How do I actually kick my addict out and keep him away???

[jjjjjen5]

Ok.. I have read a few posts.  I need some advice and assurance of doing the right thing...My twins who are now 20 year old men/boys both got addicted to smoking heroin almost 2 years ago now.  I have sent one to rehab twice and the second time, has worked - he is now 8 months clean working and living out of state SOBER and a joy to talk to and visit with.  Thank God!!  So his twin, went to rehab completed 90 days out state came back home and relapsed immediately.  I got him to go back to rehab out of state 2 months ago, he detoxed then was headed to the residential rehab and was kicked out.  I bought him a bus ticket home because he was in the same city as his sober twin on the streets for a day sucking the sober twin into his "helplessness".  So he is here in my home.  He has a warrant for a ticket for trespassing he didn't go to court on.  He lies, he smokes heroin in his bedroom, we have everything and I mean everything on lockdown, garage, safe for my purse..etc.  I told him Friday he has to go to rehab or find a place to live because the drugs can't be here.  he said im not doing drugs I just found this stuff its old when I walk in on him with foil and a "tudor".  He doesn't take me serious.  But after over 2 years of rehabs, prayer detox, theft lying, sleepless nights, running people off calling dope dealers - losing my mind.  I have exhausted my every avenue.  My husband and I have 2 sons that are 4 and 5 that are his little brothers that are getting too old and I can't let my whole house go down with him... How do I get him literally out the door?  How should I get him out to stay out and not come to my door begging to come in for food or shower and his little brothers saying mom let him in he is my brother... it is extremely hard to say no to that... what would you do how do I get this addict out... I love my son sooo much but he has no motivation to change when there are no consequences - free bedroom free food do what he wants.... someone tell me how do I get him out and not hurt.. I feel if I do this he will end up dead and I will have guilt.. I feel like if I do it it's saying goodbye .. his mind isn't right.  I will say when I went for family weekend on his first rehab he was so pleasant to be around and I knew then I would cherish the time with him because nothing is guaranteed when he gets out... and he hasn't been that sober kid since he left there.  My whole house is suffering.  My husband has been beyond understanding putting up wth the disrespect and the 20 year old that lays around and doesn't work...  He's a handsome smart kid stuck in a trap... I just don't know what to do anymore - I have lost him... I love him but I can't bear to be around him.. it's horrible.. he is in the kitchen babbling right now as I type this making himself some food...  what do I do????  pay for him a cheap apartment?? I don't want to get beat up how stupid I am.. I want advice from someone who's been through it and can give me the confidence in making the right decision to stop enabling and be free of the darkness of addiction in my home.  thanks....

[Rachelbbbbb82]

Everybody's answer throw them to the curb....he isn't as fortunate as his twin....never turn your back in family especially your son wth

[Rachelbbbbb82]

You dont

[Dia52]

I live in New York state and my heroin addict stepson is currently incarcerated. He will be released in June of 2017. We have already told him he cannot come back to this house. Right now I am struggling trying to find a place for him but most places demand that he commit himself to recovery. As others have said you cannot force a person who is of legal age to go into recovery. If he refuses I will drive him to a homeless shelter or to a friend's house. It has been 10 years of theft lies and drugs and I cannot do it anymore.

[vandomo]

