when will it end.

[bambi2489]

Hello there,
I have been reading posts on this site for a while now and finally have the courage to post. I firstly want to say that I admire anyone that can come back from the brink of alcohol however sadly my father is a chronic alcoholic, he's 65 and been an excessive drinker since his tennage years.
Over the past 6 years he has suffered a major heart attack and more than 6 seizures that have caused him to be admitted to hospital. However over the past few months his drinking has got excessively worse..he is drinking a full bottle of vodka before 12pm and sadly the day he met my daughter (his first granddaughter)he left my house to buy a bottle and hid it under my sofa ..safe to say I haven't seen him since this incident as I was disgusted he would do that on the day he met his granddaughter. I completely understand this is an evil disease but I couldn't have him around my new baby whilst he was drunk.
My mum is beyond worry and has stopped eating because she is living on her nerves.the amount of times she has come home to him having a seizure or fallen over is in double figures.
He is in complete denial that all his symptoms are drink related and he swears by the fact he has vertigo!
His symptoms when he doesn't drink for more than 2 hours are: excessive sweating, nausea, dizziness, shaking, pale skin.
He is constantly confused and has no idea what day it is most of the time. He is collapsing on a weekly basis.
I want to know how much longer he really can go on like this. I'm currently seeing a councillor and on anti depressants because of the stress this has caused me for the past 6 years, I had my daughter 4 months ago and I constantly live with stomach ache because of the emotional distress it is causing me and my mum, I should be loving my new life as a mum but since I had my daughter it has made him worse. He will never accept help as he is in complete denial .But I honestly don't know when this nightmare is going to end. Every day my mum goes home she walks in the house wondering if he's collapsed for the final time. She is frightened so much she has asked him to leave but he refuses.
My dad was such an amazing man when I was little and looking at him now...he has no spirit..looking at him I just see emptiness.I've helped him so much and been the parent in this relationship for more years than I can remember. How long can his body put up with this abuse, he's drinking 3 bottles of vodka a day as well as 5-6 cans of beer. He eats soup once a day...how long can this go on??
Can anyone give me any advice? I thank you in advance.

[bambi2489]

Thankyou so much for your comments tink and bahamamama, they are really really helping. The sad thug is I do blame myself stupidly even those I'm wise enough to understand it has never been my fault, it's just when I was little my dad's only purpose was me..My mum was the breadwinner and I remember growing up into a teenager and wanting to do things for myself and my dad hated it..He turned to me one night and said " when you leave this house, I'll no longer have a purpose in life." Which is a horrible thing to say but he always spoke his mind. I really used to love him but he's not my dad anymore. He's an empty shell, no soul, no spirit. It sounds truly horrible but he doesn't want to be here anymore and I don't want him here anymore , it's not my dad. he's never going to accept help he has been in hospital for three weeks before after suffering a heart attack and a few seizures and came out of hospital and had a pint. I honestly hate who he has become...I call the alcohol the demon who has taken over his body.
I'm so sorry for whining on, I just feel comfortable here and thank you so much for your support. You have been great.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Bambi2489,  
My Heart is Heavy for You.  There is nothing You can do for Your Dad, but there is much You can do for YourSelf and Your Mother.  First and foremost You must realize this has never been in Your power (if so, You would have stopped it long ago, right?).  There is much support for You and Your Mother - it's called al anon and it's for families who love the alcoholic.  These meetings not only offer great support but it's also self-therapy - to learn, to realize what alcoholism is and what it does to the alcoholic and all who love the alcoholic.  I speak as the daughter of an alcoholic Mother who was both phsyically and emotionally abusive to me for many years.  I too, hated my Mother, all through my childhood - HATED !! Her !! - in the only defense I had at the time.  But as I came to learn and understand about alcoholism the hate left me and I felt much more at peace.  I don't think I ever came to "love" my Mother but I came to have compassion for Her ( and other alcoholics as well) -  still, in my heart I hold Her responsible for the choices She made - She brought great pain to my Father, my Brothers and myself.   I feel great peace that I quit hating Her long before She died - from Her alcohlism.  My Father was married to Her for 52 years (until She died from the ravages of Her alcoholism) and the pain, the heartache, the anguish took a terrible toll on Him as well.  Again, the best (the ONLY) thing You can do is find peace for YourSelf and Your Mother.  Number one, You (and She) need to know there is nothing You could have done to stop this - it has always been His choice - one "chooses" to continue drinking, or one "chooses" recovery - I have HUMONGOUS respect for those who have chosen recovery.  You will meet them here.  Please, I hope You and Your Mother do not blame YourSelves in any way for what Your Father has done.
Sincerely and Regards,
Tink

[bahamamama13165]

It's good you're in therapy. There is absolutely nothing you can do for him. You should try to get your mom in therapy too. If you could get her out of that house maybe your dad would be forced to recognize he has a problem. The chances are not good and no one can really predict how long he can hang on like this. He could drop dead at any time, or he could linger for a decade slowly dying from liver disease. If he does decide he wants to get better he will need to be in a medical facility for weeks or months. He will almost certainly die if he just stops drinking on his own. Good luck and congratulations on your baby. Try to focus on that, they grow up way too fast

[bambi2489]

Thank you Ibizan, I have no idea what to do, I have told him so many times that he needs help and given him ultimatums but sadly the drink will always come first.
I want to tell him how I feel because I feel that when he isn't here anymore I will regret not telling him, but I feel like it wouldn't make a difference if I spoke to him or not, I'm not sleeping because my mind is racing constantly thinking whether he's collapsed again etx. I hate him for what he has done to me and my mum and honestly done feel like I can do anything anymore. Will keep you posted. Thank you again x

[ibizan]

In situations like this w/your father and others in this life,saying what you feel is for your own sanity even when we know it will not change their behavior!

[ibizan]

So sorry that you too,have to go thru all of this!sigh:(it will go on for as long as his body holds out and the human body can amazingly and sadly take years of abuse.So glad you are in counseling.You can choose the life you want to live and tragically your father has chosen his demise!Please keep us posted here!Thank you for choosing this forum to share!Many wise and experienced members have much to offer here and I hope they too will post!