Hi, my name is raj. I posted around a month ago here and asked some questions about a Codeine addiction that I have since around 1 year now. Many of the guys told me good information about withdrawals and the tips were all great and enthusiastic. But sadly, I haven't quit the drugs untill now I have slided down to the "point of no return at this moment"
Drug users as everybody know, go through different stages of addiction. I was physically dependent on Codeine even the last time I posted here anyway, and took a lot. (more than 600 mg of codeine at least a day with huge quants of soma thrown to potentiate the high)
Here's the other regularly seen addiction sideffects that have also been part of my story.
1. No job, since at least 2 months, sitting at home.
2. Have sold of some valuable stuff like a mobile, my gold chain (even a ring I got my hands on), ipod etc [the idea was to get enough cash to buy a lot of the stuff [codeine] and tapper down to being clean, i couldn't get it work ever.
3. For the massive credit card debt I had run up, I had to tell my father my story and he paid of my debt for this time, [i am 23 n turn 24 in march, this is not of course the way i thought i'd be when i grew up], i feel the shame of it so much!!
i say i am beyond point of return in sense that today, i procured the last amount of cash I could procure without, how can i explain going completely overboard. I have bought 5 bottles of codeine to tapper on...
[here in India, we still get it codeine in the good old cough syrups. Tylenols n vicodin's aren't sold here, in fact codeine is not used for pain at all, tramadol is used, and the harder stuff like morphine etc in operations or for very very deserving cancer n other illness patients]
My plan is simply to take only enough to keep WD's at bay n reduce the dose, until i can kick it with managable pain.The same thing as i said i have tried at least 3 times before n i didn't stick to it. But the difference is, this time, i really don't have anyway of getting money to buy and continiously use drugs in anyway which is acceptable. I know people here know what I am talking off
Even the med stores don't like selling anymore, they want to stop selling to me in fear of getting caught n all (yes, codeine is prescription only, apparently it's caused some trouble for youth already in the 80's n 90's then they completely controlled use of it in pain meds n for cough syrups, only if the doctor says so. I have begged n convinced them to sell to me for just a few days more, so even if can get a running money supply, i won't be able to get any!! So, it really is now or never for me now!!
Now, i know nobody can do it for me but i am just writting here to sort of get it off my chest and share it. Don't know what i am asking here at all guys :) ll??!!! (on a note of honesty, i did take enough to get high today last time, lolls not the first 'one last time' at ******* all!!!!
As the world knows Drug use has a pattern n so did i when i was experimenting with codeine about a year ago for my "heart ache - yes, love", sleeping trouble, etc.(of course i was too smart to get in trouble i thought. And it's all ******** about 'this wonderful drug i had found', it's more thearaputic than trouble causing. If only i knew, the world's general opinion shld be taken on somethings without trying to be smart n analysing etc unfortunately, drug use of any kind is also one of the things tht the world is right about. To rid me of the drug habit now, I must not get high ever on codeine n even soma. Then quit it, after these bottles are over, chances r the misery will be lesser this way!
Bluntly, if i don't quit, i'm headed for the streets and the rest!!! : robably means that i will have to start living on streets, committing crime for my fix, switch over in a while to brown sugar(the brown clored street heroin which is sold off quite cheap on streets here in India, around 1,20 US $ a bag, then slide down 90 degrees, i know people do make it back from there, but i know myself, once there, it's end of the line for me Hope GOD helps!!!
[not that I don't like the opiates n m stuck in only cos of wd's, that's the worst part!!]
p.s: great community here thanx for reading already. As you know one tends to lie to 1self also when in a habit like this n just had to write down the truth for me to see, not fool myself, thank you again....