day 5, or day one

[kaybee2]

I broke down last night and took 2 10mg percs. I feel bad but at the same time Im glad it wasnt an oc. The oc was in my hands and i didnt do it, does this mean I go back to day one or could i still consider myself on day 5. I took a subutex this morning when i woke up. i feel a little shaky but not bad. I almost feel relieved to get it out of my system. I hope no one takes offense to me feeling this way, i dont want to make anyone feel bad. I just couldnt take it anymore, it was like i needed a break from the icky w/d feeling, has this ever happened to anyone else?

[mom2rachie]

We all just have today.
However, I don't agree that your choosing the perc over the oxy was strong.  It doesn't mean you're weak but you DID have a weak moment and you caved.  Most of us do from time to time and and most of us have.  The goal is to NOT cave.  Saying you were strong to take one drug over another is kind of like saying you choose to kill yourself with a kinfe rather than a gun.
Just don't take ANY and you won't have to ask what day you're on.
God bless......

[opi]

if ya have an ox in hand and perk in other and you take the perk man,,,,,that is good...be proud of that.....i don't know you but in my eyes that makes you one strong mofo...peace

[bettie1976]

nooo it doesnt sound stupid! I carry around an old sober picture of me to remind me of what it was like to be me.

[kaybee2]

I actually felt better after I wrote that, it was like seeing it on paper, or in this case, on screen, made it seem like a contract or something. Thats what we should do, draw up contracts stating what the conseqquences will be if we dicide to use again, then sign and date it. Put it on the wall if we have to , to remind os of our goals.  Does that sound stupid?  I did stay up late last night, im a bit loopy right now.

[kaybee2]

yes we have a program like that in MA but they usually only protect you in the winter. Im trying on getting the baby ( even though he'll be 2 he's still my baby) in to daycare but those are running anywhere from 170 - 220 a week, we are on all kinds of waiting lists for things. I am also in school on nights and weekends for my bachelors degree ( took summer semester off to "get clean") in education, so hopefully over the next few years things will fall in to place for us, as long as we stay clean! Thats why its so important to us ( my hubby is detoxing too) we have so much positve things in our future to look foward too, I'd hate to see it all go down the tube over stupid pills....

[bettie1976]

see this is where Im lucky. I dont have a job right now, my bf takes care of everything. My ex JUST started paying child support (5 years later) and its still touch n go. So when I got clean I sent in papers to the child support program to MAKE him pay. I have had help in the last year to pay my electric bill (oregon has some wonderful programs for these sorts of things). Is there anything like that in your area to help you monetarily? Usually, when I get my electric bill there is a slip in there saying "if you need help paying your bill call this number bla bla bla". Theyve done it for me three times and believe me, my electric bills werent cheap.

[kaybee2]

that is so very true. I hope one day to not have any accounts in the negative, not live paycheck to paycheck and if I want to spen 200 at the grocery store I can, without it meaning Ill be late ona bill or rent.....ahhhh, that would be nice!

[bettie1976]

isnt it strange how we always have so much money when were using but now were all broke tryin to stay clean? I thought up this saying while I was in detox and wrote it down...
"If we spent as much energy trying to do good things as we did trying to get drugs, we'd be pretty well off by now".

[kaybee2]

I really want to try the amino acid therapy to see if it helps my cravings/anxiety/depression/energy level. I stopped my prozac a few weeks ago because i didnt like the way it made me feel. I just cant afford the aminos right now. We are so financially strapped right now, we dont even have a bank account because we owe them money, so i cant order anythng online......( amino's I mean)

[willruthie1965]

YOu know when I use to use vicodin .I would slip a time or two.I would think ok well went 200hours and then  took 1. .It to me, wasn't like ok"here we go day 1", I would look at it as wow that 1 maybe helped me make it too 2 more weeks. Every day there is less in your body is better.

I think you are doing good.I have heard alot of people had done just that.Eventually reaching there goal. Ruthie

[kaybee2]

Do you think it will prolong the w/d's because I put opiates in my body, even though Im used to at least one 80mg of oxy a day. I guess a drug is a drug is a drug right? no matter how you look at it. I am disapointed in myself but i am still gonna keep going. I really want to see what real life is like. I forget. I dont even know what to expect to feel like because I feel like its been so long since I've lead a normal life without needing pills to survive. Even though I've only been on oc's for about a year it feels like an eternity.

[VOsRose]

Don't look back at yesterday...keep going - one minute at a time.  I think we've all felt that we couldn't deal with the yucky w/d feeling anymore, so don't feel alone.  The important thing is you stay on the right course and get through it...and you WILL get through it, I promise.  Sometimes it doesn't seem like it and tomorrow seems so far away.  Take it hour by hour or minute by minute if you need to, but remember - the withdrawal will ease up and it will seem like a distant memory when you're a month out.  Don't forget it, though!  And make sure you have a good support group for the mental part of the withdrawal (which can last forever) so that you don't get weak and start using again after you've gone through the physical withdrawal!  Good luck!  

xoxoxo
Rosie