Aa
Multiple sexual abuse
Im 16 and from the age of 7 to 9 I was sexually abused by 3 different people. I just recently told my mom about my brother and she does not completely believe me because every time she has asked since I close up more and don't give her details. I have put up a mental block so some things I don't remember to be able to tell her but I do know that what he did went beyond the normal curiosity of children. He told me I deserved it and that nobody would believe me if I told on him and he is 6 and a half years older than me. My uncle and family friend also did this but only my brother knew he wasn't the only one. I have not told my mom about my uncle because him and his wife and 2 kids live next door and I feel as I I would be ruining their family. His wife is the actual person related to me and I love her very much and I dot want to see her go through that. I just don't know how to cope with my mom not believing me or how to deal with the uncomfortable feeling every time I am near my brother or uncle
i apolgise for the vast array of typos in my post.good grief..i think i broke a record
there area few reasons as to why it might be difficult to prove anything.while some molestors are predatory some are not.many claim that all child moklestors NEVER stop molesting.those that continue are classified as being predatory.they search or seek out or otherwise put themselves in to situations wherein they'll be around and alone with children.those that are not classified as predatory may have moletsed a child or children due to a current,at the time situation..lonliness and depression for example.maybe a time in their life when they dealt with their issue(s) by molesting.there are many cases where lonliness has cause people to moleste children ,but what occurs is that their life turns around,they'v suddenly got a wife or girlfriend or familyor something elsewise turn their life around and the molestation literally discontinues.molesters that aren't predatory and have commited the crime merely form lonliness,often times are 1 or 2 time molestors.this makes it difficult and next to impossible to bring them to have them arrested much less bring them to trial,especially if much time has passed since the incident.the vast majority of child molestors are probably predatory.but there is that group that is not.there's probably more of that type out there than what even most psychiatrists suspect.is it possible that any of these people you speak of are not predatory but are the type i speak of?
Hi sorry I haven't commented back I was having technical difficulties with this post. I appreciate all of your help so much. If youve read my other posts you seen I have a slight guy problem but I dropped the ex and alcoholic and I really think this older one is a keeper. He hasn't thought about another girl since he met me in January of this past year. Anyways again I thank all of you so much
I know what you mean about "Failed as a mother" because I feel that way right now but I would prefer to know than not to. Pedophiles need to be in prison where they belong, Angel. Once pedophiles have abused they never stop. For your own safety and for others (who may be their next target) speak with your Aunt and tell her what has happened.
Take Care, Angel.
PS I agree with everything Nighthawk61 has said. I'm always here if you need to talk xxx
Take Care, Angel.
PS I agree with everything Nighthawk61 has said. I'm always here if you need to talk xxx
Is it any wonder you've had problems (the disappointment of the family) with what happened to you. I know it's asking alot from a person your age, and of course of your boyfriend cuz it sounds like you to are meant to be together, to deal with this whole adult topic on your own. Maybe some day. It's a lot to ask . that's for sure. Keeping yourself safe is number 1. I'm glad that you are dressing conservatively around him, that's important not to give him the message that it's okay what he did, that you have been changed because of it. Mainly i think that you need to get counseling when you can, to talk about it. You don't have to do this through school, you can contact a sexual hot line for advice specific to this abuse. I'm glad to hear that you're taking school seriously and thank God that it hasn't affected your grades. Good Girl. Keep safe. Keep posting. You'll never be alone if you don't want to be. There's always somebody on here to talk to. You can make personal friends here to, you just have to send a personal message. Best wishes to your new year at school. I hope that your boyfriend and you have many many happy years to come. It happens. keep smiling.
