Can you relate?

[augustrose2015]

I need to quit alcohol for good but it's just such a struggle. I feel so proud of myself when I don't drink. I feel the energy, I am a better Mom, I feel productive. It feels like a glimpse of what I used to be 10 years ago when I drank only very little or when I was very young not drinking at all and was able to get excited about little things in life. I get so determined and it feels easy for a couple of weeks. I feel like I can go forever without a glass of wine. Then I have one and the whole world just falls apart. I feel guilty but the wine kicks in and I'm happy, for a moment. Next day I feel terribly sick because of the repeating pattern of binges. My husband tells not to be so hard on myself that it's ok but I know it's hurting me badly at this point, physically and emotionally. Been drinking 5-8 glasses of wine daily for years. I don't think it's ok to even have that one night every other 2-3 weeks with wine. I beg for strength. I don't crave the taste but I do crave the effect sometimes. It is just not worth it. The price has become too much. It takes me up to a week to get back to somewhat normal after one evening with wine. The aftermath is horrible. I am going to try my hardest again. Can anyone relate?
Thank you for listening..

[augustrose2015]

Hi Liz... 9 days since my hopefully last ever relapse night. I haven't been to a meeting yet but I have finally a couple of days off work and will research more groups to go to. A closed group sounds amazing, just need to find one. Today I went bowling with my son and first time in at least 12 years didn't order any wine in a place with a bar. Can't say I didn't want to..Tiny steps everyday. :-) The meeting is next. I am very sure that if I do this on my own it will fail and  I will end up trapped and sick again and it gets harder every time to climb out of that hole. Thank you for your message, you're amazing!

[Nighthawk61]

How are you dong today AugustRose,? Did you get to a meeting yet? I was once shy around people but i have to say, i never suffered from much shyness around other addicts. It's like there's this unspoken bond  and respect between people in the program. There's not problem with a mixed meeting, but going to a "closed" group was a lot more beneficial for me than the open meetings. The open meetings seemed to me a bit like going to a movie, or an outing, whereas in the closed meeting I felt more involved and closer to the people. Also a great place to get a same sex sponsor.
Hope to hear you've gone to a meeting.
Hoping you're still sober One Day At A Time....

[ibizan]

Not a one of us ever decided to have the disease of alcoholism!But we are responsible for NOT allowing it to ruin our lives!Life is one day at a time.Hope you stay with us on a daily basis if possible!:)

[augustrose2015]

Thank you! Today was so hard but I kept thinking  just a minute at a time. I can't  believe I've  brought this on myself..
Congratulations  on your amazing journey. Stay strong.

[ibizan]

I've been sober/clean 31 years now....and life is still more manageable when i break it down into one hour at a time,then the next,then the next!So many tasks we get overwhelmed with in daily living!You are taking a good first step and we are always here for you as sounding boards.....PLUS we've all been in your shoes with the drinking and the damage its caused....to ourselves!

[augustrose2015]

I will let you know. I'm amazed that you took time to give me advice and share your experiences. I'm truly grateful.I will have to try a mixed sex meeting as the women only in my area is only on Saturdays when I have to work at my job but that's ok. I'm very shy around strangers but will do my best to connect with others. It may sound strange, I could possibly reach out for support to friends I already have or family but I don't want to explain myself. I've tried with my husband but he's not ready to stop with me and I can't fix him when I feel broken myself. I feel really good today, one day at a time. :-)