Need to stop already

[Hatethislife]

I have been on roxicodone 10mg/4xs a day now for about 4yrs. It started with a torn ACL...then progressed to back injuries. I started by only taking a HALF a day... I had never in my life taken any type of pain medicine like this before then. I am now 41y. I noticed when I stopped taking the half I got what I thought was the flu. I quickly realized it was withdrawals. After only taking a HALF a day for about a month and I got withdrawals??? I was able to get thru that small withdrawal but eventually got more prescribed to me, was then referred to a pain management dr, he prescribed them for me and my story just goes on. I'm now stuck in a rut.. I HATE being on these things, relying on them, worried if I'll have enough until my next fill, how am I going to get thru each day. .. and my list just goes on. I don't have to tell any of you all of my fears because I know you know them all too well. I have an 11y who watches his mom lay around worrying what she's going to do to make it thru the day. I want to stop but I've gone thru a few days of withdrawal before ( I tried a few months ago to stop)I didn't handle it very well and I crumbled... and took more to make them go away... I kept saying "I'll start tomorrow" and well ... tomorrow hasn't come... YET!!! I don't have enough faith in myself that I can do this even tho I want too. I'm very scared of the physical symptoms and the emotional... more the physical. I've read thru a lot of threads and I want to be those people!! I want to be nondependent!!! I can't believe I even wrote this let alone am going to post it. I'm very ashamed of myself. My fiancé is aware of what's going on and is willing to stand by me and help me in any way he can. I have been honest with him about everything... I've told him what I've read and what I've experienced. I just hope we can make it thru this together. I'm very depressed (diagnosed with this YEARS ago) and I already suffer from severe anxiety. This med has given me that push i needed everyday to go out into the world....but...I want to be free from this hell already! Sad thing is....is I use to get so angry at my family members who suffer from this awful hell too... I never understood why they didn't just stop taking them... Well this was my karma. Now I know first hand!  I'm looking for mental support in the worse way. I have absolutely no faith in myself. Im ready but very afraid. How am I going to cope with everyday life again too... "sober" My back pain/nerve pain gets ridiculously awful but I told my fiancé I'm going to muttle thru it with Advil, Aleeve etc WHEN I conquer this demon! When I'm done I want to stay done! I just need to get there... I can't stress again how afraid I am to feel the withdrawals .. but I'm more ashamed and anxiety ridden on how I've been as a mom/fiancé. Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.... any tips on how to make it not so scary/difficult??? Thank you for listening!!!!

[gnarly_1]

Hi  and welcome to the forum...well 10356 has filled you in on what will help...try not to bring fear into the equation  it is always worst in our minds then it turns out to be  this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental so be ready to fight on both fronts....the best thing you can do is change the fear into a positive attitude  it makes the difference between being uncomfortable and suffering...suffering is a choice  I have said this a million times  but you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile  I recamend you continue reading the other posts  post often it helps  we are here for you and look forward to helping you
may God  be with you................Gnarly

[10356]

Good morning Hatethislife.. Welcome to the forum. Well you came to the right place looking for support :) You can get thru the wd The difference doing it alone and with peps behind you is like night and day, This is why we stress NA AA meeting our any kind of aftercare It takes a village of addicts to help another.. We have lots of tips on getting thru the physical part I myself find that the easier of the two as the mental is extreme at times.. The physical wd last 5 to 7 days usually gay 3 and 4 are the worst then you start to feel better each day physically but the mental will continue for awhile but this also goes away eventually.. You will not regret getting clean. when the brain fogs clears it is the best I mean everything comes into sharp perspective.. You may want to get some things to help like Imodium for bathroom issues some Epson Salts if you have a bath tub as warm baths many times a day helps our showers as dose forcing yourself to walk outside This helps with everything and forces your brain to start to produce the feel good endorphin the drugs have taken over.. Bananas and Hylands restful leg our leg cramp you can by a knock off It helps Food that is easy to eat and appealing to you Drink lots of water becoming dehydrated makes everything worse a sports drink would be good as it will help to balance your electrolytes.. They also sell calming teas that will help with anxiety.. You will not sleep for awhile so line up funny movies good music and stay here and read pick up tips on how to get thru this and post for support. Try to keep a good attitude during as this helps a lot More so then anything else.. You can do this I know you can we have all been there so we do understand.. I wish you well I'm sure I missed some things Others will be along to support keep checking back. lesa