It has never affected my grades but thank you:) my boyfriend now is older but he is disgusted by people like my uncle and he is the kindest person I know. Haha yeah I know I'm 16 but I think he's a keeper.anyways I was in therapy from 7th to the end of 9th grade for unrelated things. I am going into my junior year now and I'm getting better but I still get freaked out if my uncle even looks at me. Him and his family live literally right next door to me so I always dress very conservatively when he is home. I know she deserves to know what her husband is but I feel like I'm the disappointment of the family so I feel like if he Denys it she might believe him even though she loves me. She's always been there for me and I just really don't want to put her through that pain, they've been together since they were 16
It has never affected my grades but thank you:) my boyfriend now is older but he is disgusted by people like my uncle and he is the kindest person I know. Haha yeah I know I'm 16 but I think he's a keeper.anyways I was in therapy from 7th to the end of 9th grade for unrelated things. I am going into my junior year now and I'm getting better but I still get freaked out if my uncle even looks at me. Him and his family live literally right next door to me so I always dress very conservatively when he is home. I know she deserves to know what her husband is but I feel like I'm the disappointment of the family so I feel like if he Denys it she might believe him even though she loves me. She's always been there for me and I just really don't want to put her through that pain, they've been together since they were 16
It has never affected my grades but thank you:) my boyfriend now is older but he is disgusted by people like my uncle and he is the kindest person I know. Haha yeah I know I'm 16 but I think he's a keeper.anyways I was in therapy from 7th to the end of 9th grade for unrelated things. I am going into my junior year now and I'm getting better but I still get freaked out if my uncle even looks at me. Him and his family live literally right next door to me so I always dress very conservatively when he is home. I know she deserves to know what her husband is but I feel like I'm the disappointment of the family so I feel like if he Denys it she might believe him even though she loves me. She's always been there for me and I just really don't want to put her through that pain, they've been together since they were 16
Please believe that your auntie would be better off knowing that her husband was a *********. She needs to be given the opportunity to deal with this. It would take a lot of courage on your part, but you need to stand up for yourself and give yourself back some of the power that was taken from you. You would not be exposing him for attention. You would be exposing him out of a responsibility to yourself and others. While it might be easier to try to ignore this is would be best to expose it. You're sixteen, are you planning on attending a post secondary education. You need to be sure to get an education so that you can afford to look after yourself properly and not have to be tied to any family members that you choose to avoid. You have to be careful that you do not choose the kind of male that you have known in your family. I believe that you can get counseling anonymously, so you can choose when and if you want to expose your uncle. Get some good advice. You must find and adult that believes you and really understands the impact this could have on your adult life. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. The best revenge is to have a happy life, something that must be fleeting for a *********. If you need to talk please send a pm. Bless you and best wishes at school this new school year. Do your very best, it will be worth a whole lot if you don't let this affect your school work negatively.
I don't think she believes me because if she believes it's true then she'll have " failed" as a mother which I guess is understandable but she couldn't have been by my side 24/7 so she couldn't have stopped it unless I had told her then but at first I didn't even know it was wrong. I mean when you're little everything someone older says HAS to be true because that's just how most little kids think. By the time I realized it wasn't right they told me it was my fault and I asked for it do my mom would be mad at me and not them so I didn't say anything. I don't want to put my uncle in jail because that would tear my aunts family apart and she has enough to deal with because she has 2 special children
Aww Sweetheart!
Firstly if I could give you a big hug I would. No child should have to put up with what you are coping with.
Now with your comment about "I just recently told my mom about my brother and she does not completely believe me because every time she has asked since I close up more and don't give her details. "
This is very common, how do I know? My youngest daughter told me in august last year she had been abused by her grandfather. He is already in prison for abusing 3 other girls. It took me well over 6 weeks to get the full story from her. She would mention something to me and then refuse to talk about it again. With gentle coaxing I got everything from her and I believe her fully. My older daughter has too been abused but not to the same extent (I hope). Although my oldest seems to have blanked it because when she was questioned by the police she said "When she thinks of what happened she only sees white snow." Though she did remember a few things and remembered she hated going over there to visit.
As for the alcohol and drug abuse my neice (who was also abused) went through the same. Acting out at school, at home. Swearing and hitting her mother and sisters. She came forward in 2008 she was 18.
Everything you are saying is everything my family is living through at the moment.
By the way it's not a cry for attention, it's a cry for help, Angel. You were abused by 3 men. You have every right in the world to cry out for help but dont be ashamed about it remember it wasnt your fault.
You should really confide with someone in your family. If you dont think your mum is listening you need to speak to someone else. Someone you trust. If all else fails, go to the police. Although you should really do that anyway. There is only one place for Pedophiles and that is behind bars or 12 foot under. Dirty swines!
Sending you lots of love xxx
Just a thought, have you given any idea to keeping a diary/journal. A log where you can write down what happened as you remember it. Maybe having something in writing might help your mum to understand what you have gone through.
Firstly if I could give you a big hug I would. No child should have to put up with what you are coping with.
Now with your comment about "I just recently told my mom about my brother and she does not completely believe me because every time she has asked since I close up more and don't give her details. "
This is very common, how do I know? My youngest daughter told me in august last year she had been abused by her grandfather. He is already in prison for abusing 3 other girls. It took me well over 6 weeks to get the full story from her. She would mention something to me and then refuse to talk about it again. With gentle coaxing I got everything from her and I believe her fully. My older daughter has too been abused but not to the same extent (I hope). Although my oldest seems to have blanked it because when she was questioned by the police she said "When she thinks of what happened she only sees white snow." Though she did remember a few things and remembered she hated going over there to visit.
As for the alcohol and drug abuse my neice (who was also abused) went through the same. Acting out at school, at home. Swearing and hitting her mother and sisters. She came forward in 2008 she was 18.
Everything you are saying is everything my family is living through at the moment.
By the way it's not a cry for attention, it's a cry for help, Angel. You were abused by 3 men. You have every right in the world to cry out for help but dont be ashamed about it remember it wasnt your fault.
