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husband and cocaine
Hello. I'm worried about my husband. We've been married for 7 years and have two small kids. Last week I found cocaine on my desk while i was working. Obviously he was so sloppy while using he forgot to clean up after himself. I do know what night he took the drug, because my son woke up around 1am and i noticed my husband was in the office on the computer. I was surprised he was up so late and thought it was odd at the time but didn't put 2 and 2 together until i found it the next day.
I had no clue he was still doing coke. I do know years ago he had dabbled in it but I never saw signs of problems with him, he never ever brought the stuff around me. Now that i've found this stuff I fear he's doing it behind my back and knows how to manage it without me knowing. That scares me to death and also makes me feel that I really don't know him as well as I thought. He said its only been this one time recently that he was tempted to do it but for some reason I don't believe him. Are there any signs that I can look out for to give me more clues as to if he's using this often? I don't know what to look for other than sniffy nose or staying up/not sleeping. I need advice on this one. I've never touched cocaine and don't know what to look for. Do some people occassionally do this stuff once a year or is that impossible?
I had no clue he was still doing coke. I do know years ago he had dabbled in it but I never saw signs of problems with him, he never ever brought the stuff around me. Now that i've found this stuff I fear he's doing it behind my back and knows how to manage it without me knowing. That scares me to death and also makes me feel that I really don't know him as well as I thought. He said its only been this one time recently that he was tempted to do it but for some reason I don't believe him. Are there any signs that I can look out for to give me more clues as to if he's using this often? I don't know what to look for other than sniffy nose or staying up/not sleeping. I need advice on this one. I've never touched cocaine and don't know what to look for. Do some people occassionally do this stuff once a year or is that impossible?
I dont even know where to begin current situation i am dealing with ex crack addict 3 minths sober i didnt know they have bevaior traits they yse when sober? Almost like no common sense and when i try and address the issue which shocked me he is highly explosive with anger out of control i dont know why i try and communicate with him it just turns into explosiveness my question is with my jeckyl and hide here when does common sense come back
I am in a similar situation. ..my husband of 3 years kept his cocaine addiction hid from me.ugh.
Fortunately he is such a good man and provider.
I am full of emotions. ..HE CAME INTO THIS MARRIAGE WITH A BIG PROBLEM. I never got a chance to make a choice. He refuses to seek help :(
he thinks that h can stop on his own..yet he told me that he sees nothing wrong with him doing a little blow every now and then..that was Christmas eve 2012...he did it again feb 2103.
Please. .someone please give me advice.
Fortunately he is such a good man and provider.
I am full of emotions. ..HE CAME INTO THIS MARRIAGE WITH A BIG PROBLEM. I never got a chance to make a choice. He refuses to seek help :(
he thinks that h can stop on his own..yet he told me that he sees nothing wrong with him doing a little blow every now and then..that was Christmas eve 2012...he did it again feb 2103.
Please. .someone please give me advice.
Hi and welcome to the forum. I hope you come back on and post your question on a new thread, this one is old. I have been down the coke road and it's an evil drug. If you post your own question, you will get more reply's and help. Good luck and hope to see you on here again.
I must admit that I have not read all the responses yet. If I don't post now, I never will. I just found some cocaine in my laundry room. I have suspected my husband has been using for years, and he had lied and lied and lied over too many things. His temper is explosive, and we have been feeling greatfinancial stress. I love my husband though, and I want to help him. What do I do now?
This post was started 3 years ago, so feel free to make your own. You deserve to be happy and have all the things that you say you want. If he is willing to get help and go to therapy like he says, then I hope you both work through this. Have you ever heard of alanon? I wish you both the best and he is done with this evil drug. Cocaine destroyed me for awhile, but I got out:)
Me and my husband dated for about 6 months and then got engaged and pretty much spent everyday together. A year later we got married. I thought that I knew everything about him before we were engaged (even though it was only 6 months, I know it sounds crazy) and he was this wonderful guy. I really do think he is still a really good person at heart. As soon as we got engaged though, it was like a light switch went off and he started going out with his friends all the time. I spent about 70% of our engagement in bed alone wondering where he was and when I would find out where he was, he would tell me he would be home in 30 minutes, only to show up 3-4 hours later. He would just say that he lost track of time drinking. He would make up all of these excuses. I would go out looking for him in the middle of the night and cry and one night I even rented a hotel room because I was so fed up and did not want to be waiting for him when he got home. I felt totally on the back burner and I just looked at him in a different way.
