COMING OFF PERCOCET?

[SAD GIRL]

I HAVE BEEN TAKING PERCOCET FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS NOW, EVERYDAY! IT STARTED FOR BACK PROBLEMS AND THE AMT. I WAS TAKING WAS OKAY IN THE BEGINNING, THEN I STARTED TAKING MORE AND MORE THAN I SHOULD.  IT IS NOW TO THE POINT WHEN I DON'T HAVE ANY LEFT, I AM RUNNING AROUND WORRYING ABOUT WHERE I CAN GET MORE, I AM EVEN GOING IN DEBT FROM BUYING THEM OFF THE STREET.  I AM SCARED AND DON'T WANT TO BE IN PAIN ALWAYS, BUT, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO COME OFF THEM WITHOUT HAVING HEART FAILURE OR WHATEVER.  IS SOMEONE JUST ABLE TO STOP COLD TURKEY? OR, DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THERE IS MEDICATION I CAN ASK MY DOCTOR FOR TO HELP ALLEVIATE SOME OF THE WITHDRAWL SYMPTOMS AND GET ME EITHER TOTALLY OF THESE THINGS OR AT LEAST BACK TO TAKING THEM THE PROPER WAY? I NEED SOME HELP. THANK YOU.

[VScottV]

Day 5  (Tue)
I took a xanax to sleep last night, I’ll prop get addicted to those now too, at least to assist with my night sleeping… My pain level is not nearly as high this morning as it was yesterday morning, though it’s certainly not pleasant…  It seems that when I sleep real well via a sleep aid, my morning pain is less crippling assumedly because I lay still all night in an appropriate position with the little pillow between my knees all VS restlessness and sleeping off & on in nutty positions…

I made it thru yesterday, but whom am I kidding… Trying to kid myself I guess.  Sunday night I fell asleep very unusually early for me, and forgot to take the 9:00 PM pill Claire left on my kitchen counter.  On the upside, when I awoke yesterday, I was still alive with no withdrawal symptoms other than the intense ‘foggy feeling’.  Unfortunately, I also woke up in a lot of pain, so at 8:30 I took the pill left from the night prior.  I intended to brag to everyone via email that I only took 2 pills yesterday, and wont need the pill from Claire that morning because I still have the one left from the night prior, etc (yeah, I only took 2 percocet NOT counting the 2 vicodins), but I was very apprehensive to push send, and ended up deleting the email unsent.  Sadly, at 9:20ish or so, I went and got my morning pill from Claire per usual (just to have it, BUT I ended up taking it too)… The pain diminished immensely of course.

Again, whom am I kidding – I also have been taking a 7.5 vicodin in between my allotted percocet pill times since Day 1 of this ‘weaning process’ BUT I haven’t told anyone that, nor will I at this point…  IF I can’t even go down to 3 of the strong 10 mg percs a day without issue, how the hell and I going to go down to half strength, etc???  OMG!

Last night I was super bitchy & verbally aggressive towards Claire as I only can be since I started taking these effin pain pills 3+ yr ago, not sure if it’s just cuz she tends to get on my nerves sometimes (as does everyone get on my nerves), or whether it’s because I am subconsciously pissed-off at her for controlling my percocets, and I wanted one.  WHY would I be angry at her – she’s helping me AND I asked her to do this for me… I don’t know how she can stand me sometimes…  She left here around 8:30 and placed the 9PM pill on the kitchen counter, but of course I HAD to take it practically soon as she left….  

I’m a real piece of work!!!  I feel so guilty and I am wicked scared that I really may not be able to do this after all… Will go get today’s AM pill shortly, of course (10 AM though not 9:00) – otherwise literally how can I function... UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I make myself sick, and I cannot afford $$ it, nor will I, go into a full time rehab.  Eventually, I will be totally out of pills, and then what will I do… Turn into a full-fledged druggy and start hocking stuff to buy my drugs from the street?!?!?  No…. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I HATE THIS, how did I allow this to happen to me…………….. STUPID FOOL

[VScottV]

Day 2  (Sat)
Well, I survived yesterday unscathed!  Do I miss reaching for the bottle whenever I feel the need for my pain, I’ll be honest - maybe just a little. On the big-time Üp side, I have been getting a ton of things accomplished to keep my mind busy! A friend gave me a mild sedative to help me sleep tonight whereas my over-the-counter sleep aid hasn’t been working, so I should sleep good tonight, fingers crossed…My pain level is high today.

Day 3  (Sun)
I survived another day unscathed, I slept like a log last night, and my pain level is tolerable today. I will con’t to keep busy, but as time goes on and the doses con’t to go down, time will tell…

Day 4  (Mon)
I think the doctor is taking too long for this process, I want this done already!  I went to bed unusually early for me last night, and slept relatively well last night without any sleep aid.  I awoke in a lot of pain this morning, but it could be from being in bed too long – in addition to the lack of meds in my system.  Skies seem clearer…

[VScottV]

Day 1  (Fri)
Being Type-A personality; in prep for this, I discontinued anything in my life that causes me non-needed stress. Also, I did the appropriate online research including reading the many blogs avail for the many people in my same predicament, made the appropriate calls regarding the possible assist with any psychological dependency issues, told a group of my closest confidants for moral support as the transition moves forward, and turned over the responsibility of keeping and dispensing the meds to someone else.

