Its not about the drugs

[Frivolousz21]

I am on day 10 of my quit.

I can pretty much tell you the intense physical cravings for the pills are gone....once again I woke up today with that big chip on my shoulder...I am angry..I am angry at things that are out of my control...the compulsiveness and addictive qualities are there..the desire for the rush is there.


I better work those NA steps or I will be right back out there....everyday that I am clean..I can clearly see why I go to the drugs better and better.

[desperatetostop]

I can so relate...I get on my pity pot cuz i'm an addict. I whine to myself that I don't wanna be an addict...but, I am what I am.

Congrats on day 10!!!

work the steps...they work when you work them!

[prayformetoo]

Man.
I know how you feel.I'm on day 15 with no Craving YET.but with a lot of issues from before. I'm also working NA.and I Know that I had to get the drugs out before I could start working on the other stuff.
I think My biggest problem is my Ego.As soon as I start feeling better I start wanting to control stuff. And when That happens my EGO (Edgeing God Out) gets in the way.
Anyway.Keep up the good Fight
Your Friend
Steve

[pharma9]

You are so right on frivo...It is not about the drugs..it is about us.Why are we so angry or dissatisfied or envious or whatever?i think we often set oursleves up  to be unhappy and searching for that elusive something that we don't often know what it is.We have to learn to be happy with our lives and proud of our accomplishments.That does not mean that we cannot strive for more,but must be realistic in our goals and proud of what we have done..We have to get more comfortable with ourselves and be happy with what we do have and not dwell on what we don't have.You have much to be proud of at day 10 and hold your head high.I think what you have done and are continuing to do is wonderful.Keep up  the good work

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

I loved your EGO term  (Edgeing God OUT)  That just about says it ALL!  
Don't let EGO get in your way (of thinking)

God is GOOD

[Frivolousz21]

great stuff....one of things I think of is that hurt little boy.

I am 27 years old...my father physically abused me as a young child..and left by age 6-7 for good.

my mother was hurt real bad in all ways by him and never really got her **** together.....and that was bad...

after being hurt so bad as a child....I was raised by my grandparents and I was fine until 18-19 then things started to unravel...in all of my relationships with women...I always try to covertly control them...or the situations always...I didn't fall in love until 25 years old....how can you love when your to afraid to truly live...or love yourself.

when I was 23..I got a girl prego..she was very religious...I manipulated everything..I thought she could help me change.....eventually she took my son...and I quit on living.

but truth be told...STEP ONE.....

I know it all goes back on me....

last night I was told that I have to move out of my GFs house in three months.....which means I either find a way to make it out there on my own...or live with my grandma until I have enough to make it...

like always I am pissed..I love her....she said we can sit down and work out the plan to move out together in three months...and again I just clam up get angry and want to be mad at the world..

I can ******* control three months...I need to control how I can affect that situation today..which is save an extra 5 bucks on bull **** food and work hard :)

[pharma9]

Aww..I understand your anger..You have a difficult life situation.If you have a job perhaps it is best to move in with grandma and work on your issues thru meetings and agencies and save some money.Others can help you change but the real changes must come from yourself and when you are ready to accept what you have to do you will project to others a happier personality and will win their love back or find new ones.As I said,you should be proud of what you have done and move on.You do not want to continue on this path and have a little more work to do to improve things.Others,us included will help you along the new path and you will be happier with yourself and others.LOTS OF LOVE

[Frivolousz21]

your right...

I have had a day filled with negative emotions.

as much as I hate being this way....first and foremost today...I have to stay clean

[shelby74]

Watch those cravings.  There is no set day you will "get" them.  You could be clean for months and they will hit.  

Wish you all well!!

[promise2keepitreal]

Look bro,
  Your situation is real, it's not some pity party you've created. But keep your approach in the exact order you have it. No relapse....BIG BIG WIN FOR YA. You seem to be aware of the "why", concerning the way you communicate/act. Now just adjust it, as you're doing it. I was similar in a lot of ways, when it came to that stuff, but here's what I did. When I felt that "feeling" of anger, pity, etc come on, during a discussion with someone, I literally paused before I said a word, using the feeling as a trigger, to let me know that I needed to think about what I was about to say, BEFORE I came out with it. With time, you don't have that "moment of silence", like you may experience, when you first attempt it. It eventually kept me from saying/acting in ways that I knew were done, simply to manipulate. Kind of a "ping" moment, know what I mean. For me, it repaired many relationships, as I got better at it. Hope I explained this in a way that may help ya brother. Keep keeping it real, you'll be fine. Just don't toss those 10 days away over some dumb s.>t, whatever you do.