withdrawal from pain pills, depression?

[operationstack]

i have been abusing pain medication for probably about a year now. i was never prescribed to them, they just kinda found their way into my life and before i knew it i was hooked. now i never actually took them for any reason other than the high (i usually crushed and snorted them). i am on day 8 after quitting cold turkey and as all of you already know the first 3-4 days were the physically the worst. i feel a lot better now except the psychological stuff i have to deal with. i feel severly depressed at times and i suffer strong cravings. back when i was using i wouldnt ever really touch them untill night/evening time so now my nights just seem extrmly boring and empty. everything i did when i was high i cant do anymore because im sober (read a book, watch tv, video games, write, music) nothing seems the same. i was just wandering how long im going to have to deal with this. how long does the depression last. i know that i need to start trying to fill the void in my life but it isnt easy to do right now. i fear a relapse coming if this continues much longer.............  also if for some reason i did relapse once 15-20 days from now and i only did it once, like a hydro/10 or 2, would i have 2 suffer the physical withdrawal all over????

[LordOfLoneliness]

I'm 28 years old (male) I've been taking hydrocodone since 06 for a back injury & oxycodone from 07 till last September.  I had to stop taking the Oxys because I lost my health insurance & they were way to expensive.  Now i take the hydros.  With both perscriptions I used to take 310 a month (10-12) a day from 07-11 but now I just take 200 of the hydro.  Just coming off the 10/325 of the oxys was killer because they work a lot better than 7.5/500 of the hydros.  It was a little easier for me because I still had the hydro but I miss the oxys because of the wonderful high I got.

Usually at midnight I would take 4 & at 4 am take 4 more & by 5 or 6 am be so damn high it felt AMAZING!  But now with the hydros I usually have like 30 extra for the month since I take 6 a day out of the 200 so with those extra at night I take 4 & 2 hours later take 4 more.  It feels great but no where near as good as the oxys.  Sometimes I can go like 12 hours without taking one but by the end i start to get real ancy so I take one.

I've never really had suicidal thoughts before or depression but lately I've been thinking that I want to kill myself because I'm so lonely.  No job no girlfriend I live at home while all my other friends have normal lives & there own places.  Plus I'm ALWAYS broke.  Yeah I won 5 grand in the md lotto recently but it didn't last long.  I recently started a band as a Drummer I've been playing for about 11 years so hopefully that will get me out of my funk and not in the drug scene.  I've never done weed or smoke a cigarette (just the pills) & only cuz of my back/knee  injury.

I probably would have killed myself last year I put like 50 pills in my mouth & wanted to swallow so bad because I lost my job & all the rest of the stuff on top but I thought to myself I'll probably go to hell for doing so.  I'm not really a religious guy I mean I believe in God but I heard people believe if you kill yourself you go to hell so I thought is an eternity suffering in hell worth it to end my suffering in life?  So I spit the pills out & said I'll stick it out for another 50 years & go to heaven lol.  Like I said that's the only thing that stopped me.  Also I'm not very social anymore I sometimes don't step outside for a week just be in my room laying in bed watching tv & sometimes go a day withough eating & still not be hungry....

Most nights I still wish God would kill me maybe like I won't wake up or a semi truck would side swipe me while crossing an intersection or something like that.  Things probably won't get better for me, girls don't really like me to much yeah I'm friends with them but I feel if I asked one of them out they'd laugh or just say no to be nice.  It's been awhile since my last relationship.  Plus I don't have a whole lot of confidence I'm shy around girls.  I mean I have no problem taking to them but I could never ask a girl out.  The word no really scares me.  Plus I'm not an ahole & im one of the nicest person you'll ever meet & it seems like every girl I know is with an ahole or a jerk or a yo boy or something like that.  I couldn't compete with them.  Plus how in the hell is everyone hooking up?  Is there a secret club I don't know about?  Maybe bars but every time I see a girl in a bar she's with a guy!

Well that's about it for me.  Thanks for reading!

[rosie110]

I have been taking Vicodin for about 4 years now and today is day 1 for me.  Like you all, i'm tired of pretending, trying to find them, afraid ill get tested at work and get fired...  It just add's to the depression.
I am ADHD with depression.  Paxil made me feel like I lived in a bubble.  I HATED IT.  I've been taking Prozac for a short time now and I love it!
I so tired of quitting and relapsing.  I'll be praying for all of us.

[kepingstrong]

I myself have been addicted to pain meds ( hydros, oxycontin perk's) all of it for 10 years i did 6 months in jail last year and a week after i got out i started again now i am trying to get whyn myself off of them i have only been back on them for 5 months all and it is the worst pain i have ever been in... my advice to you all it will take is you just taking one more and then that one more will turn into two more and then so on... if you are now over the physical pain dont take that one more please..... the emotional suffering will go away in time trust me i know just sit around and think about it!! Get up and do something find something you enjoy doing..if you have kids like i do focus on them and not the pain pills in the long run your life will be a whole lot better if you stay away from them!!!!! Me im still in the physical pain of it but i kno  we are strong enough to fight this.. Pray God will not let you down... just keep fighting

[mothf2boys]

i was in your same situation. clean for only 9 days. was about to loose my husband and family. spending lots of money too. get into a inpatient detox facility. they detox you without any discomfort. every day is a struggle, but im determined to beat the devil!

[littlebit667]

sent you a message.  I put here as well
Your post for help was missed as you posted on an oldish post that someone else started several years ago.  On any page on this forum (go to your post) and at the top is an orange ask a question button.  Post what you wrote and you will start a NEW thread that will be seen and not missed.  There is also another forum you might go to.  It for living with an addict...it is here

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Living-with-an-Addict/show/1176?controller=forums&action=show&id=1176&camp=msc

works the same way use the orange button.  Good luck.

[leo12494]

over the counter.I know potassium, zinc, and magnesium vitamins help plus benadryl at night to be able to sleep. all those help the cramps sweating and flu like sickness. now Zanax will definetly help to sleep but if you take it everyday you can get addicted too. taking a very low dosage of tramadol or ultram and trikle down on them is the best. thats how i got off them. but need strong will not take too many or youll fall back in the abyss