Per the doc’s professional advise, first 2 weeks I am only to take 3 pills per day (same mg as I have been taking), but am only to take them at the same time every day.  I came up with the time schedule that would be convenient to both me and the keeper of the pills  (9AM, 3PM, 9PM), which allows me 12 hr in between – huge change from the way I have been taking the pills for the past 3+ years.  The 12 hr without any meds may not be the most logical schedule, but I can adjust it if warranted. He’ll continue to adjust/lower the mg dosage and how often to take them, every two weeks and he wants to see me “face to face” every two weeks as well…

So my day began a little apprehensive, but somewhat excited at the thought of one day soon being opiate-free. I called my neighbor around 9:00 to ask if the Pharmacy was open yet, she said yes, and the games begin.  She gave me my first monitored dose.  I must say that it is apparent, this will become an inconvenience for me to have to go to her home 3 times a day, which is actually another plus I suppose.  

As the day continued, I found myself kind of clock-watching, but not sure whether it’s because I want my next pill due to my chronic pain and I need the pill to lessen the pain, or simply because I am Type-A personality and despise being late for any appointment. I am walking around in a fog though, and long periods of sleep seems like it may be a thing of the past whereas I woke up at 2:30 AM and could not fall back asleep. My chest feels like someone is sitting on it too.

[VScottV]

Why Do I Want To Stop taking the pills:

1) The Laws are supposedly changing on Jan 1st and my spine doc will no longer be able to prescribe them for me, so I’ll have to start going to an expensive Pain Management Clinic, which I cannot afford – nor do I want to be in that class… You can only get so many pills at a time, so constantly have to go back, wait, be monitored & evaluated.  Who has the time for all of that?  It would be like a PT job, just to get my meds…
2) The drugs make me super irritable and anxious.
3) Noises/sounds seem unusually loud and/or unusually annoying to me.
4) Addictive, and not good for my body.
5) I have to urinate several times during the night, which started approx 1 month after the daily use of percs.
6) Social stigma attached to the chronic use of opiates.

[VScottV]

WHY did I start taking these devil pills:

1) Initially, obviously to assist with controlling the intense and chronic pain that radiates from my lumbar L4, L5, and S1 - down through my buttocks (both sides), into both hips, and down the backs of both legs.  I needed assist to carry-on with everyday activities and life in general.  I was miserable from the chronic pains and had nowhere else to turn for help, except to the pain meds.  The pills dull the pain enough to function with my daily routine.

2) These types of drugs knockout ‘normal’ people, especially the strength I need to take whereas I have a high-tolerance per the doc.  It’s classic that with me; the pills keep me awake and motivated VS how I use to be which was constantly tired due to classic depression issues.  I haven’t had a need for a nap in years now… This is what determines an addict, or the potential to get addicted.  I also have suffered with textbook Depression for most of my adult life, and it has progressed big time over the past 20 years…

3) When I am taking the pills I lose a lot of inhibitions, and can speak with most anyone about most anything.  I was never a small-talker in the past, and avoided meeting with strangers, or chit-chatting with neighbors while getting the mail or working in the yard or taking out the trash, or going to parties where I didn’t know many people, etc.  The pills changed all of that, but also took-away the ‘normal’ motivation that I should have (i.e. to look for a real paying job w/Health Ins and bennys, cleaning my own house VS having someone else do it, taking my pooch to the park and/or for walks, bathing my dog VS having the groomer do it, brushing my dog daily, washing my dogs eyes every morning to get the sleep out, etc).  My poor dog has to suffer because of my depression & addiction… What a mess I have made out of my one life to live…

[VScottV]

Day 0  (Thur 11/3)
I was wide-awake at 4:00 AM.  I met with my spine surgeon this afternoon as scheduled for my 25-30 day refill script, who has been prescribing my most recent need for pain killers (3+ years, 10 mg Percocet, prescribed 1-2 every 4-6 hr as needed).  We typically chat about personal issues, after my urine test (per recent New Laws) to prove that I am taking my meds that’s prescribed VS selling them on the street, and our appt typically ends with him asking “any changes” – I say, “No”, and he hands me my script… Scripts for percocet and/or stronger narcotics must have a written script VS calling or faxing it into the pharmacy.

Today was different though, and I could see the confused look in my doc’s facial expression when I requested his nurse to be present for this consult.  I gave them a succinct synopsis of my pain meds history (13+ yrs)…
He once told me, when I inquired as to how long a person can stay on narcotics, in my case probably for Life, and I believe that he assumed I would be on them for life…

I believe that he was waiting for the punch: that I needed a stronger med now, but instead when I told him that enough is enough, especially whereas our Laws are changing on Jan 1 and he can no longer prescribe the pain meds for any patient more than 90 days, which is typically long enough after orthopedic surgery (of course, accountants are making the rules, not Doctors).  Effective Jan 1st, I would be required to go to a Pain Management Clinic instead, which is very expensive and whereas I lost my job due to the economy and do not have Health Insurance any longer, it would be a huge financial strain.  

It took a minute to sink-in, but when the doc was clear and understood that I wanted assist with stopping the meds, he replied “oh, boy”… After a long uncomfortable pause in the room, I said, “well, that’s not very encouraging”… He elaborated that this will be difficult, but can be done and that he and his staff will assist.  He further continued that I am the second person today alone, to sit in the same chair, which told him the same thing – that they want off the meds… I asked about possibly going the Suboxone film route VS weaning, but he is not certified in prescribing it, nor does he have any desire to prescribe it… And, the drug costs a min of $100 per week and then you have to wean off of that drug-substitute as well, but apparently experience zero opiate withdrawal.  BTW, I only took 3 pills today.