Oxycontin

[CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!]

Hello everybody...I just wanted to put a quick question out there. As many of you already know I quit using Oxycontin Friday March 9th. Life has become much different during these past few weeks. I find myself sad and depressed one minute and on top of the world the next. I have been going to NA meetings on and off. I really havent had a good experience with the program. I call my sponcer and he doesn't return my calls. That hurts because I thought that NA was there to provide unconditional support. I get temted to use on a daily basis. The good thing is that I have a choice. I am not dope sick anymore and for that I am forever greatful! My question is this.........Many of us have been using for a very long time. We have to look at life in a whole new way. They say take one day at a time. I understand that but how do keep from falling back to our regular ways? You see when we stop using our minds tell us that we need to get our lives back on track. Get a job, do things around the house, reconnect with friends and family ect., ect. The point is thatI find myself really pissed off at the fact that I have wasted so many years just spinning my wheels. I have no direction and would really like some guidance. Any words of encouragement would greatly be appreciated. I know there are many of people out there just like me. Quiting using was the easy part....Now is when I need help. I just need a glimmer of hope! I belive that it takes tremondous support to change a persons life. My whole exsistance has been centered around drug use. How do you change a person like that? I look at every situation like how much better it would be to be high. I hope this make sence to some of you. I am really in need of help right now. I look forward to chatting with you guys. Maybe we could start up some more direct support system for ourselves. This board has helped many, many people. I think it is good to post our feelings because I think that alot of people can relate. My prayers go out to each and every one of you! Thank you in advance for your continued support! Chad

[susanlea]

I'm new to the forum. I've conversed with Spook a couple of times and he gave me some good information. I'm hoping you can help me out here. My boyfriend of over 5 years and I broke up over a month ago because of his addictions. About 3 years ago he started using Oxy's and Percocets sometimes 300mg  aday. After being in detox for a week, he  went a couple times a week to NA meetings(it was required)he had a good sponser, but never really stopped using. 1 year later, many sick days,withdrawals, lost work, he got  on methadone, no programs,meetings or sponser, just a bottle of 30 20mgs every 2 weeks. Long story short, I couldn't take the abuse, lying, stealing, his seclusion, and he refused to talk to me. He's angry, acts like he hates me, and living with his mom and dad, he's 38. My question here is, does methadone kill off the endorphins like the Oxy's or did they never come back? I'm confused, since he started abusing heavily, he's had no interest in kissing, having sex, laughing at jokes, he can't even taste food.   It was like this for 2 years. I tried the best way I knew how, to help him, which in away was the wrong thing to do. I'm in counseling, going to Al-anon meetings, reading as much material as I can find.  I know I can't change him, I'm trying to help myself now, this has really changed my life, like the addict the ones who love him are forever changed. I look to god to help me find peace in me and my childrens lives. We haven't seen him in a month. We all  miss him and love him. But I can't see  any future for us, he doesn't seem to want to stop, he says he's ok now, if he can stay on the methadone. Does it ever get better? I strongly recommend those who love an addict, to get into a program for themselves, I'm new to it, but I have found the other people in the groups don't look at me like I'm crazy nor do they feel sorry for me, because I stayed. Thank you, all of you,  for being there......love Susanlea

[pelle1985]

Found your picture, finally.  Although you are attractive, I'd have to say that yes, I can tell that you've been using pills.  Some of the pictures of me from last fall have that same look to them, which is why I now hate to look at them.

My story in brief:  been taking pills and drinking off and on since I was sixteen.  Was introduced to pills at home by my father (Tylenol 4's) and liked them immediately.  Some of the drugs I've abused include: codeine, darvocet, percocet, valium, triavil (a downer), haldol, vicodin, adderall (speed), and so on.  I've done rehab three times now formally, and tried NA about five times in between.  I was clean from drugs from 1993-1998 but, since I worked no program, became addicted to other things as substitutes (money, sex, etc.), and now realize that during those five years I did things that were at least as sick as (if not more so) the things I did when I was using drugs and alcohol.  I counted up to fourteen times that I can remember when by all laws of nature I should have died from overdosing on alcohol, drugs, or combinations.  This doesn't even count the innumerable times I drove drunk or high and lived to tell about it.

As I wrote to Chad in other posts, the rehabs I attended and the NA meetings have not changed during the last ten years or so -- the only thing that has changed is me.  Not to preach or anything, but when you decide that you're tired enough of this **** to do something about it, and only then, will you change.  This is true about anyone, of anything in their lives.

Amy, you're still young.  You don't need to waste the years that I and so many others have.  If there's anything I can offer you, in the way of advice, stories, or whatever, then just ask, and I will do so.  Most of all, keep coming here, to this board, to keep reminding yourself of what you will become if you keep using.

Peace,
Pelle

PS -- I am deliberately not referring to you as OxyAmy.  I won't define you by the substance you take.  To me, as to God, you are just Amy, and that is more than sufficient.

[pelle1985]

Thanks for your response, Chad.  I've been really busy lately but if you're interested I could email you my story in greater detail.  Again, the things I relate aren't necessarily the Right Things To Do, since these things vary greatly from person to person, but if you find something that you can use, so much the better.  Let me know if you're interested.  In the meantime, don't take anything and go to meetings.  If a particular meeting bums you out because of the people there, go to others.  I know that the Philly area must be overflowing with NA if it's anything like the Pittsburgh/Metro area (where I am).

Peace,
Pelle

PS -- another Program slogan you may have heard is "principles before personalities", which to me basically means that yes, a person can be an annoying *******, but if you stick around long enough to listen to them, you may come away with an idea that you can use, thus making the ******* (I mean, the person) in question not totally useless to you.  Keep this foremost in your mind as you meet people who may try to get into your head or work your program for you.  I've found that there's almost nobody from whom I can learn nothing (even if it's how *not* to act).

[OxyAmy]

Pelle,
   Your so nice, yes, I still use, somedays more then others, but I am trying really hard.  I have a good job that I can't lose so I have to put that frist, plus my family. I'm just so sick of spending my hard earned money on such stupid ****!!
  So did you go to rehab or did you just quit cold turkey? I just wish I could get up and be all ok but not when my body hurts every second of the day without one!!  Did that happen to you?   Ya I'm series about the pic, um its under AmyBoo my roommate changed it so go ahead and look, tell me do I look like I'm addicted to pills!! Haha
   Thanks for the help, keep in touch.
                                  OxyAmy

[CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!]

Thank you for making such a lengthy responce. I don't know man.....I still haven't gone to a meeting. I don't want to return to that group who talks **** about my recovery. There is another group closer to my home that meets on Wed and Friday night that I am going to make my home group. They have always made me and Deb feel very welcome. I understand what you say about the program. The problem is that there aren't to many people like yourself speaking out at the meetings that we have been attending. I know you are suppose to hear all the war stories and stuff but to be quit honest sometimes it just depress the Hell out of me. I am just really bummed out about the whole sponcer not calling me back thing. I hear that he was one of the best in the area. At the very least he should have told me that he wasn't interested in talking to me rather than leave me hanging. I look forward to chatting with you as I have many questions about this whole recovery thing. Who knows, maybe we could help each other. If you want or anyone else for that matter you can e-mail me at ***@**** Pelle!
Chad

[spook]

You are addicted to and Phsically and Psychologically dependant upon a BARBITURATE,now that is much harder to get off than Heroin or Crack for example.Your mission is to reduce your dose by half a tablet per week,thats all,can you do this and make some progress:yes/no?