Confused, Scared, Not-sure of anything.

[jag_tek]

Sorry this is long, I'm not good w/ condensing.

Okay, I'm new and havnt posted in a forum of any kind since 1996...here goes.
I started taking oxycodone 3.5 years ago for back pain.  Started with 20mg, topped out at 75mg.
Pretty much since day one I always ran out early(usually at 3 -weeks) Due to friends or forgiving doc, I never had to deal w/ w/d for more than 2-3 days.  3 mos. ago I ran out early again(after 2.5 weeks) No friends, No forgiving Doc. this time.  After searching internet like a mad man after two days and trying to brew poppy seed tea to take off the edge(NOT recommended!) then spending my 2 year wedding anniversary curled up in bed I got to experience "The Beast" full force.
I was/ am still scared to death of C/T withdrawal.  
    After coming clean w/ my Doc on how I was using the meds, we decided a taper program would be best to at least come back to original amount(20mg a day) and then re-evaluate. My pain from my back is not worse than before(if anything, better) The first lower dose, I ate in 2 weeks.  We than decided for me to come in every week and get a 7 day script.
  Here is my question(finally).
Is all of this worth it?  In two months I have tapered from 75 mg a day to 60 and it has been HELL.
I still eat them early. Now I w/d at least one day a week. I have put my business at risk, my relationship w/ my wife is strained(but she's there) The worst is my MIND.  CRAZY...CRAZY thoughts!  I guess I need re-assurance I'm an addict(the pharm. industry says I'm "dependent" and have developed a "tolerance") and I am making the right decision?
Thanks to all who might shine a light on the dark!

[Zurich42]

I completely agree with 1Eagle - Your best success might be to taper to stop this nightmare.  I tapered over 2 weeks and am on my 23rd day of sobriety with no cravings, headaches, bathroom trips.  I believe I am clean physically from the drug - however, I continue to attend meetings and get counseling for the 'emotional' side of the house.  Good Luck to you - sending positive thoughts and encouragement your way!!!

[Becca911]

This is a great site for support. I am trying to stop lortabs and I am so greatful for finding this site. If you want to quit then you have to have your mind made up that you want a better life not one controlled by drugs. You can regain control back, and feel better. Easier said than done, but hang in there think positive thoughts and take one day at a time.

[lurker]

I have never taken methadone and wouldn't because it has such a reputation of being so very hard to come off of but then everyone is different.  If you take Suboxone to replace the oxy, then you are trading one demon for another.  But if you take Sub as I and others here have, for a few days to weeks and then get off quick you can avoid the horrid withdrawals and continue to live life.  You must however plan for how you are going to deal with your triggers when you're not on any meds -you have to work on  you and on recovery because getting off the drugs really is the easy part - staying off is the part that requires a lot of hard work.  Do the research and figure out what will work best for you = there is no right or wrong way to get clean and sober - do what works for you!

[1eagle]

I strongly urge the taper to stop this nightmare...I have quite a history - and methadone failed me completely....I feel the same way about the sub - but all things considered, I would do the taper again if I had to...I would not do the methadone....do you have access to other medical advice? It doesn't sound to me like you are getting the help that you need....if you have only dropped 15 mg per day and are having the symptoms that you describe, something is not working somewhere. I would have to think about the time element....1 day of wd's a week for lifetime or one week of wd's forever? Good luck

[jag_tek]

I have seen it(Suboxone) mentiond throughout these post and will look for more info.  I had never heard of it before.  Is it like methadone? Is it trading one demon for another or are there qualitys that make it diff?  I always get a surge of energy from my meds which I see for some is why they abuse. (Prob. same for me) I have heard that methadone cuts off the surge but keeps w/d at bay.  Is Suboxone the same?

[lurker]

Hi - have you considered Suboxone?  I was only able to taper to a certain amount (10 norco 10mg per day) and couldn't get below that so went onto Suboxone and felt great- no withdrawals. It is an opiate, so if you want to be opiate free you'll need to taper off of it quickly but  it is really a great way to get off of the oxy and get control of your life again.  Go to the profile of either Ga Guy or FLAddict and look at all of their research to get more info. Good luck to you.

[jag_tek]

Hi,
I had read about the Thomas recipe when I went through my first BAD w/d.  I was excited until I read about the Valium recommendation.Hard for me to get   I tried everything else, Imod A-D, OTC pain meds, vitamins & sleep aid.  Seems like the valium was the "active" ingredient that I didn't have.  I agree about my MD, I think she is a bit out of her league on dealing w/ this.  I checked on local detox, but the affordable ones answers all seem to be the same(No meds, just nutrition, monitoring, talking  and good luck) I am afraid I will do something REALLY stupid if I can't have opiates.  I think they would have to put me in a staight jacket(honestly) and I don't know how I could mentally cope with that!

[oxyaddict420]

Getting real withyourself is the best way to start the proccess of getting better. It is ugly to see how bad things are and how out of control things have gotten.  You have found a wonderful site of caring people that want to help you make it.. BE GLAD PANDORAS BOX IS OPEN

[jag_tek]

Thanks,
Part of me just doesn't want to deal w/ this.  I at least felt decent 85% of the time before I told anyone.  Now I wonder what the future holds since Pandora's box has been opened and exposed.

[ruby441]

Hi again, I guess I can't post my email, sorry. But I can still answer some ?'s if you want to post on this forum. There is also a method called the Thomas recipe, some people on this forum swear by it.

ruby441

[ruby441]

Again, yes you are an addict, take it from another addict. Your MD is negligent to let you go on like this. There is a way out of this. There are doctors who specialize in detox, find one!!! It is nearly impossible to do this alone, also nearly impossible to try & control your own pills through a taper. If that's how you want to do it, have your give you your doses. There are also med you can take to get you through detox if you want to go that route, if you want advise on those, I can answer some ?'s
My e-mail is ***@**** if you want to write me. Good luck!

ruby441

[oxyaddict420]

To answer your question.. yes you are an addict. Abusing the pills makes you an addict.  You can become dependent by taking the precribed amount of pills, but when you take more and more and can never make them last thats abusing. Addiction is NOT FUN OR EASY!  I am an addict and I do the same thing, eat them all up easrly then try to figure out how to get more so that i do not c/t wothdrawl!  which is  BEAST!!  Good luck trying to beat this