Have appt. Monday..

[azaddiction]

So hello all, just wanted to let you know I am finally seeking treatment. I did the Subox search, the nearest Doc is 20 miles away, so I called around for prices, I found a Psychiatrist (spelling) about 60 miles away, spoke with her a few times and I am very hopeful she will be able to help me, she sounds so positive with treating my underlying problem to help get over the reason I take vic's in the first place.  So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, she is also a Sub Doc, so hopefully I can kick this once and for all???  I am down to my last 4 10/650 lortab's I need them to last until Monday's appt, she wanted to see what the problem was before we go straight to Sub, so she said not to detox yet.  That wasn't bad news for me, hate to detox, but the other issue is I may have to detox, because I have 3 days till I see her and only 4 left.  Wish me luck.....

[azaddiction]

As I was thinking on it, none of of were born addicts, there was some reason, whether real pain, or some other things happening, but the bottom line is we used because in the end it made us feel better, the pain went away, and in most cases the pain of life would go away for a time, but I do believe that there could be other factors involded in our addictions, we don't become addicts because it's the cool thing to do, I would hope.  We become addicts because we have life to deal with and some life is harder to deal with than others, in my case getting through the day (functioning) normal, with my med's of course, is the only way I can get through the day, I hope one day getting through my life medication free would be a normal way to live, but until then I am traped in "addiction" and would think/hope there is better things out there to get me back to "normal" what ever that is.....right now I'm struggling, I have my appt. Monday it's only Saturday, and only have 1 pill left to make to that appoitment, which by the way is 1 hour and 40 minutes away from were I live, i'm scared I won't even be able to drive by myself when the time comes, so I guess I just need to find out what my deal is and get on with recovery.  Whether it be from addiciton or depression, bi polar, what ever, I'm a crazy ***** with out my pills, and until I stop chasing the next high, and one day stop all together then I have to seek help before I kill myself one way or another.... get my point...Yes and meetings would be a great place to start, I plan on seeking after treatment care, so this doesn't become an endless cycle..........but before that can happen I would like not to feel the way I do today......so peace out...........talk at you all later.......

[Gobig]

That's correct!  Going to meetings?

[azaddiction]

I pretty much said the same thing to her, I told her I feel depressed and anxiety, because I'm almost out of my pills, but she thinks it may be other things involved to make me feel this way.  Oh well I'm hopful and scared at the same time, just want to be free of it one day.........and what ever helps, helps.........right?

[Gobig]

Interesting statement - she sounds so positive with treating my underlying problem to help get over the reason I take vic's in the first place.  
It could be - like a lot of us - that you're an addict.

[Carrie76]

Hey girl!! Nice to hear from you again!!  Thats great that you found those venues!! Hopefully they will help and get you on the track of total cleanness!! I will be praying for you and wishing you the best this weekend, just keep posting and letting us know how you are:) Its gonna be tuff but I know that your a very strong woman and that yu can do this:)

[Sput28401]

Good luck, but you might be in for a rough weekend. I wish you much success.