1285666 tn?1328846498

My journey begins...

For a week I've been tapering I did 5 pills Sun, Mon, Tues, then Wed I did 2 and those were suppose to be my last, but yesterday I got in to an argument with my husband and I took 2 pills.  I was doing pretty good too, I realize now he can be one of my triggers. I'm so disappointed in myself.  I get so frustrated he knows that I'm trying to overcome this addiction....I explained how I would feel and I feel he is being very uncaring.  I physically and mentally can't do the usual things I normally do for a 3 to 4 days at least.  I feel like crying.....

So, today is the first day...I don't have any pills, so that helps.  I just have so much to do, and at this point all I'm doing is crying...because of the lack of support from my husband, Because I have this feeling of helplessness and I feel guilt I feel guilt because I can't do the things I usually do.  And, that my husband and I are arguing I can't depend on him to help me with things or to overcome this.  Not a good situation.  But, one thing I've realized I'm not doing this for him, but for me and my kids.  At this point I know where I stand with my husband, and it hurts like heck.  Keep me in prayers, because there is no turning back......
4 Responses
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2026843 tn?1333807624
Hiya =) I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from your husband.  My husband and I got clean together and some days it felt like he was a complete stranger to me, others, we both just sat and cried at each other out of frustration.  I don't know how long you've been dealing with this from your husband, but maybe he just doesn't understand how you feel and how difficult it actually is to stop.  I've found if people don't understand, they often shy away from it.  I hope things get better for you and I hope he sees exactly what you're doing.  He should admire your determination.  
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
Although I didn't have relationship issues when I detoxed, I did have some other very serious work/tax problems that popped up the first few, and hardest, days of my ct detox. And because I was, as they say, dancing with the devil, the problems seemed unsurmountable.  They weren't (I didn't end up in a dark prison cell like my head kept telling me I would). My point being, it seems some of the worst things happen when we're detoxing; maybe it's a test, I don't know. If you stay strong, stay clean, and stay on this forum, you will overcome. Keep posting. We're here for you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i kno exactly how u feel my bf is very unsupportive he dosnt understand he thinks its all mental and i kno alot of it is but its the physical i canrt deal with i normally dont post i just lurk do to me still using but my lurking is paying off bcuz im thinking of quiting which i never did b4 so this place i guess is rubbing off on me i used pain meds for about 6-7 yrs due to severe back pain im 28 next week and im in so much pain even with pills im scared of how i will feel when im off them all the way  i take whatever i can get but my doc is percs
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
Hi there girl...
I'm sorry for your suffering...The emotional ups and downs are a normal part of detox. Your brain is still very fragile and your emotions have been numbed by the drugs.  It takes some clean time and some emotional investigation to know how we are really feeling.  The kick in of the guilt and regret is also normal, and detrimental at this point.  Put it aside for now and focus that energy on yourself and your recovery.  

If you take good loving care of yourself then the other things will work themselves out in time.  Dwelling in the past is an exercise in futility.  Do what you can to make this moment the best moment it can be.  Keep taking brave steps towards your recovery and know that above all else YOU are worth it.  Your life is worth it.

Sending support and prayers...

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