Don't Give Up!

[waterLilly7]

It's coming on one year now for me. June something or other will be a year, April was when I started the taper.
Today I was emptying the dishwasher. I had Peter Gabriel playing and I was enjoying it, and I was enjoying emptying the dishwasher. This time last year when I had to do that the anxiety was so so so so so bad that I would push myself to go in and put away the silverware part of it, then take a break, then force myself to go in and do the plates, then rest, then I would force myself to do the glasses, then rest. etc. I can compare it to being forced to do chores by a crazy whacked out clown who had me in crazy clown prison, I can't even explain it, it was HORRIBLE, and today, ha! I was dancing about putting the dishes away, and it felt great! I have never felt better. hang in there please, it will be this way for you too, I promise!
I love you for what you are doing for yourself, stay the course!
Hugs,
Lily

[SmilingBright]

Wow what an inspiring post!!! Congrats on 1 yr clean.  Thank u fit Shari g how great life can be down the road!!!!!  

God bless!!

[clean_in_ks]

SO happy feet dancing for YOU... Lily!!   Thank you for sharing how GREAT life is for you now. Conhall (the other Connie) and I are one day apart and like she said, June is our one year BIRTHDAY, too!!!  Isn't that just SO fun???

I can't say I'm doing as good as either of you are.....but at least I can see  SOME improvements now and especially if I go back and read all I wrote my first months getting clean.  My being bedridden off and on during a 4 yr period is the "reason" I give myself for not keeping up with you two girls")
I LOVE your post and appreciate you sharing your joy with all of us.

I can't let this "dishwasher" reference slip by w/o at least sharing "my" dishwasher story.  In my early days.....I was a REALLY SICK MESS when I woke up EVERY DAY....the frontal lobe of my brain felt heavy....I felt like someone had poured some REALLY REALLY thick oil on top of my head!
So, my hubby (of course being a "morning" person unlike his wife {even b4 opiates}) would bop up and start unloading the dishwasher while I was laying in our chaise lounge in the open living room off the kitchen.  I swear.....each and every plate, glass, fork spoon or dish sounded like he was banging and clanging symbols in my ears!!!  Thank God that has changed..lol...that IS one of the things that has improved....my OVERsensitivity to light, sound, smells, etc. has gotten much better.....in fact......I'm even the one unloading the dishwasher most days now. LOL

Blessings to you dear one for your amazing accomplishments~

[conhall]

Very proud of you!  We went thru are beginning together! I will be a year in June also :) You are a very strong and good person Glad to see Life is going good for you! I Think about my life a year ago also especially when cleaning house and before I just couldnt do it w/o taking breaks especially during the first few weeks of my detox, and Now I enjoy looking at my house because it has an order to it and I am proud at the progress and you should be also! Hold your head up high and Be proud of yourself! God Bless and like Sara said always keep your guard up! :)

[quitinoxys]

Great post Lily, isn't it great just to experience life!!! Being high you (or at least I did) hide from anything good and just look at the bad side of life. I am glad to hear you can enjoy life once again. God Bless---Rick

[waterLilly7]

Thanks guys, I do feel blessed, all of the time. When I am able to enjoy things again like the geese flying in circles overhead with their geesy squawks, or taking the dogs for a walk, or the scent of a lilac bush, it's just such a blessing that I can enjoy it and I give thanks.

hugs,
Lily

[gnarly_1]

Hey  congrats on staying the course your doing great im so happy for you its always great to here someone is doing good long term keep doing what your doing  share with others what worked and works for yougood luck and God bless...........Gnarly

[dominosarah]

I used to look at the old boy here and he would be laughing at something on tv or just in a good mood period.  I always wondered how can you be like that and not be on anything, then i would get really angry and start something with him.  He would then look at me and just simply say, i am not going to play into your games, you fight with yourself.....I was a raging bull after that.  How dare him call me out!!  Whenever i get into one of my moods now he just looks at me and says, you know what i am going to tell you!!!  I usually start laughing and tell him to get out of my head!!!

[kyle505]

I hope that the new detoxers read this. It is very important because it is proof that there is life after pills, something that I believe prevents so many from even considering stopping. I posted once that when I was using I watched my wife and her mother putting together a jigsaw puzzle - laughing, talking, enjoying each other, and all they were ingesting was water. I couldn't understand, but deep down I knew I wanted that.
I am so proud of you. You were a great help to me and your support was very important. Many congratulations; be proud.

[waterLilly7]

Wow Sarah, your post really hit home. I was the same, an also with the laundry, and other household chores. I held a lot of resentment that I then turned inward.
The whole experience of getting my life back gave mea new sense of calm, and a new sense of self worth. Now if I do something for someone it is because I want to, not because I feel pressured. If I feel pressured I will verbalize it and work it out. If I need help I ask for it, and sometimes have to demand it, instead of waiting for others to read my mind and do it and then resenting them for it when they didn't.
I have become a fair leader actually.

