Anxiety, Depression, Fear, and just mentally broken.

[hiding288]

I truly dont even know where to start. I am just so mentally broken, and depressed, that it feels like it wont get better.  But at the same time, I hate what taking these percocets do to me mentally, and physically.  But then I get soooo depressed, that I want to take some, but at the same time I dont.  Thats a **** of a mental battle to go through.  This is not my first time quitting.  This is more like the 3-4th time.  All in the last year!  How sad is that?  I was so confident that I could do it, and get my life, and mind back.  This time I just dont have that feeling.  I know part of the problem is that I do not work, and Im at home all day, everyday, just feeling crazy, and depressed, and even tho I know I need to go do something, I am so down, that I just cant bring myself to get motivated to go do anything.  Only thing is only if I have to.  I have isolated myself from family, and the few friends I had.  I have no confidence anymore, and that is major for me, becuz I used to be so confident, well put together, mentally strong, and just full of life, before these *** pills came into my life.  I had shoulder surgery 4 yrs ago, and I thought because the doctore gave them to me, it was okay, and after the first year, it has been downhill ever since.  I dont know what to do with myself anymore.  

I am praying to God to give me strength to fight this again, I seriously dont see the light.  This time its been 6 days, with the exception of last nite, I did take 2 percs, because my shoulders were hurting pretty bad.  Today I was hot flashing, and sweating pretty bad, the depression is with me always, and the anxiety.  I do have some of the Thomas recipe items from the last 2 trys, so I do try to take them, plus ensure, because I have not a good appetite right now.  My husband is aware, but has never had a problem with these things, and my son is also here, but I try to hide it from him, I dont want to upset him.  This whole thing is awful, I am so lost right now.  I need so much help.  And dont know what to do, just trying to not get ahold of anything else.  Of course my mind is telling me something different though, its like well your depressed anyhow so why not.  Even though I know I hate the stuff, Im fighting it.  Just wondering if I fight through this mess again, some how, some way, will my joy come back, will I live again.

[kyle505]

First of all, 99% of the defeat you're feeling is being caused by the pills. The happy, confident, vibrant you is in there, but is being masked by your addiction. I am usually very straight forward with my advice, so here goes - you deserve to be happy and free of pills. You may be telling yourself you don't, or may be feeling shame, embarrassment, etc., but that's all a lie. The drugs are fogging your brain and distorting your world. So, flush whatever pills you have left. You wrote you took two percs because your shoulder hurt. Do you have legit pain issues? If so, contact your doc and tell him/her you want to stop. And ask yourself if maybe something other than a perc wouldn't have done the job. If you have pills you are going to have a hard time avoiding relapse. You know this - you've been through it before. That is the first and most important step.

[waterLilly7]

hey sweetie,
you know the score. You have been here before. First of all, the grass is always greener, isn't it true? I had to taper for two ungodly months because of my job, at a point I actually wished I woudl just get fired so I would be able to detox without the pressure to perform. I know not having stuff to do it boring and gives you anxiety, but nothing liek the anxiety of the pressure to have to go to work when you feeel like utter dog****.

Now is the best time fo ryou to quit, when you DON"T have a job and can do it!!!!
Please do it now. This road is only going to get uglier. Stick with it, read the post I just posted about being free of anxiety after 33 days. I posted it just for people in YOUR position, I wanted to tell you that the anxiety ENDS. 33 days and I have my life back, you can too.
keeep posting,
hugs,
Lily