I was just waiting on my hubby to finish getting ready so we can head to the water and spend some time together relaxing, fishing, etc. and I saw your post.
Have some questions for you so we know what kind of support you need. Are you out of hydro's on purpose? Did you just run out early? Are you going to try to detox and quit the opiates?
For now and until you answer those questions I would advise you read posts from other people. That will help you a lot just in knowing that you are not alone. With it being a holiday weekend there may not be a ton of peeps in here today but be patient....others will come and offer you the support you need. Everyone is going to ask the questions I did though.
You are in my prayers.
No I have been tapering for sometime now,last week I was down to 2.5mg 2 x daily.the last 2 days before the jump took 1 2.5 then jumped. I have done this many times. Just want this to be the final one. Im not really too sick,just weak,like I have the flu. which is normal I know.One day at a time,thanks for comment though. Have a great day!!
Hi torri, as you've said, you've been through this many times. Is this finally gonna be the last time for you? Have you cut off all your sources? Thought about getting some kind of aftercare/support? These steps are critical for long term success. I can certainly understand about being emotional. I was too. The best thing I can say, is to get up and get moving as much as possible. Try to accomplish even some small things. Maybe just go outside and get some fresh air. That always helped me. If I would just lay around, it made my emotions worse. I would just feel sorry for myself and cry. A positive attitude is everything. You can do this! I hope you feel better soon. Take care, I wish you all the best.
Definitely get outdoors. Move around in your house, take a bath and get clean clothes on and put fresh sheets on your bed....pamper yourself a little. Light a candle. Do you like to read? Play video games or watch YouTube videos? You need to force yourself to do things and get distracted.
Sonrissa brought up aftercare. It's very important and could help you make this your last time. Let us know how you're doing.
thanks so much for the replies,i so do appreciate it. You are both absolutely right, keeping busy is so important. I did do a few small things around the house yesterday and today. Tried going outside a few times,let me tell you it is so humid cant stand it. Looking forward to fall. yes I so want this to be the last time of this horror. Just want to be me again. As far as aftercare I have never been to an NA meeting. Lots of AA meetings when I went to rehab 6 yrs ago. I never kept it up so maybe that's why I keep failing. I told myself this time Im not going to feel so ashamed, im human I make mistakes,i know I have a disease. Im the only one that can fix this. I can tell you this I feel very determined this time,going to have a positive attitude (well as good as I can) that's the hardest for me. Im kinda a depressed person anyway. Which really ***** cuz I really have a good life. What I am doing different this time is taking the mag. vitamin b12,multi.vitamin and drinking lots of mineral water. Also that st.johns wart,not sure if that is good or not,heard some people say it helps. IM thinking starting on my celexa again,took few yrs. back and I do think It helps. I think when im comfortable I really want to try an NA meeting though. I just feel scared about that,cuz im so afraid of seeing someone that knows me. Stupid I know,just need to bite the bullet and go. Sorry to say though the AA meetings do nothing for me,guess cuz all the people I was around were alcoholics and that's not my thing. I like the damn devil pills. Just would like to be around people that I can really relate to. Sorry for babbling. Thanks for listening though and I will keep posting. God bless u guys for your kind words.
I so feel ya..I too have done this several times and wondered if I will ever actually beat this..This is day 2 for me would be over 2 weeks but I kept relapsing a day here a day there etc.. One thing is I was petrified of the w/d even tho I have done it before a few times actually but now I am not now I know just gotta get thru it and I have 2 small kiddos 2 and 3 and doing it w my husband as he is a addict too but just had knee replacement so it is very hard in all aspects..I am just too tired of being chained to this pill bottle not having any energy w my kids..being isolated to house I want to live my life again..we were clean over 3 years and it was best ever.. I can already start feeling again and sry for the tmi but I haven't had NO sex drive for over 2 years and I have just in past few days..man I missed my hubby I can see him starting to come back..we just know we have to get through this..we're also are Christians just have stumbled so we are praying a lot together..reading etc and God is helping us 1 day at a time.this is no way to live I love seeing people on here re claiming their lives..u can do this just keep pushing u know it's not gonna last forever but if u keep using it will just get worse and eventually you have to get thru it that's how I keep looking at it plus I don't want to miss anymore time w my kids they r very young still I see people that used their kids whole 18 years and that is DEF not what I want I do know that..keep it going and congrats and know many including myself r going thru it too God bless! $
Hey girl, congratulations on your clean time!!!
