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How to walk away?

My brother will be 40 years old and has been in and out of rehab almost all of his adult life.  I have continued to try and "help" and after a short time he will relapse again. He now has two children that are currently in Foster care.  I am lucky enough to be able to see my nephews.  After the 3rd removal from the children's (mom and dad) the courts are leaning toward permanent removal.  When is it time for our family to walk away?  My mom continues to "hope" that he will get better and all my brother does is take advantage of my mom.   I really need some advice.

thanks,

Enough is Enough
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COMMUNITY LEADER
I never see a family totally walk away from their loved one with this problem but all any of you can do is to LEARN HOW TO NOT ENABLE HIM!have any of you ever gone to Al-Anon or checked out some good counseling for yourselves?
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There is nothing harder then to watch someone you care about stay on a self destructive  road.  If he is in and out of rehab on his own he could be trying to stop but in and out of rehab because of the courts makes his chances to change much harder . Living life clean and sober won't happen until he wants it.  Sometimes someone will get it and make changes but most of the time they are there only until there time is finished .  Getting nowhere .  A mothers love goes on no matter what. Hoping and praying THIS time it will be different Al-Anon is a good place to start for the family.  Love those kids they will need all the love you have to offer.  Get a AA big book and read it  it will help you to understand his alcoholism .  I understand your pain and you don't have to be alone in this
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8428738 tn?1400358475
Walking away from your brother will just make his situation even worse. Now is not the time for you and your family to leave him. This is the time where he needs you the most.
Walking away from alcohol is a decision you have to embrace and really work hard for to be able to break free from this addiction. The hard thing with alcoholism and any other forms of addiction is the capability to accept and to admit that you have a problem with addiction.
As soon as you have learn to accept and to admit that you have a problem with alcoholism, the faster it will be for you to get out of this mess and ask for professional help and guidance on how to get out of this problem.
Help your brother realize that he has a problem with addiction, from this, you could start on helping and guiding him to a clean and alcohol free life.
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Avatar universal
I am sorry to disagree but I do NOT think Your decision to "walk away" will make His situation "even worse" - rather, I think if He WILL NOT save HimSelf, well then, You must save YourSelf.  If Your Brother was addicted based on YOUR behavior, YOUR choices, well then, He would have quit drinking before now because that IS what You wanted Him to do.  He is NOT addicted because of anything YOU do or don't do!!  This is about HIM !!
Maybe, Maybe, Maybe, just Maybe, if He realizes that His Family is not going to be there for Him, support Him in His use of alcohol - maybe, maybe He will decide to make other choices.
I vote for You to "walk away"

You might tell Him that You will "be there" in His sobriety but You will NO longer be there if He continues to abuse alcohol
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Avatar universal
I agree that u shouldn't walk away I was in that situation n ppl left me I almost killed myself drinking so much I needed them n  they wasn't there n it was ****** up since then I'm now 45 days sober
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I have never been to Al-anon but I do work for a substance abuse agency so I have a lot of support and get a lot of advice.  Thank you for your response.
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Thank you so much for your kind words.  I will take your advice.  Reading the AA book may be my first step in trying to understand.
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These conversations have been there for most of his life but I keep going  back.  I appreciate your support.
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Avatar universal
I say this with utmost sincerity:

He KNOWS You will keep going back because that is what You DO.  You need to make Him BELIEVE You are done.  The Family enables, aids and abets the alcoholic when They 'tolerate' the alcoholism.

Al Anon is VERY helpful, of course, also I suggest learning/understanding the concept of "tough love".

You said it YourSelf in Your first post:
"enough is enough"

Quitting alcohol IS doable as evidenced by many here who were as deeply in the throes of alcoholism as is Your Brother.

I Wish You and Your Brother Good Luck



I
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
TTinKKerBBell has lived thru the HELL of alcoholism in her family and has come thru strong and wise in her experiences and worked hard to guard her sanity and serenity!She is in my opinion the Sage of wisdom in this forum for those struggling to not be enablers of their alcoholic loved ones,She gives the BEST advice EVER!WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE HER HERE!
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your words.  It helps me believe that I am making the right decisions!!  
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