Back Again

[reviewer]

Hey everyone,
I have been gone for awhile, was doing ok,  had not been using anything until I had to have surgery and the doctor gave me Lortab 10.  I did give them to my husband so that he could give them to me.  As I had posted about a month or so ago I did reveal to my husband that I had a problem.  I have been on them for about 4 weeks. I have taken 3 a day for that period and I am trying to wean myself off.  I am scared to death... I can feel the anxiety and and depression already starting in.. I dont know if it is because I know what to expect or what.  This week I also had another blow to my heart and emotions.. My 17 year old daugher moved out with a 25 year old man... I am heartsick about it and I find myself just wanting to take a pill and let that magical feeling take me away instead of dealing with the emotions of what is going on.  I have a real problem with insomnia I went to the doctor last week and got Sonata for sleep and I asked for clonadine because I knew that I would be out of pills this week and would be having w/d sysptoms.  He did not want to give me that he gave me klonapin instead.. I have not told him I have a problem with pills.  The sonata is not working for my insomnia so I have made an another appt to see him this week to see if I can get the clonadine.
When I get to this point it is like the color goes out of the world.  I watch people going about their lives and I feel like everyone is passing me by and I have this big thing hanging over my head.  I want to be the person I was before.  I am going to be a grandma for the first time in a few months I want to have a clear head and enjoy my gandson.. I just really need some encouragement..

[cathy5841]

YOU CAN DO THIS.  YOU HAVE DONE THIS.  you know its not easy but since you havent been using long maybe ut will be better.  the sooner you get it over the better....good luck and keep us posted

[NautyOne]

Isn't it weird how the mind just picks up where it left off.......it sucks, but I think your doctor may know something is up.....when you asked for clonidine.......it's used for withdrawal now......so.......  try melatonin (sublingual)  it really does help, and you haven't been back on the wagon that long.  Take care.

Nauty..............

[poetrygirl1960]

Aren't husbands awesome?  Mine use to keep my pills locked up in a safe so I wouldn't use too many at once.  You have to love that.

I can completely relate to how you feel about your daughter.  One of my daughters did this over a year ago and the description you used about the color going out of your world is so spot on.  I think it's a given that we who have the "addict gene" tend to weave in and out of depressive states of mind, but you really did a smart thing by writing this down, and even better posting it.  That tells me you have true hope and a sincere desire to be clean.  You can and you will do this, please don't give up.

Oh and by the way all of the people you see going about their lives and passing you by are all wrapped up in dramas too, you just can't see it because you feel lost right now, but remember you aren't.

Lisa