Aa
I can not lie to myself...
Fioricet will kill me.
It's my drug of choice. It's my wonder miracle drug. It's my cure all. It's my own personal demon. It controls me, I have no control over it.
I've tried and tried to slowly taper, I"ve tried and failed endless times, I'm back at IDK how many pills per day, 20 maybe, or more, I don't count anymore. My little system of counting out pills per day is not affective. My husband can't hold on them, I find ways to get them elsewhere. I"m outta control.
And so, at this moment I am going to an addiction center to detox--well I'm not leaving now, Monday will be the day. I have to take care of some stuff that only I can do in my household first...My worse fear in this world is seizures. And for some reason I already know I would get them! I also remember when my husband forgot to give me my daily pills and he worked 12 hrs and how delirious I felt after 12 hours.
If you happen across this post, and your dr gave u a script for fioricet for the first time, do not fill it. If you are taking 6-8 a day, that's great. reduce slowly. 6-8 is cake. I've taken 6-8 in the last 3 hours.
Body builds up a dependency to them. Making them totally inaffective for why they were once prescribed. And actuallly cause rebound headaches, so you need to take more the next day--take exedrin migraine instead or aspririn and a strong coffee, stay in a dark room, and get some rest..
Inpatient detox feels like the only way. All I want is to be safe when this evil demonic chemical leaves my body, I don't want to be alone while husband is at work.. I fear seizures, I fear the delirium--yeah, been there.
PCP is the one who prescribed me my first script after I told him how addicted I was, what months and months ago. And his script wasn't even for what he typically gave me it was more. I filled it, without looking at it, and then the devil was back in my house, and I was in pain, and yeah, that's all it took...
I wish I never met fioricet.
I want to go to inpatient this time.
It's my drug of choice. It's my wonder miracle drug. It's my cure all. It's my own personal demon. It controls me, I have no control over it.
I've tried and tried to slowly taper, I"ve tried and failed endless times, I'm back at IDK how many pills per day, 20 maybe, or more, I don't count anymore. My little system of counting out pills per day is not affective. My husband can't hold on them, I find ways to get them elsewhere. I"m outta control.
And so, at this moment I am going to an addiction center to detox--well I'm not leaving now, Monday will be the day. I have to take care of some stuff that only I can do in my household first...My worse fear in this world is seizures. And for some reason I already know I would get them! I also remember when my husband forgot to give me my daily pills and he worked 12 hrs and how delirious I felt after 12 hours.
If you happen across this post, and your dr gave u a script for fioricet for the first time, do not fill it. If you are taking 6-8 a day, that's great. reduce slowly. 6-8 is cake. I've taken 6-8 in the last 3 hours.
Body builds up a dependency to them. Making them totally inaffective for why they were once prescribed. And actuallly cause rebound headaches, so you need to take more the next day--take exedrin migraine instead or aspririn and a strong coffee, stay in a dark room, and get some rest..
Inpatient detox feels like the only way. All I want is to be safe when this evil demonic chemical leaves my body, I don't want to be alone while husband is at work.. I fear seizures, I fear the delirium--yeah, been there.
PCP is the one who prescribed me my first script after I told him how addicted I was, what months and months ago. And his script wasn't even for what he typically gave me it was more. I filled it, without looking at it, and then the devil was back in my house, and I was in pain, and yeah, that's all it took...
I wish I never met fioricet.
I want to go to inpatient this time.
Butbalee your in good hads with Vicki she has been where you are and knows this drug intimately.....listen to what she tells you she is one of our resident experts I truly hope our forum helps to set you free....no one is to far gone good luck and God bless Gnarly
It has to happen. I came too far to let this get me again. I want to feel that clear minded feeling i felt before my failure...What a wonderful world it was. I was even able to save some money. But now, I'm looking at these 16 pills I have left and saying, I need more, I don't have enough for the wkend and my affairs are not in order yet, although I am working on that. I'm feeling more sad tonight than the emotional mess I was last night...
I'm watching one of my fish tanks, which used to feeel so soothing sober, and I'm thinking I wish I could turn back time and not take that pill....one pill, started it all again.
Thank you Vicki, I sent you a private msg also....
I'm watching one of my fish tanks, which used to feeel so soothing sober, and I'm thinking I wish I could turn back time and not take that pill....one pill, started it all again.
Thank you Vicki, I sent you a private msg also....
I want to add a couple of things here.
First of all you are not a failure and the time you were clean is important. It means that you can get away from this. Pain is your trigger along with brain chemistry. You HAVE to have an alternative form of headache medicine. And you need support. That's all. The rest is simple.
Because our brains LOVE this drug so much,we have to find a replacement for it or we fail.
The way you do that is easy but you have to do it. This is only my opinion and it's what has worked for me. I believe a lot us are dopamine deficient. Take the pills and we feel a lot happier,confident,energized,etc... The pills ALTER our chemistry just enough so we feel very good,not high but good. This is the secondary effect. The first is,of course, relief from pain. So,we're happy x two!
