addicted and need help

[feellikelifesover]

two years ago I started getting these shooting pains in my leg and back, I went to the doctors and they put me on tramadol.  The tramadol hardly touched the pain so I started taking more and more.  I asked my doctor for something better for the pain and they said this is going to be a life long problem and we do not want you addicted to anything so your gonna stay on the tramadol.  I kept telling them I ran out and they kept giving me more till I was taking 400mgs a day.  No matter how much they gave me it was never enough, I loved the feeling they gave me so I would take more and more.  I run out every month and go through pure hell if I do not get something to help me out.  I am a stay at home mom with no paycheck so I ask my caring bf to buy me stuff, honestly I think he is getting sick of it.  If I was not a mom I would take a week and lock myself up in my bedroom and get off of this stuff but I have a 4 year old to take care of so it is so hard.  The days I do not have something I am a complete wreck and seem like I am mean to my daughter, man that was really hard to admit too.  I want off of these so bad, I would rather be in pain the rest of my life.  I just do not know how to go about this with a 4 year old to take care of and no money to buy anything to help with the process.  I hate myself so much right now, I plan outings and things with my family for when I know i will have pills, my life feels like it is over.

[LostNoMore]

You can do it. So many of us have. You've been reading the stories here so you know that. If you dig deep you will find the strength to fight this addiction.
Think about where the drugs are taking you. If you're like me, it's a dark, downward spiral. There is no hope in continuing to use. There is a great deal of hope in arresting the disease and getting better, one day at a time. Yes, you will feel awful for a few days, BUT IT GETS BETTER. Using only gets worse. You need to make a choice. I know it's very difficult to do, especially with children (I can relate. I have 2 young ones) but it is possible. Rally whatever support you can, stay close to this forum and give it a try. Gatorade, Immodium, and check out the thomas recipe for some vitamin supplements. Also the amino acid protocol is helpful. Take care and God Bless you.

[Star318]

Since your doc. did put you on a taper plan and you feel like it's not enough, you may have to deal with the w/d's. It's going to be up to you to decide if you are ready. There are a lot of folks on here that have done it cold turkey that can give you some advise.

[Star318]

Welcome to the forum,
I haven't dealt with Tramadol but it still is addictive and I can relate to where you are coming from. You need to be 100% honest with your doctor and tell her that you are addicted and hoe many pills you are going through a month. You need to get on a plan to taper off of them. It's not easy, but if you are ready to be free of these pills then you CAN do it! I am a mother also and when I ran out of my DOC, I was snippy and mean to my kids. Don't be ashamed to tell your story, most of us have been through the same, if not worse. There are so many people here to help. You are in the right place! I am on day 10 of detox and getting ready for the mental struggles once detox is done. Good Luck to you! Keep your head up!

~Star

[feellikelifesover]

I told my doctor how addictive they are and all the stories I read on the internet and she says oh you only hear the worst stories on the internet.  Like um no I am hearing true stories from real people who have been hooked on this crap.  Just because a drug rep says this stuff is safe does not mean it is true.  I have been on these forums a lot reading hundreds of stories but now that I actually posted and people are talking directly to me it seems to mean so much more.  I did tell my doctor I was addicted to them and she did put me on a taper plan but I just do not have the will power to do it.  They gave me this one pill that is supposed to help with the upset stomach, diahrea and anxiety but it does not help at all.

[littlebit667]

The one problem I see is that your doctor seems to think tramadol is not addictive and it is. It also had the added punch of an antidepressant so you are dealing with two addictive things.  There are many here that have withdrawn from tram and I hope they chime in soon.  

Very glad you are posting, keep coming back as some post late or early or only get on once a day.  You will get help, just give it time.  Take care!

[IwillDoThis]

Welcome to the forum.  You will find a lot of really wise helpful people on here.  This forum is a place you can unburden yourself, admit things you might never admit and not face judgment.  You've come here, laid your situation out and I know that wasn't easy to admit, especially to admit you are not being the mom you know you can be - that is a painful thing to say.  I am 30 days today and the one thing I can tell you for sure is I got my life back the day I decided to stop the pills.  It hasn't been easy but admitting life isn't working is the first step.

There are many stories around these boards - parents who've detoxed while caring for kids etc. so it can be done.  Some people do not have supportive people around so perhaps you could come down with the "flu" and get support from your boyfriend?  For me days 1-3 were the worst and my withdrawal started about 18 hours after my last pill.  If you can find any support in caring for your child through those first few bad days it would be helpful.  If not, just try to set yourself up as much as you can with videos for the child or other distractions, food for you, immodium and hunker down.  At 4 years old my daughter would play uninterrupted for hours.  It would be no different really if you had food poisoning or a really bad flu - people get sick with kids - you just deal with it.

The time you take now to just bite the bullet and get through this will put you in a much better position to be the person you were before you started with the pills.

post here for support and I wish you the strength to get through this.  We are here.  

[lulu747]

Hi and Welcome...
It is hard to admit the things that we do because of the pills, and hard to break the cycle of abuse...Good for you for wanting to reclaim your life!  As Laurel mentioned, speaking with your doctor, admitting you are addicted, and getting help tapering is your best bet.  There are non-addictive medications that can help with w/d and pain so that you are as functional as possible.  There is no way to avoid w/d entirely, and the mental is much much harder than the physical-but if you want your life back, the only way out is through it.
Be kind and gentle with yourself.  You are worth it.

Sending support...
Lu

[laurel453]

Hi and welcome here :)... you will discover  after quitting the pills that your pain is not as bad as you thought but you need tapering down your doses with tramadol. I have no experience with it and i am sure that someone will come and help you but you should talk to your doctor and ask for help, a taper plan and don't get discouraged, stay here and you will have the support when you need it... GOOD LUCK !!