Day 4-Post opiate depression

[ct8789]

Hello! I am on day 4 of my cold turkey oxycontin withdrawal.  I was a pretty low dose user (maybe 10mg a day at the beginning and 20mg total a day towards the end) for 4-5 months.  I only felt really crappy physically for the first day and a half.  By now, I am pretty much past any physical symptoms, no stomach upset, no RLS, I'm sleeping fine (taking zzzquil before bed just in case), no dilated pupils. The thing that's killing me is the depressed feelings I am experiencing.  The depression set in on day 2 of withdrawal and just feels awful...I even got a raise at work yesterday and didn't really feel any joy.

The thing is: I felt really depressed all day yesterday and then I went home, did Pilates, hung out with my family and laughed with my sister and fiance.  I didn't feel depressed at all during this time, I actually felt the first REAL happiness that I've had since I started popping pills.  This morning, I woke up feeling down again.  

My question is this: Could some of this depression be partly in my head? Like I read so much about how depressed people feel after giving up opiates that I convinced myself that I was going to be the same? I don't understand how I could feel so much better while distracted.  Does anyone think that because I didn't use that much for too long that this will be over soon and I'll feel like myself again? I just can't stand feeling so depressed.  I have a wonderful life other than the pills.  I think the only reason I started taking the oxy was that I knew how much I enjoyed opitates from previous surgeries and the pills were literally right in front of me everyday (they are a family member's who never noticed any missing).  I'm worried that because I've been affected mentally so much that I'm at a greater risk for PAWS, although i'm hoping my relatively light usage will combat that.

Please tell my what you think or if anyone has experience with this.  I am wondering if there are any other people who used a similar amout for a similar amount of time as me.  Please help.  

[ct8789]

Thank you thank you! I just need the hope!

[akitagurl12]

oh no problem, and just wanted to let you know that day 4 is like the worst day of detox and you sound a LOT better then i did on day 4:)  Hang in there, this will all be behind you soon.

[ct8789]

Thanks for the response.  I think we are freaking ourselves out a little here...but if we can psych ourselves into it, we can psych ourselves out, right? We just have to remember that we are doing a really GOOD thing for ourselves and once we're out of the woods, we can look back and be extremely proud of what we've accomplished.  I wish you the best!

[ct8789]

Thank you for responding to me. You're right... I do feel better with distractions and keeping busy.  I appreciate you sharing your experience.  I think that this is one of those things that there is not easy way out for.... just have to live with it until the day I wake up and feel better.

[ct8789]

Thank you so much.  Just hearing that it might partly be in my head makes a difference.  I tend to dwell on things and get myself pretty psyched up, so it would make some sense that I was doing that here.  Hopefully I can psych myself out of some of this and the rest will pass soon.  

[dee480]

I think I'm kinda like you right now...I used hydro for pain first, then fun.  Not too much compared to some other folks here, but enough to worry about.  So I stopped and was fine.  Used again for the energy and the fact that it made boring everyday life seem a little more fun...and when I ran out I got really sick.  Scared the hell outta me.  So now I've got hold of some oxys to help me taper.  BUT...I think our similarity is the over-thinking part.  Maybe I've worked-up this w/d thing so much in my head that it seems insurmountable - and maybe it's true that you are still thinking about pills so much...I'm new here, so I'm not really good at offering advice, but I wanted to share.  Sounds like you're really smart and doing all the right stuff...best to you - hope you get happier!

[akitagurl12]

hi,
from my own personal experience getting off of painkillers, it took me a full 2 weeks to get some relief from the depression and a full month before i actually could feel any sort of hope for my life.  So I think depression right now is completely normal.  I tried taking other pills to help with the depression, but it just made me feel worse.  Finally I just accepted it and tried to do whatever I could  do to lift my spirits.  Funny movies, inspiring books, getting out in nature... whatever.  If you can force yourself to find something to laugh at, I think that will help.  I know when u are in the middle of depression hell, the last thing you feel like doing is laughing, but it is what got me through those first 2 weeks.  It will get better, I promise.

[IBKleen]

Hi Hun,

You are on day 4 and everything you are feeling is normal. To be honest, I do think some of it may be in your head. You re reading about others and you are dwelling on it. Get out of your own head and try to keep busy.

Also, stop dwelling on PAWS. Even if you did get it it would be way, way down the road and there is no risk factor for it. I don't know where you read that but you need to stop reading this nonsense.

Turn your attitude around and you will be amazed how much of a difference it will make in your recovery. Do something nice for yourself today!!!

[ct8789]

please help :(