day 12 is hard

[bray123]

So I'm on day 12..i have been back from the beach for 4 days..back to working 12 hour shifts and a special kind of paradise lol. I'm having a lot of cravings today. It's so hard not to call someone up and take something. I keep thinking back to 12 days ago. It seemed IMPOSSIBLE to quit and I wasn't sure if I could even do it. But I did. I really thought that the physical part would be the worst of it. I have dealt with other addictions before that were only psychological so I figured this would be the same..but for whatever reason it seems so much harder. I have seen people on here say that dealing with the psychological is the hard part. i didn't believe that until now..it really is. My mind keeps trying to play tricks on me...that I can just have one..that I deserve it..that i won't become addicted again. I know that's not true. I go back and forth between "I will never go through this again..I don't want to be a slave to pills...i have a family and a future" and "damn I just want something to give me artificial happiness for a few hours". This is hard. I'm trying to be strong and just push through it. I'm trying to enjoy sobriety and be thankful that I've made it farther then I ever though I could 12 days ago. I'm so scared of relapse and I'm trying to trust myself not to do anything stupid..anyone else dealing with these endless head games I'm playing with myself?

[bray123]

Thanks everyone for posting. There were some good ideas..I like the one about journaling the w/d process to remember how bad it was...and it was bad. I think what has helped me the most is logging on here and sharing with you guys/reading your stories. Another thing I've found helpful is Starbucks coffee lol I think I have replaced pills w/ french vanilla cappaccinos. One thing I keep seeing everyone talk about it aftercare. I know aftercare is important..but i'm not sure how to go about it. I have been to NA meetings before for other addictions and they really seemed to help me. I'm just nervous this time because everyone in my life thinks I've been clean for a long time and they don't know about my pill problem. I would be devastated if they found out...what other types of aftercare do you guys use?

[tiredashell643]

been off norco 10/325 for 4 days now,was on for 2.5 yrs for back pain and was getting 180 a month plus buying another script for 120 so about 300 a month anywhere from 8 - 12 a day depending on day.first 3 days were hell with flu symptoms an extreme pain an restlessness in legs.am doing better now doc gave me some trazodone to sleep and klonipin and they seem to work,just need to figure out where to get some energy now dont want to do anything but sleep and have already missed 1.5 days of work for this.

[selfinduced]

According to a wise member on here darvocetescape, he says our brain forgets the w/d process and our detox. That makes sense to me and because of that, I started journaling my memories of the hell that was, what I emotionally took from my family, how I was emotionally absent as a mom many times etc.If my mind starts the bulls--- talk, I just pull out the journal, let my stomach wretch at the words and get busy doing something else. You know you can't stay on these pills forever. Why go in for another round when it only means paying the price again....ugh. Stay strong.

[dominosarah]

We bury many demons while we are using.  Aftercare is very vital.  We learn the tools we need to live life on lifes terms.  Think about it.....

[Notaslaveanymore]

I am on day four...of my 12th detox...uughhh...having a rough day. I have the same issues that u have..its horrible. I feel like crap and like u, I just want some'artificial happiness' for a bit...but we all know we cant do that. I found a site called "intherooms" its an aa/na site and I have found it very helpful. They have live meetings and chat and forums...I keep reading, trying to push forward with my detox...hang in there. You are not alone...

[Undertow71]

Yes the connection thing is key,i threw my cell in the garbage more than once,don't use em anymore lol

[Clong45]

Relapse is a problem I have struggled with in the past too.  I've quit so many times I can take a detox like I deal with a cold.  But this time I am striving for a different outcome.  Get rid of all you connections to the pills.  Find some NA meetings to go to.  Keep coming to this site for a boost of self control and enlightment.  12 Days is very good.  I'm on day 10.   Remember you are in a marathon not a sprint.  

[Undertow71]

All the time, i have been off oke for 7-8 years now and still crave sometimes,now on day 5 off opiates from back surgery 4 years aggo.
It isn't easy for us with addictive personalities.i try not to give it attention.Tell myself,this sin't me anymore,it is just a thought and i let it go.
If you need artificial happiness there is more to it, some say seek help but it has never worked for me.Reading and educating myself and being honest with myself has worked the best,Look up "emotional resilience" it is also a book that helped me greatly.sometimes i just pray it away and play some music.Don't give in.Some days are better than others,eventually the tables turn in you favor,Stay  strong.Sometimes i just say out loud,"Man i would love to get some,whatever,but i know where it will lead"and it goes away for awhile