Going To Lose My Marriage to Cocaine

[littleb33]

I need someones help. I just found out on New Years Eve that my husband has been using cocaine for about 3 years, once every 2 months. He says that the urge is just to much to resist. He wants to stop but refuses treatment, or group therapy. I myself have been sober from alcohol so I know what addiction can do. What can we do??? Are there any tricks to stop the urge or the need? Please help, I really want to help him.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Also I wonder why you think your marriage is over? Is it unbearable when he uses?

[GoingToMakeIt]

Whatever is the case, it boils down to him really wanting to quit. You can be supportive. You can read here to better understand the mind & troubles of an addict. It does seem strange that he can go 2 months without using. Is it possible that he is thinking and craving this all the time? What happens prior to him using? Is there an event, pressure, stress to trigger the event? Just trying to help you figure it out.

[Spooked]

What I mean to say is that, for most of us, an "irresistible urge" is a daily event. From my experience, what he is describing seems more like what he "wants" to do than "irresistible urge" that cannot be overcome.  In my mind, either he has an irresistible urge that he cannot overcome (and therefore he is likely doing it far more often than once every two months) or it is not irresistible and he can just stop by applying a little self-discipline. That's just my .02, I could be completely wrong....

[Aims81]

There is nothing you can do to make him quit unless he wants to quit.  Honestly I think it is a little weird once every two months or so.  I started once a day and then twice and then so on and so fourth until sometimes I was not paying my bills.  It ruined my sinuses my sense of smell is shot.  He obviously doesn't think this is a problem.  The urge to resist cocain.  That urge is only a tiny flicker to make you pause for a moment.  If any.  Before you use.  Remember what it was like for you as an alcoholic.  There are no tricks to stop the urge, the want, or the need.  It will ALWAYS be there.  Just like yours as an alcoholic.  He is your husband.  You love him.  Stand by him and do everything you can to help.  Threats will only push him further away from you!!!!!  Keep talking to him and keep letting him know you love him.

[gizzy32]

hello, i just left you a pm in your email

[hopsing94]

for me the only way i could quit was to quit associating with the people that sell it and do it. Lost several friends because of it. Just have to get away from it if he doesnt want to go to therapy.

[tg234234]

"Once every two months" - not an addict, just a dickhead. Addiction by definition meant a compulsive urge. "Once every two months?" - Well that's a good time.

If he's snorting he could stop if he wanted,

Run. Run far.

Signed.

A real addict.

[dominosarah]

Hi~~At the top of the page you will see a Post a Question box.  Click on that and you cans start your own thread. You will get responses to your question.  This one you posted on is 3 yrs old.........sara

[shortcake407]

Well like the post before me, I found out that my husband was abusing drugs. I have been married for 22 years. I dont know how long, how often, but the way I found out was by him staying out all night, then running off to the hospital. When I would try to find out where he was 2 or 3 oclock the morning, is when I really found out he wasnt just hanging out, but getting high. I was so in the dark, and now I dont know what to do. Can a marriage survive this?

[oxyaddict420]

Did you get the answers you needed?  I noticed you haven't posted back..  I never knew people that only did cocaine like 1-2 times a month.  EVERYONE I knew personally, and everyone they knew just is so addicted that they abuse it whenever they can. Which is mostly all the time..  I guess if your hubby is only doing it 1-2 times every couple of months then he would be the first person to ever accomplish self control with cocaine(that I have met) or heard about.. Maybe people are just curious as to maybe he is lying to you about how often he uses. I know alot of times when people try to come clean they only admit a little bit of the truth to kind of test the waters you could say.  I am not saying this is what your husband is doing, but I would honestly consider that maybe if he has kep this from you in the past and lied about it in the past as well, it might be a good chance that he is ALSO lying about how often he uses.. This might be alot bigger than you or HE may even know..  One thing about MOST addicts is that they are MASTER MINIPULATERS!  Meaning that they perfect the art of deciept and lying...  Doesnt mean we dont love, and care.. Just means we are all screwed up.. Thank god he has you to help him through this..

Also confused why the posy says you are going to lose your marrige, if you claim to be there for him and help him through this..  I am not sure if my post has helped, but hopefully you can come back and re-post and let us know how this is going..

BEST OF LUCK AND GOD BLESS

[littleb33]

I guess i did not make it clear in my question, that my husband is the one that came to me with the news. He does know that it is a problem, he does know the long term result is death. He wants to stop and beats himself up about it more than I or anyone else could do to him. (Not that I would judge him) I will support him and give him anything that he needs to get through this. So I am not trying to do it for him, or he is not in denial.Sorry I did not make that clear. Thank you

[littleb33]

He says that he only does it about once every two months when he gets this irresistible urge. He says he tries to fight it, but just gives in. so what did you mean by he can't do both?

[Spooked]

Either he only uses once every two months OR he has an irresistible urge, not both.

[IMAlive]

For one thing there is nothing YOU can't do for him.  You should know that from your alcohol treatment.  What you can do is support him and try to get him to admit that he has a problem. There are no short cuts or tricks.