I want to be dead/vicoden withwrawal

[dalatek]

I am on day 7 of withdraw from 100 mg/day addiction to vicoden.  Although the physical symptoms have passed for the most part.  Still achy and tense.  Tons of anxiety and depression.  I just wish I were dead.  I'm not saying I want to kill myself,  just wish I didn't exist.  Can't sleep well.  Feel worse when I am alone.  I have read a lot of your posts today and feel like I just want to give in.  I feel hopeless and helpless.  Help me please:(

[mama23babies]

So sorry to hear that you too are struggling with the anxiety and depression. I will be clean 12 weeks on Saturday and am still struggling some with it. I am seeing a psycologist but like you I have had the same experience with the anti depressants. I have been told that the mental part of the withdrawl process can last up to 6 months or a year. I am hoping that the worst is over for me. I truely feel your pain and hope that you feel better soon. Hang in there it does get better. I am glad to say that my cravings are pretty much gone now. It will get easier!!!Good luck to you and know that I am thinking about you.

[refusingbondage]

You should think of  spending the night in a hot bath!  For me when the RLS was at its worse, I would just sit in the bottom of the shower and cry.. its a definite minute by minute mode -- but its not gonna kill you.. I detoxed off of suboxone last year and that was a MONTHS + long w/drawal - and Im just talking physical.. I found that eventually mentally you do break but after that break kind of comes acceptance.. like just acceptance .. "Ok, find, I dont sleep... I cant stop writhing around and I would rather be dead.."  NOW WHAT??!!  Its like you just have to accept and keep living.. Eventually -- you do feel better..

I know what you mean about insomnia.. aside from being an addict - I am a terrible insomniac.. I hate it and lack of sleep can and will literally turn you into a crazy person.. I know.. I take meds for sleep - always will addict or not - I dont abuse them, but if I dont, then I dont sleep and then life becomes dangerous..

Anyways -Hope your are still hanging strong and pancakes RULE!

[dalatek]

I went thru that 7 day with absolutely no sleep.  So exhausted but you can't hold still.  All you want to do is sleep but you can't hold still so you get up but you are so exhausted you can't walk so it up and down and up and down.  I still fear the night.  I psych myself out when night time comes.  I have never had hallucinations before, but the sleep deprivation got so bad I actually did and felt like I was having a break with reality.  But finally sleep came.  When it finally did I slept the sleep of the dead.  The hallucinations were gone and reality returned...albeit, for now and unhappy reality, but one that I'm pay the price for because of the choices I made.  Sleep is still a struggle, which adds to the depression and anxiety.  The insomnia kind of feeds on itself.  I know where you are.  I have really bad RLS (restless leg syndrome) and also have paradoxical reactions to most anti depressants and meds that treat anxiety.  They hype me up instead of calm me down and they make my RLS unbearable so right now I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place.  That's kind of how I got hooked on the vicoden to begin with.  My RLS is so bad that when I found Vicoden I finally found something that finally allowed me to relax and be still.  Everyone keeps telling me that things will improve.  I will be happy again, but just like every addict, I want to feel good and I want to feel good now!  Hang in there with me.  I'll be thinking of you while I'm tossing and turning in bed.  Hey, if you lived nearby we could meet at an IHOP at 3am for pancakes and commiserate in our misery.  LOL  For now I just have to keep reading the words of encouragement that everyone is giving and try to cling to that.  For tonight anyway, I will be drug free and when the sun rises in the morning I will once again hang on to the stay in the minute by minute mode.  

[themountains]

i know what you are feeling!  i am having the same problem... you aren't alone.  

i have read that it will subside over time.  i have quit taking the pills so many times, and after the physical i get so depressed, that i start back up.  i am tapering myself off of these right now just to help.  i have just increased my anti depressants.  

i wish i was as strong as you are right now.  hang in there please?  for all of us if not just yourself.

much much love to you

[Jules1866]

You may want to try some valerian root from the health food store, it will come in a tea form and will make you sleepy, all natural, but i think you would rather be sleepy then tense and want to die.

Good luck and god bless

[dominosarah]

Check out the health pages on the right hand side of this page.  Vitamins/aminos are very good for us and really help.  Exercise is also a good idea even if it is just a short walk.  Hang in there and keep fighting.  It does get better..........sara

[nessyness]

You may need to see about getting on a mild anti depressant for awhile. I started zoloft 6 weeks ago and quit Vicodin 5 days ago, Im having some mild anxiety here and there but its not too bad and the depression isnt kicking my arse like it did the last time which is what led me to use again. So if you can go to your Dr and ask for a anti depressant. Do not give up now dont erase those seven days of hard work you put in. You can do this! Were all here for you...Nessa

[leeisgettingclean]

dont give in or you just start over again. You be fine, depression is normal now, it gets better. You are doing well and i am proud of you, DAY 7 IS GREAT, you have the physicall sh*t beat, now just keep going foward!!!!

[Holliee]

You CAN DO IT STAY STRONG I KNOW IT'S HARD HANG IN THERE

[dboys3021]

Hang in there will be on your shoes soon and need your support too.

[refusingbondage]

Addicted, hopeless, depressed, cant sleep?? Well you've come to the right place *smile*  First - welcome.  Second - everything you feel right now is normal w/drawal.  Once the physical improves, you get hit with the mental/emotional part.  Depression, anxiety, inabiity to find joy in anything.  Its a very difficult journey - this journey to sobriety... but you can make it if you keep fighting.  Remember, this will pass.  This is not what it feels like to be clean.. this is just one more symptom of w/drawal.. Once it passes, and it WILL pass, you will feel SOO much better.. its comes slow and its hard to get to, but you will start having really good days.. You will find yourself laughing.. and joking and smiling and enhjoying life again.  Just give it time. You have 7 days in and thats great!  Keep it up and stay with it.  Keep posting here-- its very helpful to make some connections with people in similar situations.. vent when youneed to, cry when you need to and just stay strong.  Good luck and many blessings