Hello. In 2015, I had a friend of a friend who was going to be made homeless. I offered to let her stay in my apartment for a couple of weeks, so she could get herself onto a maintenance prescription and find alternative accommodation. She even had a friend who gave her money for a deposit for accommodation, but she went and spent it all on Crack-Cocaine and Heroin. She had money for Crack-Cocaine and Heroin, but none to help me pay the bills. When I got paid, she wanted me to buy drugs and to pay the bills at the same time. She caused problems between my neighbours and me, by rinsing them dry and she absolutely rinsed me dry. I was told by having her at my flat, that I was in breach of my tenancy agreement etc. and she still wouldn't take the hint. She ran up a £724.00 using my phone to call drug dealers and now I am having to pay the bill off through a debt collecting agency in instalments. It got to the point that she was taking me for a right idiot and it was coming blatantly obvious. Every morning, the first thing that came out of her mouth, was that I am rattling. On the morning of the 1st July 2016, I was so outraged, I couldn’t take anymore of her deviousness and I went into the Police station and asked them to remove her from my flat, as she wouldn’t leave voluntarily. I had to be honest with the police and told them how she was rinsing me dry, letting all the drug dealers and drug users into my flat and was treating it as a brothel so she could have clients to make money for her drug habit. The Police agreed to remove her from my flat and she must have had the shock of her life, as she thought it was me coming home. She was removed from my flat and she came back the next day to collect her belongings and tried to get me out of my flat to twist me around her little manipulating finger, by asking me to come and help her find her mobile phone. I was switched on and I didn’t fall for it. I shouted to her get out of the building or I will call the Police. She called me a paedophile, which is a typical Crackheads move when you’re not buying drugs or giving them money for drugs anymore. Therefore, in my opinion, it is better to not help drug addicts whatsoever and let them get their own life together, as every time you help them, they’ll take you for a right idiot and rinse you dry. My advice to anyone who has a drug user in their home, if they are not taking you seriously by trying to get themselves clean, then ask them to leave and if they don’t, get the Police to come and remove them from you’re home. They’ll probably give you a load of abuse and blame you for everything; but it’s their fault that they are in the situation that they have created for themselves.

Thanks
Domo.

[AShellof_Me]

My heart goes out to you ~~.... my son is also a heroine/meth addict. He's been addict for about 10 years. It's been a long journey... I wish I had answers for you. What I can say is I can after many years of all of this now see my part is enabling his drug use by allowing him to either live with me or providing him a shelter of some kind... "pay for an apartment" or other.

He's been to rehab twice - left twice. Been two sober living twice - left twice. He's been missing now for two weeks... I know how scary it is to let go. Let our sons go ~ push them out the door and let them experience the FULL consequences of THEIR OWN sickness and choices.... ugh... sigh... it's painful and quite torturous for us as mammas. I know. I know. But what is the alternative? We get sick along with them ~ don't we? Physically, emotionally, spiritually? How can we be who are meant to - healthy for ourselves and our husband and our other children if we don't take care of ourselves? yeah?

It's so hard to believe we deserve or can be happy when our child is so evidently hurting... but it IS OKAY to be happy. And we can be... You're NOT alone jjjen. I want to encourage you to step out and get some help for YOU.  I go to counseling and just began going to al-anon meetings... and this forum has been tremendously helpful to me!! Reaching out here is a great first step jjjen!  I applaud you for that! :)  WE are POWERLESS over our addict child. There most likely is NO human power that can restore him to sanity... a higher power must do that... we must let go and let God my friend.

Please consider al-anon or counseling... there is also celebrate recovery through the church. YOU need support. I did, and it has made ALL the difference for me... my days are still hard. My heart still hurts... I pray hard, but I know God is in control and somehow I am able to better handle my days ONE day at a time.

Praying for you peace and wisdom and comfort as you walk through this day and forward through this journey. May God bless you and heal your son.

[mariedc]

You say:

"I told him Friday he has to go to rehab or find a place to live because the drugs can't be here.  he said im not doing drugs I just found this stuff its old when I walk in on him with foil and a "tudor".  He doesn't take me serious."

I am sorry to hear you are going through this.  Where is he getting money for his drugs?  

You could try telling him that continuing to live at your house now requires twice a week drug testing.  If he is positive he will have a choice of rehab or leaving.   You can buy the drug tests at the drug store (you'll need to do this for immediate implementation) or order them off the internet (much cheaper). It could be outpatient (cheaper, but more household tension) with continued drug testing and then inpatient rehab if he fails again.

This has the advantage of more the drug test telling him he has to leave than you.  Drug tests are objective and highly accurate.  If he doesn't want to do the drug tests, that is a pretty sure sign he is using and he needs to go to rehab or leave.

Line up a rehab in advance--I'd look for one that would try to get him on naltrexone/Vivitrol right after detox.  This greatly increases the odds of staying clean.

