11 days, depression and no sleep yuck!

[Karenlovesher4]

I haven't used in 11 days now, I don't feel the sweaty yucky feelings too bad anymore, but the anxiety and no sleep are still there. I hate going to sleep when I do, b/c I know its going to be short lived and i'm gonna wake up in a panic attack. Then on the other hand, when I am idle and awake I only think about how I feel like I'm just blah.. no purpose.. idk weird anxious feeling. When does this end? I know that 11 days doesn't seem so long, but I thought for sure after a week I'd feel like the old Karen again. I want to wake up just once and be thankful and appreciative for what I have, and not sit and think about what I don't and feel like I have no purpose anymore. It's not that I think I had purpose while taking pills, I just didn't care if I did or I didnt. No going back now, but I am scared I'm never gonna get back to normal.

[Karenlovesher4]

Hey MedKat! I'm not gonna lie, it was difficult, but I started a slowwww taper for two months. I stopped for 3 weeks though due to hospitalization, so I guess It wasn't really two months. Finally at 20mg I jumped. A week or so before I jumped though I took "breaks". I would take my 20mg and for 2 days I would take nothing. I did this twice. I felt like sh*t those two days in between, but I think I suffered the worst of those withdrawals in those first two days. Idk, most ppl probably don't recommend doing that, but I was preparing my body for what it would feel. And, I found when I CT that none of those unpleasant feelings felt any worse than I had already felt by going two days, so If I could do the two days, why start taking again when the worst was already over. Just trying to trick my brain I guess lol But, yes the RLS was the worst for me and the anxious feeling. Nothing helped my RLS and I still can't sleep more than a couple of hours.  My tummy wasn't as bad as most ppl, but I have stomach issues anyways so maybe they were just masked? I am not working right now, but honestly staying busy was key. I went for walks. Didn't feel like it starting out but by the end the endorphines had kicked in and I felt almost normal. The first 3 days I stayed in bed most of the time honestly though. I had gotten up to 80mg a day though, double my rx dose, so I know how hard it is and how hard it can be, but it is obtainable! I was the run who ran to my bottle as soon as I got up and had it waiting when it was time for it again. The symptoms would kick in immediately if I waited. I complain about my sleep now, but in all reality I wasn't sleeping good before either. The 8 hours in between doses to sleep didn't come. I would get maybe 4 and then toss and turn the other 4 just anxiously awaiting the alarm clock going off so I could take my morning dose. Are you planning on quitting? If you have any questions please ask!!

[Karenlovesher4]

This morning was a little better. Maybe b/c Ihaven't had time to sit and think I have two sick kids with the stomach virus plus a husband who started yesterday. He's 11 days in with me, so It has hit him hard, but he wants to just be left alone. The kids have been screaming for me since 4 am this morning and its been steady since. spraying lysol from top to bottom and washing/cleaning my house and laundry has kept me busy and I havent been able to stop and talk about it! Thanks for all the encouraging posts. I won't go back, but I wish the anxiety would just stop!!! I have ativan but I'm trying my best to not take any. It makes me feel drunk and it makes the effects of no sleep feel that much worse. Idk.. most ppl love ativan.. i''m just not one of them I guess. I liked the klonopin better but my dr changed me a couple of years ago. I've never taken either regularly just as needed. I had a personal addiction counselor I was supposd to meet with yesterday, but had to reschedule for Monday b/c of the sickness sweeping through my house. No sitter since the hubby was so sick. I went to one na meeting and I freaked. Its not that it was bad, but I felt like I couldn't relate to most of the ppl there and it was early on in this process, where I think I was still trying to tell myself that maybe I wasn't addicted really. Maybe I'll give them a try again, but I do have the counselor so there is some form of aftercare. I am proud to say that I had a dr's appt Monday for med refills, and I cancelled it and told them I wouldn't no longer be needing the pain management part of my dr's office!. Even though my dr and I had decided together my taper schedule, after the arm infection he thought it best to stop and get through this first, but I kept tapering on my own and then ct at 20 mg 11 days ago. My arm does hurt, but advil helps, sometimes even better than the norco did! I hope this anxiety hurries up and leaves, but being clean is definitely better than the alternative! I've spent so much time counting, obtaining, worrying about a pill... not anymore!!

[NeverAgain127]

Congrats on 11 days...you are past the really bad part.  I was waking up with panic attacks for the first 21 days, but then it stopped.

Try to keep BUSY.  Down time is dangerous time.   Anything you do that occupies your mind, even if it is watching a movie, doing laundry, etc is good.

This will take time, hon.   Just don't give up; you're in the home stretch!

Hugs,
-Robin

[Cricketk92]

Congrats on Day 11!!!  We are on the same day!!!  I can relate to all you are saying!!!  Im still waiting for my energy to come back!  Its hard getting up in the morning and knowing I have to go through another day just dragging but to me it is better than the alternative!  I still miss that morning "fix" but it passes...  I always took my first one when I got to work at 4am and that is still hard not to reach for the bottle!  But it passes.  The anxiety is a tough one...I am still taking effexor and ativan which I am sure helps me get through but I am going to come off of those one day in the near future and Ill be relying on you for the anxiety pep talks!!!  Make sure you are set up to do some kind of aftercare!  I hear that is the only way to really get through this and come out the other side!!! Hang in there and keep posting!!! Take care of you!!!!!

[jifmoc]

Hey, Karen, congrats on 11 days. You know that what you need to do for your mental state is meetings or some type of aftercare. Have you started?

[MedKat]

Wow, 11 days, that is so great!! believe me, I envy you right now, what I would give to have 11 days….to know that it can be done! gives me hope I can relate to Krissy about the brain being on a schedule for a long time. as far as being back to the old self again, boy I want that.  I think being on Norco "empty's" you…..I don't feel that zest any longer, just know that if I DON'T take my pill on time, the symptoms and w/d's start.    How long does it take?, what are the first 2 days like? after the fact that I have upped my dose to 8 times my original.  I remember the RLS from before, does Quinine ( tonic water) really help.  What do you do about work?  Is there a way to get through the day somewhat normally while one is detoxing?

[Krissy_123]

I've felt just like that!! There are still some mornings I wake up feeling ok until I think no pill again today. Then the slight hyperventilation feeling comes on with the sweaty neck and hands. You just have to breath through it and calm your mind. Your brain was on a schedule for a long time.  I'm almost a month in and still wonder if I'll ever feel normal. My sleeps still rocky,but it is improving. I'm proud of you,you're doing so well! I know it's hard! Do you have ppl you talk to?