There are many things you can do to naturally increase dopamine thus increasing endorphins in the brain. Certain foods and exercise will make me a lot better. That,and a lot of positive reinforcement and support from my "support people" works for me. I don't know if it will for you but I suspect it will by the way you describe your use: "wonderful,miracle drug". It isn't. Your brain just loves it and you need to overide that.
Right now you're emotional and I totally understand. In the beginning of a detox it's a painfully emotional time. Those pills are what you live for and they're your best friend. I know. You can live without this particular "friend". I promise you. Just do the work. If you want it bad enough (and you do) it will happen.
I just want to add that I have a tracker. It was really great to watch the days tick by in the beginning. It was very upsetting when I took that one pill because I had to turn back the tracker to zero. No one told me I had to but I knew I did. I don't ever want to cheat myself.
And I want to be honest. I took those pills for decades,I grew up on them,and it's been kind of wild to be aware of who I really am. I don't think I ever knew...
NOW, GO GET'EM !!!
First of all you are not a failure and the time you were clean is important. It means that you can get away from this. Pain is your trigger along with brain chemistry. You HAVE to have an alternative form of headache medicine. And you need support. That's all. The rest is simple.
Because our brains LOVE this drug so much,we have to find a replacement for it or we fail.
The way you do that is easy but you have to do it. This is only my opinion and it's what has worked for me. I believe a lot us are dopamine deficient. Take the pills and we feel a lot happier,confident,energized,etc... The pills ALTER our chemistry just enough so we feel very good,not high but good. This is the secondary effect. The first is,of course, relief from pain. So,we're happy x two!
There are many things you can do to naturally increase dopamine thus increasing endorphins in the brain. Certain foods and exercise will make me a lot better. That,and a lot of positive reinforcement and support from my "support people" works for me. I don't know if it will for you but I suspect it will by the way you describe your use: "wonderful,miracle drug". It isn't. Your brain just loves it and you need to overide that.
Right now you're emotional and I totally understand. In the beginning of a detox it's a painfully emotional time. Those pills are what you live for and they're your best friend. I know. You can live without this particular "friend". I promise you. Just do the work. If you want it bad enough (and you do) it will happen.
I just want to add that I have a tracker. It was really great to watch the days tick by in the beginning. It was very upsetting when I took that one pill because I had to turn back the tracker to zero. No one told me I had to but I knew I did. I don't ever want to cheat myself.
And I want to be honest. I took those pills for decades,I grew up on them,and it's been kind of wild to be aware of who I really am. I don't think I ever knew...
NOW, GO GET'EM !!!
I think in patient is the way, especially being so frightened and after having relapsed after a lot of clean time. Your brain really loves this drug. It's not the same with a lot of other people;they can just take it or leave it!
I tapered over 9 months. I told myself if I didn't get away from the pills,I would have to go in patient and I didn't really want to do that. I don't know if that was the perfect way to go because I relapsed after 51/2 months. I took ONE pill but it scared me to death. That's when I asked for help from my doctor. I didn't want anyone to know before then...
So,you'll be detoxed and you'll get the support you should have. I will tell you this and I really believe it: It's difficult to taper/detox off from it and we alawys feel like we can't possibly live without it but that feeling goes away and it gets much easier to handle being clean. It's remarkable.
How long will you be in patient?
I tapered over 9 months. I told myself if I didn't get away from the pills,I would have to go in patient and I didn't really want to do that. I don't know if that was the perfect way to go because I relapsed after 51/2 months. I took ONE pill but it scared me to death. That's when I asked for help from my doctor. I didn't want anyone to know before then...
So,you'll be detoxed and you'll get the support you should have. I will tell you this and I really believe it: It's difficult to taper/detox off from it and we alawys feel like we can't possibly live without it but that feeling goes away and it gets much easier to handle being clean. It's remarkable.
How long will you be in patient?
I screwed up a couple times, while tapering, but I admit I had no major migraine until after I took my last pill, and it wasn't even like I needed the pills then, it was more like 'maintenance', then BANG! The bad part of that is, that pill I did take for that migraine in beginning of March eased all the tension in the back of my neck, and now I"m back to square one.
I was so dead set to be free of these evil little blue pills. I wanted nothing but that. I even started hobbies I haven't done in 15 yrs and started my own little business. I had planted all of these flower seeds and tomato plants, b/c I love to garden, now they've wilted. and now I gotta tell the husband again, I have alll of these baby Koi Fish that I had started a business--b/c another thing I love doing is watching koi, and listening to my pond garden. I had kept myself so busy, joining clubs, exercising, I started writing again, We went on little trips. My mind was so clear. I didn't really like the meetings I had with other's abusing chemicals--most were alcoholics, or illegal drug users, and I think they were only there under court orders b/c they just didn't want to be there--I always thought I went to the wrong room. I enjoyed my relaxation techniques I did ever day, and we started going to church with his mother.
At the end of my taper, me taking my little dose really just was like maintenance, It was from June to February, so it was a fairly long taper, early in it was hard as ever, I just wasn't there. I took a lot of sick days from work at the beginning.