One night I asked him if he did cocaine and he said that he did. I just said that that made me very upset and disappointed and I really hope he would stop doing it. After I said that, he got really defensive and mad, so that turned into a huge fight, because I was like well, that just tells me that you still want to do it (since he was defensive.) He finally told me he wouldn't do it anymore. Of course he did end up doing it again.....and again and again. I found out that he did it the night before our wedding, which I dismissed as a bachelor getting his last night out of his system. I then found out about many more times that he had lied and lied to me. I felt betrayed and like I said before, just looked at this down to earth, fun person that I loved in a totally different light. (I have never done coke, so I don't understand it) He had borrowed LOTS of money from me (student loans and the worst was for my own engagement ring) and it made me wonder how much of that money he needed to borrow because he was spending his on coke and pot.
There is lots more that he has done that has made me question him. My own mother told me that they were drunk one night and she was in the kitchen doing something (I had gone to bed) and he took her hand and led her into her bedroom. My mom has been known to exaggerate things sometimes, but she wouldn't just make up something out of thin air. How else would you take that gesture of leading someone into their bedroom?
Anyway, long story short (or not so short..lol) I just told my husband of 6 months that this is too much too soon. I want kids and a house and all of that one day. I don't know if I will ever get over all of this. I feel very guilty though. This is not the kind of crazy life that I ever wanted, or anybody for that matter ever wants. He says that he will go to therapy and we can go to couple's therapy an he can't believe that I would give up on him this quickly and that he loves me so much and he can change. I just feel horrible about all of this. I do think that I really would be ok by myself, I have alot of great friends and am very independent, but I also have a big heart. He tells me that he is sorry he didn't listen to me before, (the many times that I cried and talked and yelled) but he never thought he could lose me and now he wants to try. I'm thinking it's too late, but I don't want to hurt him or bail out on him when he needs me most.
One night I asked him if he did cocaine and he said that he did. I just said that that made me very upset and disappointed and I really hope he would stop doing it. After I said that, he got really defensive and mad, so that turned into a huge fight, because I was like well, that just tells me that you still want to do it (since he was defensive.) He finally told me he wouldn't do it anymore. Of course he did end up doing it again.....and again and again. I found out that he did it the night before our wedding, which I dismissed as a bachelor getting his last night out of his system. I then found out about many more times that he had lied and lied to me. I felt betrayed and like I said before, just looked at this down to earth, fun person that I loved in a totally different light. (I have never done coke, so I don't understand it) He had borrowed LOTS of money from me (student loans and the worst was for my own engagement ring) and it made me wonder how much of that money he needed to borrow because he was spending his on coke and pot.
There is lots more that he has done that has made me question him. My own mother told me that they were drunk one night and she was in the kitchen doing something (I had gone to bed) and he took her hand and led her into her bedroom. My mom has been known to exaggerate things sometimes, but she wouldn't just make up something out of thin air. How else would you take that gesture of leading someone into their bedroom?
Anyway, long story short (or not so short..lol) I just told my husband of 6 months that this is too much too soon. I want kids and a house and all of that one day. I don't know if I will ever get over all of this. I feel very guilty though. This is not the kind of crazy life that I ever wanted, or anybody for that matter ever wants. He says that he will go to therapy and we can go to couple's therapy an he can't believe that I would give up on him this quickly and that he loves me so much and he can change. I just feel horrible about all of this. I do think that I really would be ok by myself, I have alot of great friends and am very independent, but I also have a big heart. He tells me that he is sorry he didn't listen to me before, (the many times that I cried and talked and yelled) but he never thought he could lose me and now he wants to try. I'm thinking it's too late, but I don't want to hurt him or bail out on him when he needs me most.
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