finally posting..35 hours into this.

[ramblinman75]

hello everyone.  ive been reading this forum for a long time.   I have been off and on lortab over the last few years due to a variety of sports injuries and surgeries.
I finally have made the decision to stop.  I had definately been taken more than prescribed as they were easy to find.  i was taking up to 15-20 10/320 norco a day.  i had weaned down to about 5-6 per day but as i was already feeling so bad and the ones i was taking were not doing anything i just decided to jump off and deal with it.  Two days ago i made it a day and a half and ended up taking another couple.  My last one was yesterday at 830 am.  I am now 35 hours into it and i honestly do not feel too bad.  last night was terrible but today i feel better.  I have been taking a lot  of vitamins imodiom potassiam gatorade etc.  I did get up this am and work out.  One thing i have found extremely helpful for energy is a good pre workout as well as an energy tablet called amino chews. they provide amino acids and energy.  I have intentionally timed this because i leave town in the am and will be gone out of town for 8 days home for three and gone for another 8.  i figured that way if i had a week moment i would not fold amd make a call.  Not sure if this is that big of a deal but i just went over to my friends house knowing he has a ton of them in this safe and will always hand em over if asked and i did not ask.  Just got some 800mg ibuprofen and B-12 from him.  So maybe this time i will get back off and not forget how bad they are.  Thanks guys and gals

[YesLife4Me]

I don't remember who said that to me, but I love the cucumber/pickle analogy too.   I soooo want to be a cucumber, but sadly, I've been pickled and can never be a cucumber again.   It is a loss of a friend.   At one time it was a good friend but became not a very good friend.   A deceiving friend.   One that leads us on with lies and wants to take us down with them.    Problem is the friend appears as an angel sometimes.   We have to recognize the wolf in sheep's clothing.   It's always prowling around us waiting for a weak moment to pounce so it can convince us we are a cucumber.   Then the cycle starts again.   I guess I would rather be a pickle than all the bad stuff that comes with addiction.  ;)  

[FourJays]

Hello-just want to say you are doing great & give some support.  My pill use started 15 years ago for legit medical reasons just like you.  I was also off and on them for all that time, ending up with 14 months of constant use up til I quit on Dec. 1st.  Sounds like you are doing really well; usually right around that 3rd day mark the worst of the physical symptoms will peak.  I think the whole exercise this is really big too - it has been a major factor in my success getting clean.  But please - I agree with all the others here, the friend/source thing is going to be a real challenge for you.  Be strong and have a plan for this - this IS your life!  Good luck!
Julie

[FourJays]

I love your cucumber/pickle analogy!  I think that knowing and accepting the fact that the pills are simply NOT an option now and never will be is the hardest thing to live with.  It is sometimes sad; almost like I feel I've suffered some kind of loss.  And actually I have, all the years I spent in a fog on the pills, always worrying/fretting over when and where I was going to get more.  Thinking of it that way helps I guess.  The "gain" of 54 days clean far outweighs any loss.  

[Fireby29]

I just want to echo what Sara said.  Your doing great, and be proud of yourself, but that kind of access to pills is a literal timb bomb.

Tell your secret, cut off ALL sources of narcs (doc, dentist, dealer, friends, pharmacy) and get aftercare.  I hate to be a downer, but I am over 200 days clean and the craving still exists so I must have zero access to pills.  You will get weak at some point.

Consider it.  Your life has to some first.

Bryan

[YesLife4Me]

Well everyone is different in how they react to wd's.  Sounds like you are lucky...this time.   Each wd can be and is very different.   I have had ones that were pure misery and others that I coasted through.    But don't let that fool you into thinking you can escape a horrible wd experience the next time.  I have fallen for that trap and wound up taking pills again because it wasn't so bad.   This is a cunning and baffling disease that will take us down in a moments notice if we don't keep our guard up.   It sounds like you have been prescribed them in the past for legitimate use but then found yourself seeking out more?   Some quotes that have stuck with me:  One pill is too many and a thousand is never enough.    We were once cucumbers, we have been pickled, now we are pickles and can never be a cucumber again.    I can never go back to controlled useage and be a normal pill taker.   I know if I get a few, I will want more.  It triggers an obsessive compulsive behavior.   The only option left is that pills are not an option.  

[dominosarah]

You are doing great so stay strong.  My biggest concern is with the friend who has a stash pile.  Once the wd's are over that situation will call your name.  Recovery goes so much deeper than just quitting.  The mental part kicks in and that is the hard part.  Changing our playground and playmates is very important.  We have to surround ourselves with healthy sober people.  Have you thought about aftercare at all?

[ramblinman75]

No.  I meant off and on for years but used constant for last 8 months.  

