Lose yourself

[Tina6444]

To all of those who are fighting a daily battle with yourself…. You are not alone in this fight. I am still fighting but it remains mentally tough. I am further than I ever have been but yes it is difficult. Internally my mind wages a war against this addiction while externally I put on a brave face.  You all know what I mean.

I am posting to hopefully describe to some degree what has helped the absolute most in this fight.

I am going to attempt to describe how I feel during my most bright areas of my day and what I do to achieve this.

I begin on walking on a treadmill going at a relatively slow pace thinking god I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life.
My muscles are not firing and feel like dead weights sinking me to the bottom of an ocean. I want to cry with the  anxiety and regular stressors of my day.

I begin to blast my music to whatever tunes that inspire me for the day (sometimes Katy Perry though my new favorite is Breaking Benjamin). It depends and changes just as my freaking crazy self does hourly.
Not to sound cliche but I seriously lose myself in the music… find something YOU can relate to or connect to and think of only the music.

I begin to channel all my frustration, anger, aggression, anxiety towards walking faster…faster…faster until I am sprinting. Yes I know this is not attainable for all of the ppl with pain (what got most of us here anyway) but a fast walk is still activity and beneficial.
I am so connected to the music that I forget about feeling so terrible. I forget about feeling "abnormal" for a little bit.  I honestly lose myself so entirely sometimes that I get goosebumps from the rush. No not just the withdrawal goosebumps ya'll :)))

And the endorphin rush is nothing short of amazing folks. This is how we begin to repair our vulnerable and unprotected brains (along with the dreaded time aspect).
I never had that kind of workout on pills.
This wonderful incredible life changing experience lasted until I walked into the locker room and realized I did not remember my combination:) LOL  and then comes the anxiety again. But bottom line it did go away for awhile and I am a huge proponent of exercise!   Love to you all my posse and 3 Musketeers!  

[gnarly_1]

Hi Tina ....been following the 3 of you and you asked a question that asked will I always desire these pills....the answer is no if your will ing to try N/A it wont happen over night but with time and working the steps the desire to use will go away  I dont remember when it happened it is suttle but I have lost the very desire to use....something I thought was impossible  I was one that craved to get over a stressful day  craved to get celabrate a good day  craved that sleepy noding narcotic buzz  and it was a obsession for me  today I get a craving once in a wile  and it is usually short lived no longer like it was  it is one of the main reasons I suggest N/A to everyone  if it will work for a old dope fiend like me it will work for everyone  try to get over the apprehension and fear of going  trust me you will feel right at home  with what has been going on with your recovery you could really benefit from a safe place to share with people that are going to understand  after a wile you start to learn the names and make new clean friends  it is a lot more then just a meeting  I look forward to hearing from you after you attend one  it is always worth a shot..........Gnarly

[Tina6444]

Yes Vic I am inclined to agree with you on that one. Okay I will try the Sam E and anything else you suggest (L tyrosine help any?). Contacted my MD and stated I am a little worried about taking another one of those.  I know I need to be patient with my brain as I have chemically screwed it up but oh how I wish it were normal now:) I guess I have to accept both the extreme highs and lows of this process still.

Welcome Goblin!! It is pretty cool to have those spiritual experiences! Hold onto them in weak moments!!

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

My job IS to make you smile. Hope you're doing better. Monitor all side effects with the Paxil. Don't know if there is a break in therapeutic level issue involved like VI mentioned. I would stay in touch with DR. office and see what they say. Don't do anything to affect your recovery. Always love.

Goblin, welcome. If this pack of crazy folks can do this, so can you. Glad you are hearing the birds. You'll start feeling different things as well. Every day is not going to be great, but you can and will get through this if you want to. hang in there, post and let us know how we can help.

[Goblin666]

I am starting day three and am realizing how blunted I have been...  I was walking to work today and heard a single bird chirping.  I focused in on it and then I heard another, and another, and another until all I could hear was the songs of the birds.  It was a pretty spiritual experience for me.  Reminds me how important this is if I want to truly enjoy my life.  Just try to stop and listen.  I'm going ot hit the treadmill this weekend!

[VICourageous]

Yes some of those types of meds will do this. Sometimes you have to try a few and see how it goes. Most of them take weeks to kick in or adjust right.
How about trying some Sam-E or the natural mood enhancers.

Also just know that it does take many, many months for your Brain Chems to adjust after using mind-altering substances. Maybe just give your Brain a break and let it heal..(Just my opinion).

Congrats on your hard earn time so far.
Bless

[Tina6444]

Charlie you make me smile

So I took my first Paxil for anti depressant /anxiety last night and I had some really bad side effects. Does anyone have experience with this?  Felt like I had a lump in throat , burping , heartburn, insomnia,  hands shaking, nausea , and this am I vomited.  Good god I feel like I just ingested poison      I might take my mood disorders over that.  Guys any thoughts?