Done...and this time I need to do it right.

[Ashelen]

So some of you know that I'm a pain management patient and I took a "drug holiday" earlier this month (stopped my meds for 2 weeks in order to restart my tolerance)...I wasn't sure if I was going to refill my script or not, but I did. I don't have a problem abusing my medicine (I take 5mg Norco 3x a day) but I'm tired of having to take them around the clock or end up with withdrawals.

So...I'm done. I'm in the middle of my script and when I woke up this morning I got the awful withdrawal-haven't-taken-a-pill-in-a-long-time feeling and I decided that I'm done.

I made an appointment with my GP tomorrow and I need to know what to ask her..I'm going to ask for some medicine to help me deal with the withdrawals. I'm stopping cold turkey this weekend. We're moving into a new house and we're goin to be painting and putting down carpet and moving...but this is the best time for me to do it. I need to keep busy or I will start having panic attacks - I take the medicine for legitimate pain reasons and the thought of dealing with the pain without medicine has me panicked even now, so I know that I need to keep busy or I'll cave and start taking the medicine again and I just don't want it anymore. But by the same token I can't completely shut down, and I have 2 small children who rely on me (my husband will be home 4 days this weekend as well, which is why this is a good time for me to do it) so I need to be somewhat functional.

what do you guys recommend? I know I"m going to get some multi-vitamins and protein shakes...I was thinking of asking for clonodine and something for anxiety, as well as something for RLS and sleep - when I've cut my meds out before the RLS and the interrupted sleep been the worst part of it for me.

does anyone have anything else to recommend? my GP is very helpful and I think she'll give me whatever I feel like I need because I mean it's pretty much every doctor's dream to get their patient off of 24/7 pain meds right?

anyway..I'm terrified. I really am. I've lived with pain meds for 5 years because my pain level is so high, and while I've stopped taking them before for weeks or months at a time...this time I'm really done. i want to be done. I know my pain is going to be back, but I don't know that it's not better than dealing with pain medicine 24/7 and all the appointments and side effects that come with it.

please help me..I'm so scared. I need to do this NOW before I chicken out and continue the cycle. I already called and canceled my PM appointment for next month where I was supposed to get another refill, and it takes a long time to get an appointment so at this point it's do or die. (not really lol but you know what I mean).

help..can I do this?! will the medicine help me?! I know I'm on a low dose, so I should be able to function...right? i know I need to buy immodium too....omg, I'm so scared, but I'm so ready.

help...I know I'm not an "addict" but I'm physically dependent and you guys are the only ones I can think of who can help me...so please do. the pain terrifies me, it really does, but i'm done.

[10356]

Hi Ashelen.. I just wanted to throw my support in :) Congrats on reclaiming your Free life ! It sounds like you have everything you need The Hylands helped me tremendously as did the Valerian Root. I also walked everyday with my dogs. the movement helped more then anything. with moving and packing it will help with the anxiety and aches. I took Hot showers and they worked just as well as a bath..  make sure you drink a lot of fluids. although you were on a small amount it still causes slight dehydration so get a good sport's drink to replace electrolytes. Keeping yourself plenty hydrated will help combat the kidney stones..and force yourself to eat ok. My husband was on 1 a day for years He had quit with me and was surprised how emotional he was. just goes to show even a small dose can stunt our emotions. He could not believe the clarity he felt once off.. sleep will return just try to be patient and know this will pass.. I live with pain also and I never thought I would be free of it but I was very surprised that the level of pain I deal with has gone down after getting off the opiates.. I wish you a good life Free to leave when you want and for how long without counting any pills to make sure you have enough ! Keep a Positive attitude and know you are doing the very best thing for yourself and your family.. lesa

[Ashelen]

oh good Lord sorry for the novel LOL I wanted to add...I will need all the hand-holding I can get. I've birthed two babies with almost no pain medicine, I've had many many kidney stones and ovarian cysts...I've held peoples' hands as they died, and I've lived with an abusive alcoholic mom all my life...and the battle I have ahead of me scares the cr@p out of me....does that make me a coward? this seems lke the one thing I'm not strong enough to face...but I know I'm going to.

let the hand-holding commence!

[Ashelen]

THank you Sudie and Sara -  you guys are a great part of my cheerleading team!

Vicki - your righteous indignation on my part warms my heart....hehe.

I'm doing alright. I started the taper today...I know we can't do specifics but I am taking a slightly smaller amount (I have a pill cutter) a slightly longer time apart.

