationship with their dad if they want right?  Not that easy here.  She gloats to my husband that he'll never know his grandkids, that if he doesn't do this or that the boys will never speak to him again.  She has ruined her sons credit, by opening accounts with them and not making payments.  She encouraged them to take out student loans and not to pay, because "your dad should pay". She discourages any independence in them. The eldest..25 expressed an interest in managing his own finances, opening his own checking account.  She discouraged this, by making him feel guilty, by telling him that he should concentrate on school and not worry about money, she'd handle everything..and their dad should pay it anyway.  She recently went to a bankruptcy attorney and now wants my husband not only to pay for hers, but their sons bankruptcy fees as well.  While in school, she'd call them crying in the middle of the night to complain about their dad, how much he hates them all..even though she knows they have an early test the next day.  She takes no responsibility for anything and is handicapping her sons by encouraging them to rely on their dad for money instead of getting jobs, helpiing out a little etc.  It's to the point that they don't want anything to do with their dad, but they have a sense of entitlement that he owes them and they are hateful and resentful if he doesn't have the money they want.  yet, when he does try to help out, there is never a thank you. I'm sorry, but what kind of mother encourages this kind of behaviour?  In my mind they will never have girlfriends (neither has had a serious girlfriend, both are nice looking, smart etc). Will they ever realize what's going on? Can we do anything?

[teko]

I think due to the ages of the children, the decision to be independent and have a relationship with their dad is on them.  Whatever happened during the marriage has long sense become irrelevant other than how the children feel about it. The adults need to accept the decisions of the children and quit bickering. My grown children do exactly as they want, not much has to do with how I or their dad feel about it. As it should be.

[jo929]

If your husband gives them money, he is making cripples out of them, and they will have no future, he needs to tell them the truth and tell them he loves them, but they are grown and need to grow up and go to work  luck  jo

[margypops]

You know my first thought has to be these are grown men, and can make their own descisions,I gather they live with their Mother.Your husband doesnt have to give them money , if he does he is enabling them not to work.,in my opinion he should let them earn their own money and look after his own Family.If they choose not to have anything to do with them it is thier choice, so maybe it would be a good idea to let go of it all, dont concern yourself, let them find their own way,he is their Dad fi they love and want him to be part of their life they will do so, I appreciate it is hard seeing all this from your perspective, but really concentrate on your husband he is your Family.let the others do what they like .Good Luck