Need advice

[yorkielover592]

Hi!
I am new here.  I am 59 years old and have been emotionally, verbally and psychologically abused my entire life.  I come from a very abusive family of origin.  I was the third oldest of four children.  My oldest sister died about 4 years ago so now there is only three of us left.  My 87 year old mother encouraged my siblings to abuse me.  I had no voice.  Whenever I attempted to defend myself I was immediately shot down.  I have a very low self esteem and believe I am worth nothing.  

At the present time my family has completely shunned me and I am very physically ill.  The doctors won't listen to me.  My mother in the past just yells and screams at me, says nasty things to me, denies she has ever done anything wrong.  At the moment I just want to die.  I am suffering horrendously and am having great difficulty typing his.  I feel like I am losing my mind.  I have already lost the will to live.  Advice please.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, You need to disassociate yourself from this environment and create your own life and inner circle of people that can add excitement and value to your life.
And one good thing is that you already have started this by finding us. This is a site where you can share your feelings and get all the old abuse out of your system and part of the reason its there is because the circle of people that are around you are reinforcing it.
Please continue to share yourself with us.

[sic0902]

It takes a strong person to put up with that for such a long time. Only a fighter could make it out of a situation like that. You have a lot of fight left in you. Don't give up on life. Remember that only the strong survive. Focus on getting well first. Once you get better pick something you have always wanted to do like for example go to Paris or something. Chase after that dream. If that isn't enough if you can get a pet. That way you will have someone to rely on you possibly give you a new sense of purpose or just a reason to get out of bed everyday. I hope this helps and always keep your head up.

[RockRose]

Yorkielover,  I wonder,  what specifically were you hoping to get as far as advice?  (I don't mean that to sound cold,  I mean it to sound warm).

I agree with SM.  But when you read back through your post,  you must realize there is really only one solution - to distance yourself from your toxic family.

Were you hoping for validation of that,  or did you have another idea of the kind of advice you would get?

Best wishes.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  so very very sorry you are in such a bad place right now.  

Couple of questions----  your family--  mother who encouraged abuse and siblings that went along with it . . .   years later, why are you still trying to gain anything from them??  That is sad to me as I know it is natural to hope things will change and to almost 'never' give up.  But you have to let that go.  You can't convince your mom she was wrong.  She's lived her whole life as a mockery of a mother.  At 87, she's not going to admit she was horrible.  She just won't.  Don't hope she does.  It's a waste of your much needed energy.

Your siblings are older.  How do they feel about their childhood and the way they've treated you?  They are shunning you?  Well, sweetie, you haven't done anything wrong.  They are products of their poor upbringing and a home that allowed/promoted abuse.  They were part of the cycle and who knows, maybe continuing it in their own families.  Certainly, they are unkind to shun you in a time of need.  I totally agree but perhaps this is all they know.  I'm very sorry you were dealt this family of heartless people.

Did you ever marry or have kids yourself??