Aa
sons surgery
So I tried to talk to my husband tonight about him taking our sons meds and leaving what he needs for the day and he flipped out! Told me that if I can not control my addiction that we do not need to stay married! OMG what a jerk! I can not believe that he does not understand my situation! Ugggg well I will rely on my mom I guess....just venting!
He said if I would stoop to taking my sons meds then I have a problem! You think?! No sh(% Sherlock I have a problem! Wow he understand so much! NOT! I can deal not a problem just needed to vent my frustrations!
He said if I would stoop to taking my sons meds then I have a problem! You think?! No sh(% Sherlock I have a problem! Wow he understand so much! NOT! I can deal not a problem just needed to vent my frustrations!
Clean you are truly amazing! Thank you for your support! Yes my husband is one of those that does every thing to the extreme! Addiction, depression. etc is all in our heads and we are weak if we think other wise! Thank GOD I know the difference and know what I need to do!
Dang Connie, you so nailed it!!! "Those who aren't "open" to exposing their addiction or their "issues" in a support group setting tend to have a very wealthy lifestyle or "position in society" where they fear their "image" would perhaps be tainted. Their hubby's hold "high up" positions in society, work in a bank, etc. "the family" has this "image to maintain"....and IF their wife would actually show up in a public support group.....they fear the stigma of which I speak would affect that. " Your statement is so true i am living proof!
Girl, I'm so sorry your heart got hurt. We SO want to be understood, don't we? (and particularly from someone as close to us as our spouses!) In a very tense moment around my house some weeks ago, I too got really hurt and it was revealed to me that my hubby "STILL" lacks a true understanding of addiction. You'd think after living with ME (haha) all this time, he'd have learned a bit....and not that he hasn't learned "something"...cause I think he has.....but he hates to see me in so much pain, and during a volatile convo he said, "Well, you wouldn't have to live in such pain if YOU hadn't DONE THIS to YOURSELF!!"
WHOA Nellie!!!!!
Your hubby using the word "control" in the same sentence as "addiction" and thinking you CAN "control" your addiction reveals A LOT!! (about HIM...not YOU) It also sends this false message to us that we "ought to" be able to control our disease but even more importantly, it reveals to us that they don't, can't and haven't yet learned enough about our illness (or they don't REALLY believe it IS an illness/disease).
I guess it's to be expected though, for those that don't TRULY, REALLY understand the disease of addiction because they haven't ever walked in our shoes, huh?
There is a HUGE stigma in our world STILL...about addiction. We've come a LONG ways in the past 30 yrs....but the stigma remains. We can no more give our loved ones "a desire to UNDERSTAND and LEARN about addiction" any more than they could give us a desire to get/stay clean.
The old saying, "Ignorance is Bliss" may apply (but I tend to think it's "pride" myself to some degree) Because the uninformed/inexperienced person simply CANNOT have any empathy or give recognition for the enormous amount of suffering in the lives of an addict. And even if we try to "help" them, offer video links, print out material, give them articles to read... we can't make them WANT to learn it. Nor can we "make" them understand it. They have to have a willingness, too....because, if for no other reason than that they love us. I find PRIDE is a big culprit here.
I have a son-in-law who is one of those that once he "makes up his mind" to quit anything, i.e., lose weight, change a habit, eliminate nicotine, not drink, whatever...he just DOES IT. He has a very high IQ....and guess what? He has NO EMPATHY....I mean ZERO empathy for other human beings because of this! He has NEVER....in his entire life (thus far) ever, I mean EVER "come to the end of himself". Where "something" was greater than he was. I feel sorry for him, actually.
I don't know anything about your lifestyle or your hubby...but I want to share something I "see" here on this forum. Those who aren't "open" to exposing their addiction or their "issues" in a support group setting tend to have a very wealthy lifestyle or "position in society" where they fear their "image" would perhaps be tainted. Their hubby's hold "high up" positions in society, work in a bank, etc. "the family" has this "image to maintain"....and IF their wife would actually show up in a public support group.....they fear the stigma of which I speak would affect that.
That's why I say "pride". Maybe not the addict's pride necessarily....but perhaps the pride of their spouse. So maybe it's not solely about "understanding" addiction.
If you should want to view, read or share info about this hurtful "stigma" I speak of....the hbo addiction web site has some great articles and short videos on the right of each page that further explain what I'm long-windedly talking about (sorry).
Here's the link:
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/stigma/52_coping_with_stigma.html
Bottom line Bear, your hubby is just acting like a person who doesn't have any knowledge of our disease. I'm glad you have your Mom there...and hope your son's surgery and recovery will go well~
WHOA Nellie!!!!!
Your hubby using the word "control" in the same sentence as "addiction" and thinking you CAN "control" your addiction reveals A LOT!! (about HIM...not YOU) It also sends this false message to us that we "ought to" be able to control our disease but even more importantly, it reveals to us that they don't, can't and haven't yet learned enough about our illness (or they don't REALLY believe it IS an illness/disease).
I guess it's to be expected though, for those that don't TRULY, REALLY understand the disease of addiction because they haven't ever walked in our shoes, huh?
There is a HUGE stigma in our world STILL...about addiction. We've come a LONG ways in the past 30 yrs....but the stigma remains. We can no more give our loved ones "a desire to UNDERSTAND and LEARN about addiction" any more than they could give us a desire to get/stay clean.
The old saying, "Ignorance is Bliss" may apply (but I tend to think it's "pride" myself to some degree) Because the uninformed/inexperienced person simply CANNOT have any empathy or give recognition for the enormous amount of suffering in the lives of an addict. And even if we try to "help" them, offer video links, print out material, give them articles to read... we can't make them WANT to learn it. Nor can we "make" them understand it. They have to have a willingness, too....because, if for no other reason than that they love us. I find PRIDE is a big culprit here.
I have a son-in-law who is one of those that once he "makes up his mind" to quit anything, i.e., lose weight, change a habit, eliminate nicotine, not drink, whatever...he just DOES IT. He has a very high IQ....and guess what? He has NO EMPATHY....I mean ZERO empathy for other human beings because of this! He has NEVER....in his entire life (thus far) ever, I mean EVER "come to the end of himself". Where "something" was greater than he was. I feel sorry for him, actually.
I don't know anything about your lifestyle or your hubby...but I want to share something I "see" here on this forum. Those who aren't "open" to exposing their addiction or their "issues" in a support group setting tend to have a very wealthy lifestyle or "position in society" where they fear their "image" would perhaps be tainted. Their hubby's hold "high up" positions in society, work in a bank, etc. "the family" has this "image to maintain"....and IF their wife would actually show up in a public support group.....they fear the stigma of which I speak would affect that.
That's why I say "pride". Maybe not the addict's pride necessarily....but perhaps the pride of their spouse. So maybe it's not solely about "understanding" addiction.
If you should want to view, read or share info about this hurtful "stigma" I speak of....the hbo addiction web site has some great articles and short videos on the right of each page that further explain what I'm long-windedly talking about (sorry).
Here's the link:
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/stigma/52_coping_with_stigma.html
Bottom line Bear, your hubby is just acting like a person who doesn't have any knowledge of our disease. I'm glad you have your Mom there...and hope your son's surgery and recovery will go well~
Thank you for your comment! I have tried to talk to him but he does not understand. He thinks that any thing that is wrong with you is all in your head! Makes life very hard but I will get threw this! My son knows about my addiction and is very thoughtful regarding it so I know between us we can do this! I am going to write a log every day and both of us will sign each time I give him a pill! Some great advice I received here!
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