the Abuse and its effects are still there. Having a Bad Day today.

[troubleinohio]

i often wonder why i havent recovered yet from my abusive marriage that i left over a year ago now...and its because the abuse never really stopped. It just comes from a distance now but its still there. Im having a really bad day today. the Ex is being horrific again, making threats, threating to blow one of my cats heads off and just saying all kinds of terrible things to me. god, it infuriates me that he can still effect me this way, that i still havent been able to shake my fear off and let it roll down my back!! why cant I just let what he says go in one ear and out the other without bothering me?? he gets me so worked up everytime one of these episodes happens and then Im messed up for days, if not weeks afterwards. its also part of the reason i havent "found someone" new in this year and a half. I did try a few times but it just didnt work out (one guy wanted me to move 12 states away!! ). anyway, Im just really down today, and angry as helll, too.  HOw do i ever get past this?

[troubleinohio]

ridiculous as it sounds, i cant find any counseling! I have no health insurance..I know there are free servies out there. Ive called them. You get an automated machine to leave your message on. It states it could be weeks before they get back to you because this system is horrifically unequipped, underfunded and overloaded. It states that priority cases will be handled first- such as criminals/probation people, underaged minors, etc. Its sad. Once you actually get on their list to apply, it takes months before you get assigned a counseling center anywhere in the county.   I gave up long ago ever expecting to get help this way. The system suckks.    

Right now my blood is boiling because Mr. Ex had a tantrum in front of our kids on visit day and he threw all the papers off his refridgerator- sending magnets flying everywhere, and papers all over the kitchen and tore them up. These "papers" were pictures my kids had drawn/painted/school papers etc.  Some of them had said "I love you dad" and
"I love you mom" on them...and he just trashed them in a rage. THe kids were upset and when I found out about it, I was so furious, and then cried.  I hate this.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I am sending the Energizer Bunny to your rescue.
MickisGirl suggested counseling. It might give you the tools to better battle his cheap tricks.
Hang in there & know you are being bigger than he is.

[troubleinohio]

thnx u guys...Im still having a rough time with this latest episode. There's been more things happen since i even wrote this original post 2 days ago, too. He is a sick, evil person. I wish so bad I could just win the lottery and move farrrrrrrrr away and make sure he cant get any visitation with the kids at this point. Ive allowed them to see him all this time, but its just getting to the point where its doing them NO GOOD to be around him. He says bad things about me to the kids and when they come back after a visit with him they say mean things to me that they learned while over there. It breaks my heart. Thankfully my kids are sweet and sensitive and soon realize what they said/did was wrong and that they hurt me and will come cuddle with me and say they are sorry. It makes my blood boil that this sick psychotic man is doing this, and still after a year and a half has the power to wreak misery of this magnitude upon us.

[narla]

Can you report the threats to the police,I know they can't do anything without proof but if you can get some proof then I'd definitely go to the police.He can't be allowed to get away with this,It's not healthy for you to have to deal with this sort of ****,Hopefully one day he might grow up.

  Big Hugs, Thinking of you Denise

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Oh sweet pea.. I feel for you.. although I've never been in an abusive relationship I have had several friends that were/are and it isn't nice!  In fact.. I just want to "Grap there ***** *** ***** *****!" WoHOO

I wish I could tell you to just LET IT GO.. but that's easier said than done...Try to remember to BREATH... and maybe even go out for a CUSS WALK... (Ya know.. walk around the neighborhood at a quick pace.. cussing OUT LOUD.. REALLY LOUD..and if people look at you funny... just tell them to **** OFF!  cuz.. you're busy working thru something RIGHT NOW...DAMN IT!... )  or.. try SCREEMING as LOUD as you can into a pillow....I've heard that can work.. but.. it may give you a headache..oh LORD!  I'm not being very helpful here am I?

JUst KNOW THAT we're out here to help you.. listen to you and support you in ANY way that we can..

Much.. MUCH LOVE and prayers your way...

NorcoQueen


P.S. I have a BIG STICK if you want to borrow it...

[MickisGirl]

The abuse continues because you let it and he knows that. I went through years of therapy to deal with abuse and it did help. Just a suggestion. Please hang in there.