transcending guilt

[sway1]

i am on day 9 off opiates. while i was using, i would never get on my kids about helping out around the house, keeping their rooms clean, taking out the trash, etc.etc. because i felt so guilty knowing how screwed up i was, what right did i have to make anyone do anything? what if they turned around and said something like you are nice and high so do it yourself! that is so unrealistic, but that's how i felt. what if i might need them to cover for me with my husband or something like that? i can't have them pissed at me. so i basically kissed their ***** all the time. my logic has been so twisted for so long. now i ahve to teach myself how to do the parent thing. they are going to think i have a severe case of pms for sure. now mom's straight so we have to do all this stuff. i liked her better when she was using. bla bla bla. it won't be fun. it's so strange not to have a guilty conscience all the time. so much to re-learn.       that said, man i feel great! started sewing again, knitting, reading more, listening to people for real. when i was chasing, my brain was racing. i didn't give anyone my full attention. wow! i am finally gaining weight. i have been needing to gain 15 pounds for about 7 years. food wasn't the problem. i think it was the guilt. hiding my shame inside was just literally burning me up on the inside. i don't want to offend anyone here, but ti is so hard for me to gain weight. i quit smoking for 3 weeks and lost 8 pounds! wtf? anyway i didn't mean to babble. it's just wonderful to have these days. they are mine and cannot be taken away from me. i am huggin them and i am huggin all of you because i don't think i could've gotten this far without my medhelp family. blessed be to you all.   sway

[sway1]

thank you. i can accept compliments now. even that is different. i think the weight i am gaining is muscle from working out everyday. my poor thighs havent touched each other standing up since the turn of the century! lol. thank you for being there for me man. seriously. big hug!   sway

[Danny750]

I think you should rexclaim being a parent. I think showing them how responsible you are is a good thing. And god forbid it would ever come up and they said that to you then you at least can show them why it's not good. Funny you talk about giving full attention. My wife said that she can already tell I'm not in a fog anymore and that I'm paying more attention to her when she talks. But that probably won't last long LOL. Just kidding.....maybe :)

[gizzy32]

You seem to be coming along so fast and thinking clear already. Guilt plays a major role in addiction and sometimes it holds us back, it did to me for sure.The guilt will diminish with time once we make ammends and improve on the life we were living. When I quit I needed to gain weight and it took some time, but I have put on about 20 lbs. I eat so much but hard to gain, my metabolism is through the roof. Have you thought of the McDonald's diet? lol. Oh ya that stuff will mess you up as much as the drugs. Congrats on 9 days clean, your doing so good:)