Disliked by my mother.

[HelpMe305]

I am a 22 year old female who lives at home with mom. My mother, who has five children, we all grew up together has raised us without our fathers. I am the second, I have an older brother. All my life my mother has treated me badly. When I was younger she would hit me, more then a normal spanking. She has never been affectionate towards me nor has she told me she loved me. Growing up she had a boyfriend who molested me, when she found out she smacked me and called me a liar. I was 11. At the age of 15 I started working. She would make me pay rent. It seems to me that she is only nice for convenience. I now am a mother of a four year old son, whom she loves dearly. She treats him like a king, I am not jealous but a little surprised because of our relationship. My aunts have told me that she has always been mean to me since I was born. Now I am 22, i consider myself a strong person however I still feel hurt from all the years of pain she caused me. Till this very day she is bipolar, sometimes I wonder if I should remove myself from her life and learn to live without a mother or appreciate the mother I have. Can anyone tell me why she treats me thus way? Or what kind of response I should give her???

[margypops]

good input AuntyK24  totally agree with you ..good luck HelpMe305

[AuntyK24]

Its good that u are thinking of yourself. We all need to do that sometimes, and it's not selfish at all. U being happy makes things look good for your son and he will soon understand. As will ur mother. She will see how haPpy u are and want to be a Part of that and from there u can set som boundaries with her.

[HelpMe305]

As much as I hate to admit, I want her love. It's sad that she can't see that and I'm sure one day she will push everyone away and b all alone. I have a good heart n never wish bad upon anyone, but I need to think of myself first. I hope that her relationship with my son is always a happy one, I know how bipolar she can be.  I will keep you all informed of when my life makes a turn for the better.  I have a few things I need to do for myself before I can b truly happy.  God bless.  

[AuntyK24]

I am 24 and the youngest of 3 children. I was taken away from my mother at age15 and her rights were terminated. I did very well away from her. But I always find myself coneing back to her. The last time I moved out when I was 22 I didn't plan on ever coming back to her but I had no other options financially. We fight all the time. I chose to stay around her because she is the only mother I have. All children grow up with hopes that their parents will like them or love them some day but very few get that. I just deal with her now. I live with get but don't come home till later and don't spend much time with her to avoid fighting. But it was much much better when I lived apart from her and saw her only on my terms. My anxiety and depression level went way down. And I was somewhat happy. I think it's good that u get a chance to move out. U can choose when u want to see her or let your child see her. She does love you, even if she does not say it or act like she does. If she didn't she wouldn't adore your child like she does. Even if u think she doesn't love you, you can't take away the love you have for her. She is your mother and always will be. Its in our nature to love those who raised us no matter how poorly they did at it.

[overopiates]

   Ur doing the right thing by not having the negativity in ur life by making plans to move out.Ur also a smart woman and a good person to not restrict/eliminate ur son from seeing her when u move out.I have had to eliminate a family member out of my life because of constant negativity among her other issues(I believe mental health)as well as alcoholism and cocaine abuse/use.Ironically this person looked her nose down at pills(not just addictive ones but anti deppresants etc things that help people which she CLEARLY needs that's beside the point just letting u know all families have people that make it tough or impossible to b around them and we can't do anything to fix them).My point is that u can't change her but u can change ur situation.U said u were happy not having contact n the past.After u move u will only have contact reguarding her seeing ur son.Make that short and if u ever hear of her speaking badly about u n his presence then u will need to probably end the visits(n other words make it clear u want him n her life but its not ok to speak badly about u if he is around).Good luck.

[allmymarbles]

Wise decision.

[HelpMe305]

I guess then what u would have to ask myself is, how much do I actually need her in my life. I would rather keep my money, than to buy her "fake" respect. I am currently making plans to move out in the upcoming months. I don't thinks it's necessary to. Exclude her from my sons life however, a little distance goes a long way.

[allmymarbles]

Yes, Virginia, money can buy happiness. In exchange for supporting you, she abuses you. Here is where a little of the green stuff would help. Sad to say, but money buys respect, at least from those who are poor in spirit.

[margypops]

I dont think you should disconnect from her I think we need our Moms where it is possible and I think reading your post it may be possible , imagine how your child will feel not to see her or be part of her life. Now dont get me wrong she hasn't done well and I can see why you are feeling so hurt, but I am thinking some plain talking maybe some counseling may help you and her .You say you have some ups and downs and it does sound as if you would miss her ..my opinion is you try to work it out maybe with some help ..good luck

[HelpMe305]

I have stopped speaking to her before, it was nice, no arguing no critism no megativity.  Unfortunately I needed a place to live and she offered. We have our ups and downs. I mean it could be worse, I just feel like everything is to her convenience. Im never good enough for her. I guess I wonder how I can fill the void she left me. I would love to not miss her. I want her to be an irrelevant person in my life.

[RockRose]

You might want to spend a couple hours reading through this forum - there are a LOT of adult "children" like you.

I think you should disconnect from her.  But it appears young women like you typically can't.

Best wishes.

[allmymarbles]

You, yourself, has said she does not like you, so it would be best if you lived apart from her. And without your constant presence, who knows, she may actually miss you and feel some affection.