Needing reassurance

[chaddavis333]

Hi everyone. Well I am,sitting on over 70 days clean of loperamide abuse. 20 or more a day for over a year. I quit posting because people quit responding and i thought maybe I was to negative. Sorry if I was I am,just scared. I am still suffering from,anxiety and depression even now. I have spent thousands on doctors because this anxiety has turned into,severe hypochondria. It's horrible. I have ran the idea of ms, bipolar, menegitis, adrenaline disease you name it. My doctor finally called me in and told me to go ton and suggested a shrink. I am scared of being put on anti anxiety med for life or trying to come off one. I have been on 10mg of,lex for 10 years. Question is it still have anxiety this long into this?? I wake up around 2 or 3 every morning in a full blown panic and when I try and go back,to sleep it get shaken awake every 20 minutes. So,about 3 or 4 hours a night. M doc gave me respidone which helped me sleep, but it gave me increased anxiety the next day. I feel like I was getting better and then all of a sudden it got worse. I hope the shrink can fix this. I have never had withdrawal as long as this, and now I am afraid something else is wrong. I just don't know what to do. Is something else wrong? I,cant help but Google everything almost in an ocd nature. I have always had the health anxiety but never as bad as this.,please respond. Am I ever going to go,back to me?? I,feel like life is over

[chaddavis333]

Thank you everyone for answering. It means the world to me. I just can't believe how physical these symptoms are. Its worse in the morning. I don't even want to leave the house. I have put so much financial strain and pressure on everyone. I have never had problems be this tough. Thanks be to God for getting me here. If i wasn't saved, i don't know if i would have came this far

[dominosarah]

Hi Chad........You have been doctoring and doctoring trying to find something wrong so they can fix it.  Here is the deal......there is nothing medically wrong with your body.  We have been trying to tell you this.  Noone is going to fix you except you.  Make that appt with the shrink and keep going back.  Talk until you cant talk anymore.  You have created your own living hell and only you can leave that place.  The shrink cant do it for you but he/she will give you the tools you need to find happiness.  You know i have always been there for you and i will continue to be and you also know i am going to tell you what i think straight up.  It is time Chad, for you to finally release those chains that are binding you.   Congrats on your clean time!!!  I am proud of you~

[Krissy_123]

Hey,I've been following your story since you came on here. I think you really need to take your doctors advice and speak to someone. You really really need to stop googling symptoms you think you make have. Our brains are so tricky that way,you read about a symptom and your brains going to convince you that you have it.

70 days is awesome,but you're still early into your recovery. So anxiety and deppresion is normal to have right now. If you have OCD and hypochondria this will make your recovery a bit tougher.

Please stay off google,and get yourself someone to talk to. You need to get this stuff out in the open and start healing.

[chaddavis333]

Thank you both. I know I have issues when other people notice it.

[Stungbythebee]

Hey Chad. Have you been to any meetings? Or if you have a church have you talked to your pastor? Sharing your feelings with someone you feel you can trust and will give you encouragement would really help. I will pray that you find some peace. God Bless.
BEE

[clean_in_ks]

P.S.  Stay AWAY from googling your symptoms!  Go find another recovering addict to talk to; look for a way to help another person even if just in a some small way....it will be good for YOU and for the other person♥

[clean_in_ks]

Chad, for a very long time now I've wanted to suggest that you get some help for your hypochondria and OCD.  We can make ourselves so sick when we dwell and focus only on how we are feeling every waking moment.

70 days is great!  But you are still healing and anxiety can be part of our healing process.  Your life certainly is not "over" and you will continue to heal, both physically and mentally.  But getting to the "root reasons" for your obsession with your health would assist you in this healing process.

Learning to re-direct your thinking processes and finding food for your spirit would help immensely.  Obsession is making something "so big" it pushes out all other thoughts.  So we have to learn how to un-learn and re-learn new ways of thinking.....you can do it.  Prayers are with you, Chad~

[chaddavis333]

Apparently no one wants to answer me anymore. Oh well. I just can't take living life like this anymore.