Help-prescription fraud-need advice desparetly

[Help me Im drowning]

Someone please give me some good advice....I am seriously addicted to opiates and I think I have finally hit rock bottom. I have been on narcotics for 4 years now. I have degenerative arthritis and just had diskogram done several months ago and found out I have a tear in the fibers around L5-S1 and the center nucleous is leaking out...(herniated disk). I am a patient at a pain clinic and am now on Methadone. My doc wants me to have an IDET but my insurance wont cover it and I think I am too young for a fusion...Im not even 30 yet and really couldnt afford the surgery anyway. For the past year I have been going through the cycle of running out of meds early and trying to figure out how to get more to get me through. Recently I was involved in a car wreck...well it was a road rage incident....guy with big stuffed duck tied to front end of flatbed utility truck ran me off the road passing me, i blew horn and he slammed on brakes and reversed into me causing 5,000 dollars damage to my car...broke my husbands foot and then he waited for cops to get there....needless to say I have been in extremem pain since then...I took extra methadone( I only take 30mg per day), so I ran out. My brother just had back surgery and he was taking percocet....he had a refill of vicodin left at the drug store and I called it in and picked it up.. I really didnt think he was using it anymore, and he wasnt, but he ran out of his percocet early and tried to get his refill just 4 days after I had already picked it up. I know I really screwed up, and he knows the truth now b.c I told him...he was mad but understood that I was desperate...going through withdrawels for 3 days and in pain and knew I could get my meds for 5 more days....the problem is now his workers comp is involved and is filling a police report. I am wondering if anyone has been through this kind of thing before.....I am hoping that by the grace of GOD that I wont be recognized on the surveillence tapes at the store. The pharmacy told him whoever picked it up cam in the store so they will be going through the tapes with the police soon....I didnt really go in the store, I went through the drive-thru not in my car and with dark shades on....the store doesn'thave camerras that show tag numbers, just the car through the window...I am hoping that because I was driving a super-raised truck that they wont be able to identify me...and my brother isnt either......PLease give any advice you can..... I know I messed up, but I am really a nice person, loving mom, devote Christian, but I gave in to a weakness and know I am so truely ashamed. My husband doesnt know how bad my provblem is. What should I do???????

Thanks for any advice.

HElp_me_im_drowing!!!!! And i dont want to go to federal prison....

[mom2rachie]

Please review steps 5 - 12 of AA...  You need to LIVE these rightnow and forever in order to heal.  You're already halfway there by believeing and trusting in God (supposedly).  God less you and your family.

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

[mom2rachie]

Although Beach CAN be harsh, he's right.  Your thoughts and fears and prayers are based on not getting caught.  Perhaps if you looked at what the situation REALLY is and prayed for HELP from God to get CLEAN and start getting HONEST withyourself and your husband who you are joined to BY GOD, you will receive the outcome you're looking for.

God is NOT Santa Claus.  Ask him to heal you and take your addiction away and ask him for the strength to talk and confide in your husband and to be a mother to your children and maybe after then HE will see that you are not caught and punished.  We can all say "Dear God, if you just get me out of this jam I promise to......" but that doesn't mean we will make any real changes.
Ask yourself what you want out of life.  Maybe this is the wake up call you really need to make some major changes.  Maybe God saw the direction you were going and decided to intervene!!

I REALLY WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO THROUGH GETTING CAUGHT...PLEASE ANYONE WHO CAN PRAY FOR ME......PRAY FOR MY BROTHER...WHO BY THE WAY IS ALSO AN ADDICT WHO HAS STOLEN PAIN MEDS FROM ME ALSO....

For a mother to say that she would rather DIE than go through getting caught is beyond addcitive behavior, it's selfish.  Get a grip.  Make haste in changing your life, GET HONEST, and worry about getting caught AFTERWARDS!   You're mentioning your brother at the end and saying he is also an addict is just the addict in you trying to justify your behavior,  Nowhere in your posts have I heard that you want a chang, only that you don't want to get caught.  Well, maybe getting caught is your bottom and the only way you WILL and CAN change.

You're in my prayers regardless.  God will fix this the way He sees fit and as a Christian you need to trust in that.  Marcatj is right, Let Go annd Let Go.  What's done is done.  The only thing you can change right now is you!  I wish you luck!!

[Help me Im drowning]

