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how to forgive youself ???
I am new to this, but I have read other peoples posts and have found encouragement... I have also learnt a thing or 2 !..I am almost 1 year clean from heroin and crack, I have been on Naltrexone since this time, and i am now thinking of coming off of that. My question is, i am really giving myself a hard time, I have had some kind of revelation, and come to realise what I have done to family, friends and my children, I really have severve regrets and wish to god I could take it all back, but i cant.I sit and cry, feeling like i am such a bad person, I know i have done well, but I shouldnt have got into in the first place. I am really hopng that someone can relate to what I am experiencing, I need some one to tell me its ok, normal and that it will pass??????
Congratulations on your progress to date. Please get advice from experts in terms of gettng off of Naltrexone.
As far as the remainder of your post is concerned, do you have an active relatonship with your family? If so the best thing that you can do is tell them all of your story and about your game plan for moving forward. If you don't have an active relationship with your family hopefully time will heal the wounds that your past behavior as infilicted upon them.
I was raised by two parents who practiced addictive bahavior. My Mom was the worst off of the two of them by far as she had several issues. When my parents were dicvorced when I was 13 and all five of us children decided to live with my Dad. I had inner feelings of extreme bitter enssw toward my Mom fro chosing adictive behavior over her family. As a result I went 32 years without any contact with her.
I finally decided to forgive her unconditionally for her past behavoir and today we enjoy a relationship once again. None ofm my toher foyr siblings have done this and I respect thier decision not to do anything.
Let me now if I can help you any further in your recvovery efforts. Best of luck with this and God Bless.
As far as the remainder of your post is concerned, do you have an active relatonship with your family? If so the best thing that you can do is tell them all of your story and about your game plan for moving forward. If you don't have an active relationship with your family hopefully time will heal the wounds that your past behavior as infilicted upon them.
I was raised by two parents who practiced addictive bahavior. My Mom was the worst off of the two of them by far as she had several issues. When my parents were dicvorced when I was 13 and all five of us children decided to live with my Dad. I had inner feelings of extreme bitter enssw toward my Mom fro chosing adictive behavior over her family. As a result I went 32 years without any contact with her.
I finally decided to forgive her unconditionally for her past behavoir and today we enjoy a relationship once again. None ofm my toher foyr siblings have done this and I respect thier decision not to do anything.
Let me now if I can help you any further in your recvovery efforts. Best of luck with this and God Bless.
Your comments were so very compassionate and kind. You touched my heart, altho this is not my post, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to share such words of wisdom and true kindness,
Thanks for asking this question Merrygoround and thanks for everyone who answered this question too.
I have been asking myself this question for years. I have had addictions to prescription meds for years and most recently, gambling.
I agree that we are hardest on ourselves. The majority of people are not going to be thinking about this as much are as we are doing.
Probably by being the best we can be now, staying clean and sober, is the greatest example of our characters. It's hard for me to not turn to my old habits when I'm stressed or depressed or lonely or feeling bad about myself. People without addictions may not understand that, but it's really hard to stay away from past habits that were once a diversion for us and kept us from feeling an emotion. Each time an addict of any kind, stays away from their drug of choice, is a step closer to becoming a healthier person all around - for ourselves, our families and our friends.
I am much more compassionate now of others than ever before. I realize that I should never judge anyone else because I have not walked in their shoes. My addictions have taught me stuff I would never have learned otherwise. I never look at an addict as if they are losers or bad people. I understand what is controlling them because I have been controlled by things too.
You're not alone with this question. Thanks for asking it.
Surround yourself with people who love and care for you. Go to your meetings. Help other addicts. Helping others is a great way to use our past for good. You sound like a nice, compassionate person. If you weren't, this wouldn't bother you. Good luck with everything and remember to be gentle with yourself. You deserve compassion too.
I have been asking myself this question for years. I have had addictions to prescription meds for years and most recently, gambling.
I agree that we are hardest on ourselves. The majority of people are not going to be thinking about this as much are as we are doing.
Probably by being the best we can be now, staying clean and sober, is the greatest example of our characters. It's hard for me to not turn to my old habits when I'm stressed or depressed or lonely or feeling bad about myself. People without addictions may not understand that, but it's really hard to stay away from past habits that were once a diversion for us and kept us from feeling an emotion. Each time an addict of any kind, stays away from their drug of choice, is a step closer to becoming a healthier person all around - for ourselves, our families and our friends.
I am much more compassionate now of others than ever before. I realize that I should never judge anyone else because I have not walked in their shoes. My addictions have taught me stuff I would never have learned otherwise. I never look at an addict as if they are losers or bad people. I understand what is controlling them because I have been controlled by things too.
You're not alone with this question. Thanks for asking it.