Thanks for all your help along the way through this journey. You were always there for me.

Hugs,
Lily

[Pjtwenty]

Awesome on a year!!
It definitely helps to hear reports of it getting easier.
I remember the first two weeks forcing myself to clean up the kids toys and do dishes. Now at 25 days it's a lot easier.

[waterLilly7]

Wow, so great to see all of these posts and people really doing it! All these comments here are inspirational. To answer the questions, the motivation  thing, I would say it got better after 6 months, but it wasn't my biggest issue, so I didn't care that much about it, I was more terrified of the anxiety thing that never seemed to completely wane. I mean, it got sooooo much better after one month, and then after 3, and then after 6 big time, but it still lingered. Right now it is still there, but hardly anything. I do see how it can take a full two years to get your complete brain chemistry going the way it should again. Now and then when I feel some anxiety coming on I get real strong and push through it. Meditation helps too. Keep up the good work! group hug!
Lily

[On2better]

Wow! A beacon of hope for us noobs. That is so awesome that you are finding joy in things like unloading the dishwasher. I completely understand the crazy clown prison. It made me LOL, because I get it :) big hugs and happy birthday!

[VICourageous]

Hi..You do not know how much this post has helped me..I am walking in 9 months I think 247 days??? I did just what you said for many months..It was like baby steps..I have been so worried about this no-motivation thing that it is driving me nuts..Maybe the Drs are right after all..they did say give it a year..Tell me did this just come back right away or did it get better & better after which month?? I know we all our different and I do believe how old and how long and how much we used makes a big different too..I am just curious. You could not have come at a better time..Thanks.
Bless

[toothfairie]

I went CT at 120 mgs of hydros...it was not pleasant.....lol but i made it to the 6 month mark!  and still going.....just feeling blessed that i made it!!  

[Jimmy1975]

You are not kidding about that anxiety monster ! That is absolutely the worst part of recovery ! I was just taking 30mgs a day and I can't even imagine what stopping 100mgs of hydrocodone is like . But the good news is it does go away . I was pretty much back to normal in a month and a half .

[ariley13]

I don't think I'll ever be able to handle crazy clowns! Creepy! lol

[toothfairie]

and Ric...i laughed out loud about the shirts!!  i did the same thing about stuff around the house during WDs...i'd just sit and look at it....thinking, well i'll get it when i feel better...haha

[toothfairie]

great post Lilly!!  I am at 6 months and cannot wait to say 1 year!!  I remember those chores! omg, i would do the same thing....one tiny chore, then sit for an hour or 2, then get up and try to do something else....it was the pits!! and i'm not a fan of clowns either!!  clown prison!  too funny!  

Anxiety su*ked for me too!  at about 23-24 days it hit and lasted for about 3 wks or more...then it started to get better each day....now my problem is no motivation....but i won't complain....or try not to...lol  it's better than the anxiety any day!!  

thanks for the positive post!  

Lisa

[waterLilly7]

I PM'd you, Yes, that is why I posed this, because the anxiety thing is so much worse for some than others. I am one of those that it was horrible for. I thought it would never end. I got through it with chick flicks and house reruns. That was the only TV I could tolerate, anything else was too much excitement and I couldn't stand it.
I fought it and fought it and each week I improved. I had milestones along the way that kept me going. one at 15 days, one at 1 month, one at 3 months, etc.
Now I think I could actually sit in a room with a crazy clown and be like, yeah, this is ok, LOL.

hugs,
Lily

[ariley13]

Thank you for the wonderful post. I am just over one month clean and having a lot of anxiety issues. It sure does help to be reminded that it will get better. Your story is an inspiration to us newbies!

[waterLilly7]

LOL, thanks and same to you!!!  July is my birthday, so you will be one year for my birthday, lol.

yes, crazy clown prison. I have always gotten the heeby jeebies from clowns, and it was like,,,, well,,,,,,  clown prison.

I ihave God to thank, and then everyone in here who guided me thru. Sarah, Kyle, Bkitty, Norco, and so many others were the friends I didn't have here, thank God they were there, well, here.... yeah.
:o)

Hugs,
Lily

[ricart70]

Awesome job Lily !!!    I am right behind you with 1 yr. in July
I know exactly what you mean about the chores being horrible. I remember having a couple of shirts on the floor and I just stared at them wondering how in the world I was ever going to get them off of the floor.
You lost me at crazy clown prison though !   lmao   It was very funny though . I like it !