[ROSYouralright]

He isn't going to change until he is ready to and as painful as it is for you the very worst thing you can do is continue to enable him. If he doesn't have food, showers or a place to sleep he really has to learn those are the consequences of his choices.. Right now their are no repercussions to him.. Its you, your husband, and small kids who are suffering. I know it's not easy but you have to let him suffer the consequences of his actions. As long as you are supporting him and picking up the pieces he has no reason to quit. I'm sorry your going through this.

[jjjjjen5]

oh geez.. you have a painful story.. but thank God she made it away from that lifestyle and you... that is awesome.  He doesn't have a record or been to juvy and calling the cops is very hard for me.. I hope my story ends like yours did!!!

[jjjjjen5]

geez.. sorry to hear your story.. it made me tear up...it hurts so bad..i hope your brother is well!!!  Thanks for sharing with me.  I find it hard to call the cops on him.  He has no record or charges, except for this trespass ticket that turned to warrant and I refuse to pay.  My husband wants to go tomorrow and get eviction papers and he would if it weren't for me.  I se you say don't do it unless your 100%.  I feel like I am, I just don't know if I will cave when the time comes... I see him as very sick and helpless.  I just wish I could move away....  i'll be back to keep you updated.  

[gnarly_1]

Hi well I have been there with my youngest daughter it s ucked but I had the support of my other 4 kids so we gave her the rules and told her it was zero Torrence she had to be part of the family and since she was still living at home we gave her a 12am curfew the first night out she dident come home and later that day my wife packed up her
her stuff and had it out on the porch she got arrested a week later and had to do 2 ys for possession with the intent to sell  for us it was a break at least we new where she was she actually ran away from home countless time and spent more time living on the street and in juvi detention then she did at home the best thing that came out of it was recovery she has been clean since 20 and now has 5yr clean thanks to N/A the program it  works if you work it the 12 steps teach you to handle life on lifes terms she is married has 2 kids and a 3rd on the way and today she is wonderful to be around so dont loose hope but one thing is for sure they got to want it bad or it will not work it has to be there decision its kinda like the old saying''you can take the booze way from a drunken horse thief but in the end you still wind up with a horse thief ''.....you can take away the drugs but you still have a addict left it will end in jails institutions or even death  im living proof that if you go to N/A work the steps with honesty you can live in recovery my daughter did it and so have I keep posting for support and if you believe in God pray for him we all want to see him beat this heroin is now a new epidemic give N/A a chance 90 meetings in 90 days..(you said he is not working) so he can do this let us know if we can help good luck and God bless..............................Gnarly............................

[CRSeaside]

What do the tough love guidelines suggest?  When I got my addict brother out, he also had a warrant. I threatened to call the law on him. He became violent. Then I started to dial. 9 1 and I gave him the count of 3 before I was ready to press final 1 for 911.  
He didn't feel like dealing with the cops. I drove him to a buddy's place.
Ok. He came back & robbed me. However, that was it. He never got back in my house again. To eat, sleep shower. Nothing.
  It was as if I needed to mourn him being dead. So hard. I cried for days.
  You are lucky. Your husband & you can provide a united front.
   Drive him to the homeless shelter if no buddy of his can be found.
   One thing I'll say, if you're not done, do not try it. You & your husband must be done. 100%.   This is a very painful memory for me. I only wrote it as I hope it will give you hope & strength.    Peace.   Pamela

[MMMS47]

The way I handled the addict I had to say goodbye to that was 3 years ago was to not give him any recourse to make him leave if he fails to understand and all other routes are exhausted it's the only way you can protect your very young sons you have to make the decision to stop letting it keep going on. It's hard it's beyond hard it's heart wrenching and you'll cry for weeks, months wondering if you made the right decision. You've prayed for help then look inside your heart you'll find what you need to do to be fair to your son, your family and God willing I hope he finds help but you've helped him. If he doesn't take you seriously prove to him just how serious you are. I'm guessing shocking him into his reality and his having to get clean permanently has to be his responsibility. I've learned allot about drug users their perceptions of reality are what they accept not what they have to or need to. It's going to be like pulling out your hair, teeth and suffering every kind of physical ache and pain but you've done what you can. Help can only be accepted when the one that needs it realizes it. I'll pray for you. God bless.