Surround yourself with people who love and care for you. Go to your meetings. Help other addicts. Helping others is a great way to use our past for good. You sound like a nice, compassionate person. If you weren't, this wouldn't bother you. Good luck with everything and remember to be gentle with yourself. You deserve compassion too.
I am over whelmed with the messages of support I have recieved on the subject of Self forgiveness.- I have been practically in tears. I want to thank you all for the kind words and advice, trust me it has really helped, I know I am worthy of a decent life with my kids, but the road is a long and lonely one, sometimes I need repointing in the right direction. I was so scared to post on the site, then realised after i read some others posts- they are like me ! the feeling of belonging is good - especially when it is not destructive !
Thankyou all once again, love and best wishes
Merrygoround xxx
Thankyou all once again, love and best wishes
Merrygoround xxx
You have made a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT! You need to change your though process and think of all of the positive things that have came out of this. If you have asked God for forgivness than confess you are delivered and forgiven. The past is behind you and what you have done is amazing!!!!!!!! You are a new person the old part of you is dead, bury it!! Again congrats to you! Positive energy goes a long long way
There will come a day when you will no longer regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, you will come to know peace.
Once you realize on a deeper level that addiction is not a moral issue it is a desease and you can recover a day at a time and you will have plenty of time to make amends and not live your life feeling bad about yourself. YES!!!!!WE HURT PEOPLE....we don't deny that but to heal relationships the best thing you can do is stay clean.
Try some support from people working the steps of recovery, it will make a world of difference in your life. In the meantime, don't use, continue your aftercare support. And you will gain a new perspective on you life and what is the next best move in order to move past the remorse and guilt...................Those are strong emotions and has caused a great many addicts to relaspe............Be good to yourself~Debra
Once you realize on a deeper level that addiction is not a moral issue it is a desease and you can recover a day at a time and you will have plenty of time to make amends and not live your life feeling bad about yourself. YES!!!!!WE HURT PEOPLE....we don't deny that but to heal relationships the best thing you can do is stay clean.
Try some support from people working the steps of recovery, it will make a world of difference in your life. In the meantime, don't use, continue your aftercare support. And you will gain a new perspective on you life and what is the next best move in order to move past the remorse and guilt...................Those are strong emotions and has caused a great many addicts to relaspe............Be good to yourself~Debra
Can I talk to you as a mom? My daughter was an oxy addict..... five years ago, I would have bet my life and all I have that she, nor our family would ever experience what we have for the past 3 years. However, I still love my daughter unconditionally, I hate the drugs, and the actions she did to support her addiction, but my daughter is NOT her addiction. Whatever happened when she was using, is not who she was or who she is today... please trust me, 5 rehabs later and enough treatment to make your head spin, a long haul for us, her family...yet I know so much, this journey has been so much harder for her, because she lost all self respect, her self esteem.... I will always respect her tho, because she never gave up trying to quit the drugs, even when she wanted nothing more than to numb her pain, and the pain she had caused her family and continue in the numb drug state of mind. I think you judge yourself much harsher than we, your family, will ever judge you (I know my daughter absolutely did and unfortunatley still does).... There is a great book written by (i think) Brad Lamm titled "How to change someone you love"... he was a meth addict and wrote the book actually to help loved ones deal with addiction. As he says, if your child were on fire would you just let them burn or try to put the fire out, I agree with him... my daughter was too screwed up in her head to have a clue of how to deal with her addiction when she was so deep in oxy. I guess what I am trying to say, you just may find your family is able and wanting to forgive you, much sooner than you are able to forgive yourself. Always remember, you only have control over today....... yesterday if it were a mistake, learn from it, so you can impact and change tomorrow... however only today is in your control, and hold it close to your heart to guide you in your actions. I wish you well, forgive yourself, because until you do, you will never be able to really embrace others forgiveness and love for you.....
Does your family know what was going on with you? if so, get them together, apologize to them and ask their forgiveness...or if you can work up the strength tell them even if they don't know...
And then turn to God and ask his forgiveness..and then you are free to forgive yourself...the hardest thing in the world to do...trust me...I carry around a ton of guilt for stuff I've done, but I remember God forgave me and put it as far as the east is from the west and it's like it never happened..
You are free...you can't take it all back, but in God's eyes it is gone and never happened..get out and enjoy your freedom.
Jim
And then turn to God and ask his forgiveness..and then you are free to forgive yourself...the hardest thing in the world to do...trust me...I carry around a ton of guilt for stuff I've done, but I remember God forgave me and put it as far as the east is from the west and it's like it never happened..
You are free...you can't take it all back, but in God's eyes it is gone and never happened..get out and enjoy your freedom.
Jim
IMO you have to pool your strength in the things you can change. I also have a lot of things to regret and many shameful behaviors. I try and turn that around into something positive by always reflecting on my past and doing whatever I have to do to make sure I never go back. I am sure you know the serenity prayer? Here if you need
Becca
Becca
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