But now it's like all those months, just meant nothing b/c I'm back at it and it feels worst than before.
Maybe, I am overtired and hysterical. Maybe I'll see this differently tomorrow, but I doubt it, I did alot of reading on fioricet withdrawal and yeah I worry about seizure's. I remember the one night last summer when I ran out pills b/c my local pharmacy wouldn't fill the script, I will never forget how every couple minutes my entire body would twitch, how flustered and confused and how much my entire body ached.Oh and both of my calves got charlie horses at the same time. it was dangerous, I was scared. My husband brought me to the hospital in the middle of the night. It was way over 12 hours without a pill, prolly closer to the 18 hr mark that night, and that was a slip up too when the ER dr gave me the script, I took enough to be comfortable again and a little more. I am actually very surprised I wasn't admitted that summer night for withdrawal symptoms.
I wouldn't even know where to begin again to taper, this time I don't feel safe with myself. That's why I feel a detox inpatient would hopefully be the best.
I was so dead set to be free of these evil little blue pills. I wanted nothing but that. I even started hobbies I haven't done in 15 yrs and started my own little business. I had planted all of these flower seeds and tomato plants, b/c I love to garden, now they've wilted. and now I gotta tell the husband again, I have alll of these baby Koi Fish that I had started a business--b/c another thing I love doing is watching koi, and listening to my pond garden. I had kept myself so busy, joining clubs, exercising, I started writing again, We went on little trips. My mind was so clear. I didn't really like the meetings I had with other's abusing chemicals--most were alcoholics, or illegal drug users, and I think they were only there under court orders b/c they just didn't want to be there--I always thought I went to the wrong room. I enjoyed my relaxation techniques I did ever day, and we started going to church with his mother.
At the end of my taper, me taking my little dose really just was like maintenance, It was from June to February, so it was a fairly long taper, early in it was hard as ever, I just wasn't there. I took a lot of sick days from work at the beginning.
But now it's like all those months, just meant nothing b/c I'm back at it and it feels worst than before.
Maybe, I am overtired and hysterical. Maybe I'll see this differently tomorrow, but I doubt it, I did alot of reading on fioricet withdrawal and yeah I worry about seizure's. I remember the one night last summer when I ran out pills b/c my local pharmacy wouldn't fill the script, I will never forget how every couple minutes my entire body would twitch, how flustered and confused and how much my entire body ached.Oh and both of my calves got charlie horses at the same time. it was dangerous, I was scared. My husband brought me to the hospital in the middle of the night. It was way over 12 hours without a pill, prolly closer to the 18 hr mark that night, and that was a slip up too when the ER dr gave me the script, I took enough to be comfortable again and a little more. I am actually very surprised I wasn't admitted that summer night for withdrawal symptoms.
I wouldn't even know where to begin again to taper, this time I don't feel safe with myself. That's why I feel a detox inpatient would hopefully be the best.
I'm so sorry... I understand. I suffer with migraines too which is what got me into the mess of painkillers. Imitrex works wonders for migraines. I can't take anything with any opiate in them.... just one... yeah right. Praying for peace, strength, and forgiveness for you.
lol, I just read my thread from last June. Wow. The sad part is:: I really did come a long way! I tappped but had slip ups now and then and now and then, but...Something I didn't say was 2/15 I took my last pill. IMarch 2nd, I got a horrible(puking) migraine, and went to my pcp, who was the dr I had to confide my problem to b/c that other dr was transferred out of my area.My pcp gave me Phengan(for the vomiting) and a script of fioricet. I didn't ask him for fioricet. I'm so angry at myself for taking that one pill again. I was in pain. it was a migraine, after 2+ decades, yeah migraines ache. But now this aches more....I'm sorry I am so emotional. I feel like a failure.It only took 1 pill to get back on it full throttle. Like all those months was a waste.
I want to do the detox in an inpatient environment b/c I fear seizures.
At this time in my life, I feel I need inpatient help. I have to get back on track. I want this poison out of my body.
I still can not believe how good I did. I was so close to being free of these, yet so far away it now seems....
Thank you vicki, you truly are my mentor.
At this time in my life, I feel I need inpatient help. I have to get back on track. I want this poison out of my body.
I still can not believe how good I did. I was so close to being free of these, yet so far away it now seems....
Thank you vicki, you truly are my mentor.
I'm so sorry for you but you're doing the right thing, I remember you(it's easy,there aren't very many of us) and I feel badly for you. I know how it is. I took over 20 per day myself and honestly,I can't believe I've been able to stay away from them for a year. It's a decision I make every day and each day builds on the next and pretty soon it's a month,6 months..I'm very fortunate and I know it. It humbles me.
You'll get there...the real work begins after the detox is over. Make sure you have no possible way to get any more pills,okay? And build a strong support system for YOU with whatever way you choose: therapy,meetings etc...
I wish you the very best.Stay strong.
You'll get there...the real work begins after the detox is over. Make sure you have no possible way to get any more pills,okay? And build a strong support system for YOU with whatever way you choose: therapy,meetings etc...
I wish you the very best.Stay strong.
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