Well done : )
U asked for support so...... I am here for u. We r here for u. Today is day 43 since my last dose of suboxone. I remember very well my first two weeks. Actually it was day 18 for me before my first clear day. Now...every day is getting clearer. My "quick wit" is returning n I'm making people laugh again. I just finished a lite workout n heading out to do some yard work. It is so amazing to start feeling like me again. I still have good n bad days but this is so worth it. Stay focused on why u want to b free of these pills. U can do this. Stay connected n know u r not alone. Lots of us have done this so u can too. Pulling for u.
Thanks again for the above posts. I am very proud of you out there that have a lot of days in.Congrats! I will be heading into day 4 tomorrow,the first 2 days are always the worst for me. Every time I go through this, I tell myself this will be the last. What a pain in the a** I been on here before, but just want to give a little history of myself. Never in my life have I abused anything. This started for me when I was about 46, worked in a pharmacy for 34 yrs prior. I was having terrible neck pains for months,taking ibuprofen,just plain otc meds. One day there was a vicodin laying on floor,picked it up (which is something I did a million times probably) thought hmm wonder if this would work,sure did dispence enough of them, so must be a good pain killer. God I swear that was it! Not only helped my neck but made me feel pretty darn good. Slowly but surely in about a yrs. time I new I was hooked. Talk about feeling ashamed, I think that was worse on me then realizing I was an addict. Sadly I turned in my resignation and went for treatment. My work never new,thank God,just told them I had some medical issues and could no longer work.I thank God that I did that cuz if I had got caught I would of been sooo humiliated. But that was 6 yrs ago and im working elsewhere. This time not so easy getting pills. I Just cant believe im in this mess. But I take all of your advice to heart and will continue reading,reading and fight for my life. Thanks again guys God bless
Hello, I hope that by now, 8 hours later, you are doing better. I can relate to your comment about being depressed yet having a good life. I also feel the same way. My childhood was horrible, but now things are so good that I have no reason to feel bad, but I often feel alone and sad and I don't know why. The pills make my pain go away and they give me a feeling of happiness that I can rarely get. When I think about my stupid sadness and how I shouldn't be sad, I get even more depressed. It's a horrible cycle and I think you know what I'm feeling and saying. I wish you luck and I hope that you are stronger than I am. Today was not a good day for me and now I have to start my 10 clean days all over again. Keep us updated! More than likely there is someone out there going though what you're going through- stay strong :)
hope you are doing ok Torri. what a story about how you started using! I am sorry you are going through all of this. it's normal ... so normal ... to feel emotional. I can tell you from experience that the longer you go round and round with this process, the harder it gets. not necessarily physically, although it's very possible. but the emotional and mental gets more dense and convoluted. stay with it ! it is so worth it ! good luck and take care.
hey there perfecliar,just read your post,its early so you r probably sleeping. just wanted to throw some support your way,Please don't beat yourself up about taking a pil,cuz it happens,i know ive done it a zillion times.or at least I feel like I have, Yes it helps for a minute and that's it. Sounds like we both suffer from depression. I have gotten on that site as well, and believe me were not alone in that. I think keeping yourself busy is the main thing for this, although I know its hard. I don't seem to have much interest in anything anymore. I guess the good news is though when I woke up this am im not feeling so much like crap. Generally when I wake up I have to take a pill just to feel half way human, Im gonna try to have a better day than yesterday. Im off work again today, been off the last 4 days,thats why I started the detox. Back to work tomorrow,but not gonna think about that today.Just focus on today! you to,just focus on today and forget yesterday,start anew. I think you are doing great,10 days in were great,you will do this. I also think you have to make sure you have no pills available because we know how easy it is to cave and think oh just one, and that leads into 2 etc.etc. Just wanted to thank you for your response,keep posting and I will to. We can do this! take care and God bless
thank you meefWpaw also for the response, I know what a story about how I take one pain killer and liked it so much that eventually made me an addict.I sometimes just cant even believe it, I know that I think too much about this and dwell and dwell about it,but truthfully it just blows me away. Never did I think this could happen to me.But it has and I have to deal with it Yes you are right about going round and round on this cycle is no good. Each time gets worse and worse. Just absolutely CRAZY today Is a new day,and I have to just focus on that. Emotions are all over the place right now. One minute I feel good and the next I want to cry my eyes out. its all a part of it,i know omg do I Know. anyway you take care and God bless you