You should really confide with someone in your family. If you dont think your mum is listening you need to speak to someone else. Someone you trust. If all else fails, go to the police. Although you should really do that anyway. There is only one place for Pedophiles and that is behind bars or 12 foot under. Dirty swines!
Sending you lots of love xxx
Just a thought, have you given any idea to keeping a diary/journal. A log where you can write down what happened as you remember it. Maybe having something in writing might help your mum to understand what you have gone through.
I doubt any of thertold the others my brother and uncle would go to the grave denying it to anyone. My mom never even confronted my brother about it so yes she would rather keep the family but her younger sister, my aunt would most likely take my side if she knew about her husband but she follows my mom about my brother and says nothing but doesn't question me when I don't want to go see him and his new baby
Isn't it rather coincidental that three members of your family circle molested you? My guess is that one of the three told the other two, knowing of their propensities. Pretty squalid.
If you speak out you think that no one will believe you, and that your mother will think "it's a cry for attention." In other words, the family would fight to keep itself together and make you a scapegoat. That puts you in a very difficult situation, and here is where temperament comes into play. Some people would fight for the truth and not care what anyone thought. Others would suffer at the loss of love. It would help your recovery if you knew where you stood.
If you speak out you think that no one will believe you, and that your mother will think "it's a cry for attention." In other words, the family would fight to keep itself together and make you a scapegoat. That puts you in a very difficult situation, and here is where temperament comes into play. Some people would fight for the truth and not care what anyone thought. Others would suffer at the loss of love. It would help your recovery if you knew where you stood.
Yes I know he could be doing the same to others but he's hardly ever alone with my little cousin and I'm hoping he doesn't. In seventh and 8th grade I acted out a lot and put my mom through a lot. There was a lot of alcohol and drug abuse but I've been a lot better since last summer when I got an unfortunate " wake up call" I still will occasionally drink but I haven't in a while because I like to be in control of what I'm doing and more importantly what the people around me are doing. I want to tell my mom about my uncle but she hardly believes me about my brother and I feel like because of my past she'll think it's a cry for attentiom
I agree with Godisfaithful that it's likely your uncle has molested other children, and will molest more in the future if he's not stopped. i really don't necessarily feel the same about your brother - sexual behavior between young teens and younger children isn't necessarily indicative of a *********, and it is quite possible that as your brother grew up and had more appropriate outlets for his sexual behavior, touching girls a little younger than him stopped. That's the prayer anyway. But for your uncle, if he was an adult at the time he molested you, chances are extremely high there are more and continuing victims.
I also think it's REALLY healthy for you to take stock of your life now and sort out things that you are responsible for, and things you aren't. You aren't responsible for being molested when you were a child, but if there are decisions and behaviors you are engaging in now, that may have been influenced by having been molested much earlier, you CAN work to change. If you are acting out and making life difficult for yourself with behaviors that you can now see clearly and control, you're way ahead of the game in healing and maturity. So many girls at your age who act out either don't even realize how much they are harming themselves, or realize it and fully dump all the blame and hopelessness on their past. To say "I can't blame anyone bur myself for some of the things" is really a healthy forward thinking thought process.
God bless.
I also think it's REALLY healthy for you to take stock of your life now and sort out things that you are responsible for, and things you aren't. You aren't responsible for being molested when you were a child, but if there are decisions and behaviors you are engaging in now, that may have been influenced by having been molested much earlier, you CAN work to change. If you are acting out and making life difficult for yourself with behaviors that you can now see clearly and control, you're way ahead of the game in healing and maturity. So many girls at your age who act out either don't even realize how much they are harming themselves, or realize it and fully dump all the blame and hopelessness on their past. To say "I can't blame anyone bur myself for some of the things" is really a healthy forward thinking thought process.
God bless.
That I know of he has never attempted to touch his daughter or son. My brother tried to do the same to my little cousin when I was 8 because we were living with them at the time but I caught him before he had done any harm and threatened to tell on him. I am trying to find faith but Si many horrible things have happened to me. I can't blame anyone but myself for some of the things
Hi, I understand most of what you are going through. I am a Christian and if it was not for Jesus in my life, I would have lost it. He has helped and continues helping me through the molestation. I was also molested by an older cousin. I'm just finding out my other female cousins were molested by the same cousin. To him I guess he felt he was just experiencing. But, not so. My victory came when I forgave my attacker. I was also touched on my breast in front of others by my brother. I also had to forgive him. So many people have been molested and won't come forth and tell. It may not seem like it, but the best thing you did was to come forth. You also have to realize if your uncle molested you, he can very well molest other children; even his own. I will pray for your family because I know this is very hard. If you could live with another relative so you're not next door to your uncle, that would be great. You do that because living so close hinders your recovery... If you like to talk or someone to pray for you, just send me a message.
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