[YesLife4Me]

8 months is awesome!   So how long we you on them this last time?  

[ramblinman75]

Good thoughts no.  Yes I have used last several years off and on.  Probably 8 months straight this last time.  All mainly due to legitimate injuries.   I have never been addicted to anything and it never occurred to me and the dr certainly did not cover it

[YesLife4Me]

I understand what you mean about cutting off people in your life.  My connection is a family member that I cannot avoid, period.   I had to tell him no more.  Please do not give me any even if I ask.  Of course, I have suffered relapses because it was too easy to work him, so that's why I say it is really important that you set that boundary with your friend.   They really need to know you are serious.   I'm telling you...knowing they are just a phone call away can really wreak havoc with your mind.   Sometimes they call out to me like a roaring lion.   And that's no joke!   When that happens you need to have a support system in place.    

In the meantime, it sounds like you are getting through the wd this time pretty lightly.   That's great!   Don't let that fool you into thinking that it's over though.   Post Acute Withdraw Symptoms (PAWS) pop up from time to time.   Some of the acute symptoms randomly appear and it can freak you out.   And part of PAWS can be depression and anxiety too.    That's why aftercare and support is preached so much on here.   We are not out of the woods after we start feeling physically better.   We rejoice at getting past the worst of it and then aren't prepared for the weeks or months of things that happen with our brains and bodies as it has to reset itself.   That all depends on how long and what you were using too.    I've had breaks in between and wd wasn't as bad.  Uncomfortable yes.  Can I ask how long your last useage was?    That may be playing a role in your wd this time.  

[ramblinman75]

Well I'm over 48 hours into this and while I've been thru this before and couldn't move I am not as bad as expected.   I am using a preworkout as  an energy booster and chewable amino tabs thru the day.   It really seems to help.  I think it's something in the preworkou drinkt.  If I took that and then took hydro after workout I never even felt them.   I'm not 100% sure if its helping or not but I'm up and moving around out running errands etc.  I'm waiting on the hammer to drop though

[Bkitty]

This forum has crazy amazing support! I lived on this forum in the beginning. I don't get on the forum and post as much as I used to but I always am reading the posts! Sometimes I jump in to offer support and remind myself how far Ive come. I have to keep it real in my world ;). So when you cant sleep or feel weak or having a hard time coming here will help so much!!! I know the sleep issue is a rough one. Really rough. I don't have much advice other than it will come. I flipped and flopped in my bed for over a week. Hang in there and I am sure you will get thru this! ((hugs))

[toothfairie]

just wanted to offer my support...just hang in there for the next few days....it will get better and you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel....and for sure tell your friend that you've stopped taking the pills....

good luck and post when you need support!  this site is awesome for that!  

[ramblinman75]

Thanks bkitty.  I appreciate your comments.   Hopefully coming on here will help.  The sleep is the worst at this pointI don't want to take anything non over the counter.  That's good to hear about day three.  Seems alot of people have said that.   I have nothing going on that day.  I appreciate everything

[Bkitty]

Usually day 3 is a rough one for most. I understand about your friend and the concern,,but set a boundrary with them. Be honest with them and tell them under NO circumstance are they to give you any pills,,if possible. I know easier said than done.

[ramblinman75]

Thanks for the post and concern.  Unfortunately I can't cut someone out of my life I have known for over 10 years.  I do t think I have ever been at a point with them where I thought there was a problem.   However as of late as use increased and I honestly got no relief  or feeling from taking them I realized this has got to stop.  I have never been an angel but have never had a problem with anything else.    When should I expect the worst to actually hit physically.  Tomorrow am will be 48 hours.  

[Bkitty]

Welcome and congrats on taking the steps to get your life back! Sounds like you have a great plan EXCEPT that friend of yours with the pills in the safe~Dont play with fire. You feel good now and feel strong but this addiction is very cunning and humbling and you still have a few days to go before you get thru the brunt of the withdrawals. That friend has "got to go" ,,go out of your life. You have got to burn the bridges with all your pill sources!! This addiction will win hands down! Ok,,enough,,Il get off my soap box~I don't want to see you fail! You have got a great start!! Welcome and keep us posted. I wish you all the best!! ((hugs))

[YesLife4Me]

Congrats on taking your life back.   The hardest part is after the physical detox when we get to feeling better.  Then the mental part kicks in.  Knowing they are just a call away is a tricky road to navigate (( know).   To help make sure you can't get more, tell your friend you are quitting.   It makes it not so easy to ask and hopefully your friend will not offer or give in if you come asking.   We do forget how bad they are...we get amnesia to what they do to us and the withdraws.   You are doing good...glad the wd isn't too bad on you.  

[Lotlost]

Good luck man, good first step!