I'm going to take 1/4 of a .25 phernegan tonight so that I can get through the night with less medicine in my system (phenergan knocks me the freak out) and maybe get to the point where I'm not taking it at night at all before I stop completely because I know that sleeping is going to be my biggest challenge - usually the pain is so bad at night that I rely on the pills to put me out. I'm going to try to switch to toradol for night time for about a week and then regular ibuprofen and see how that goes. this is all after the taper.

my dad and my husband are being really good about this...my husband knows he's going to have to watch the kids at night even though he's working next week because in the past my biggest challenge has been that if I get woken up, I can't get back to sleep. he's being a real doll and he said that he's excited for me...he's tired of me struggling with the pain but he's also tired of watching me agonize over the medicine..there's so much addiction in my family that it's always been a sore point in my mind so even when I was taking them they were causing guilt and fear...so it's time to be Free.

he's even planning to quit cigarettes on my "1 month clean" anniversary...his way of showing support. we'll see...but i'm touched by the thought.

I will go and get all of the things suggested..what about the beta blocker propranolol or atenolol? I have them both but I have like an entire bottle of atenolol because it made me too sleepy so they switched me.

in some ways..I'm really excited about this. I'm terrified of the withdrawals and of dealing with the pain later, but I'm ready to at least see where it's at. I didn't stay "clean" long enough last time...I was still suffering from wds by the time I refilled my meds so I never got a good look at my pain. this time, I'm forcing myself not to go back to the pain doctor until after my daughter's birthday, IF I go at all - and that's inthe end of september. that will give me a good amount of time to see where my pain is at.

What i'm trying to tell myself is..yes, I will be sick. Yes I will lose sleep and twitch and cry and throw up and poo a lot....but then it will be over, right? I mean..tuesday should be my first day completely done with all the meds (that will give me about 10 to keep stashed away somewhere so if I get in a ton of pain I don't have to go all the way to the doctor to get another script - I won't have trouble taking them, I've never had "Cravings" or trouble taking my meds when/how I'm supposed to....but since I DO get kidney stones regularly and cysts on top of all my other pain I know that keeping a few around is a good thing for me)

so anyway back to my point...if I stop completely monday afternoon (or tuesday morning as was suggested above...that seems like a good idea) then by saturday I should feel a lot better, right? I mean I'm on a low dose...and I"m already tapering..I'm just hoping that I can be functioning in order to enjoy our move into our new home the weekend after this one....


also..even though I'm not an "addict" persay...do I still get to celebrate "clean" time? I still feel like this drug has taken ahold of my life, if in a different way from an addict, and I'm excited to start my life for the first REAL time in 5 years with a new perspective....I've had periods of not taking the meds before, but never have I said "no more for at least 5 months"....before it's always been "get more if the pain comes back".

[vicki595]

Are you kidding me??? Your doctor can't help you because of insurance???  What's the deal with that? She can't write an rx for a cheap medicine (I think it's cheap LOL) that you can pay for in cash? That's BS. AND you don't need to be tapered!   That's a scam!!  It's sounding like they want to keep you coming back for the $$$...GRRR! Can you tell I'm irritated??

Okay...yes,Nyquil helps a lot of people and it's fine to take at bedtime. Many doctors advise cold medicine with dextromethorphan because it helps a number of symptoms including RLS;so get that. Yes,Hyland's works but not 100%. Any magnesium tablet,alone or with a vitamin or other mineral,works for RLS as well. It can all be taken together(cold med,Hylands,and mag).

And,yes,Valerian root and Melatonin work. Again,not 100% but they really help! The tea is good,too.  Hot showers work as well as baths but it's just nice to sit so we talk about the baths a lot...

Do not worry about this. Get on here and post. You'll get plenty of hand holding,just not in person.  :(

[dominosarah]

Dont fear the wd's.  I know it is no fun but it is necessary to rid our bodies of the toxins.  It is very scary to give up something we have grown dependant on.  Our minds play games with us as we always fear the unknown.  Your pain will more than likely increase for awhile but many of us have found our pain got better the longer we were off the meds.  Keeping busy will be good for you, keeps your mind off things.  Keep us posted on how you are doing.  You can and will do this!!         sara

[sudie58]

hi, i just wanted to add my good wishes to you, all the things that vicky suggested do help , and the clonodine does the same job as a beta blocker, its for hypertension also.
sometimes the fear stops us from doing things and you imagine its going to be worse than it actually is, take care and god bless.