I think I have found my soul-mate.  You know, I do know that I am indeed an ADDICT.  LEt me tell you, when I first posted this this question it was for all the wrong reasons.  I hadnt really told my Step-brother yet.  I just wanted to get an idea if I would in fact get caught.  I have had many thoughts about how wrond this is....and had even picked up the phone several times to call my brother and just tell him everything but until this morning...I never did.  Over this weekend though I have finally, I think, gotten control.  See I started snorting my methadone, because I thought it would work better.....I honestly do have severe pain in my back, but until now, I havent decided to go back to a surgeon because, for one, I already still owe one orthopeadic surgeon over 1200 dollars still for 2 years worth of treatment and them never finding the problem in my back....I am now a patient at a pain clinic...they are the one who did a discogram and found that I have these tears in my L5- and L6-S1 vertebres (i have 6 instead of 5) and that they are herniated....they want to do an IDET but my insurance wont pay for it...I have asked them if surgery was an option but they just say...you can go to a surgeon if you want but they wont touch your back.....my step-brother who I took the pills from has the same problem...literely...L5-S1 tears and he just had a fusion......All the pain clinic docs want to do is giving me pain pills, i guess until BCBS wants to pay for the IDET.....like you I also have been stealing pain pills from people for a long time now...my family, my friends, my mom...my husband...the list goes on...but my husband is a control freak, he is verbally abusive and he would be disgusted if he knew the extint of my ADDICTION....I have been praying all weekend about what to do and I finally saw the light when I would snort a methadone, then say to myself....I am not snorting ANYMORE....then 30mins later I was saying just one more.....and all the time I am having this crazy conversation with myself that thats the last one....and I realize that I am no longer in CONTROL......I called my brother this morning and told him I really needed to talk.....he is meeting me at lunch today at 12:30 and I am going to tell him everything...I love him and we are very close and I just pray that this doesn't ruin our relationship.  I will never tell my husband (unless I do get caught) and I still hope and pray I dont get caught..  I believe that my brother will help me get away with it if we can....we just have to come up with a good story...I will say I put it on his porch or something and it must have got gone....I am sure that I will be able to pay Workmans Comp back without it being too much of a deal.....Mabey I am still out of line here, but I do WANT to be able to get away with this so that I can go on and have the back surgery to take care of the pain, then I WILL get help to get clean.  I KNOW I  AM AN ADDICT AND RIGHT NOW I AM ALSO A SORRY SELFISH CORRUPT PERSON.  I DO NOT LIKE WHO I AM AND MY CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER.  I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS....ALSTHOUGH I WILL NEED ALOT OF HELP ALONG THE WAY.  I hope I can count on the people in this forum to help.  i have seen so many great posts and i hope you can also accept me into this wonderful place.....one question.  What is the Thomas recipe?

[Robyn68]

There are so many posts that I might repeat some of the things that have been said.

First, have you considered talking with your physician about your use of opiates?  Have you considered seeking detox or treatment?  Are you even at the point where you can honestly admit that you have a problem?  Because you do have a problem.   Normal people do not steal pain pills.

I know this because I will steal a pain pill from anyone, no matter who, because I am an ADDICT.  I constantly steal from my mother when I run out, because I am an ADDICT.   I do not feel guilt for the doctors I lie to to get my opiates because I am an ADDICT.   Sometimes I have a rational thought that it is insane that I have five different physicians and five different pharmacies from which I am getting my pills but that thought does not last long because I am an ADDICT and must feed my ADDICTION.  

Like you, drowning, I am a loving mother, regularly attend mass, live in a nice house, my children go to private school, I have a masters degree, and I am killing myself because I am an ADDICT.    Few of my friends know and my neighbors would be shocked.

Over the past three years I have been in treatment three times and each time my husband (no ex-husband) clearly made it known how disgusted he found my addiction to be.  So I know all about hiding and worrying about being caught, so on and so on.    Recovery from an addiction is a process and right now your fears are understandable.   Instead of me praying for you that you "don't get caught" I would like to pray that you begin to see that you are living the life of an addict and that you will seek the help you need despite your fear of reprisal from your husband.   Because, believe me, this will not be the first negative consequence you will have if you continue to abuse pain pills.

I just came across this board this morning.   I need to detox and formulate a good recovery plan.   I have been addicted to opiates for five years and know this disease is going to kill me if I don't stop.  

[oneway]

Your all about recovery.  I don't know most of the time BASED on your posts you seem like your just about giving advice because it heightens your self esteem, could be wrong hope I am.  Where is my post to her well that was defending her from your tirades of implying that she is a bad person and should feel guilt and shame when she already does.  She is in a state where she probably can't stand up for herself because she already feels so low so I stood up for her.  Get off the computer sometimes and exercise see the fresh air.  Not being mean but giving you tough love just like you right.

[oneway]

Me being narrowminded AHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAA.  but look at yourself.  You refuse to ever aknowledge that your post are ever negative you narrow minded fool.  Oh you keep calling her a THEIF when she is already feeling bad.  Kick a dog while its down your real stand up.  Yo truth be told I'm a THEIF I was straight up robbing dudes with guns and use to be bring terror to neighborhoods I'm definetly not proud of this but its funny because a guy that a lot of people see as uncompassionate has way more compassion then your wanna be father figure phony leader self does. Yo man you talk about how you been through all this and that and seen it all that sounds like bs to me.  Because if you were involved with a hardcore addiction you would understand that people ALWAYS LIE and would be a lot more understanding.   you talk about being ashamed of lifestyles and thats why we lie, yo we lie to get drugs.  Now your making up stupid points just to defend what you said.  Dude you need to go out and do something besides this forum.  You talk about you been through all this hardcore stuff that sounds kind of fishy to me because most people who really been through a lot are a lot more humble then you are.  You talk about:  OH I was anhonest man and took my sentence.  What did you do six months to a year you want a cookie now.  Your the man, you know it all, you are the king of recovery, we should all listen to the jesus of recovery beachtowel.  Honestly get over yourself.