i went to a usmc ball i prayed be4 i went that i wouldnt drink I DIDNT BUT THE CAKE HAD A SHOT OF KALUA IN IT!!!!

[beth7819]

I HAD MY SPONSER COME AND PRAY WITH ME I'DE STAY SOBER I WAS REALLY SCARED I PRAYED AND PRAYED AND I WAS BORED BUT IM STILL IN MY 1ST YR OF RECOVERY SO I WAS REALLY LOOKING FOWARD TO DESERT AND IT HAS NOT A LITTLE BUT A WHOLE SHOT I THOUGHT IT WAS ICECREAM MAYBE IM OVEREACTING BUT I WAS SO ANGRY IT DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ON THE MENU I MEAN THERE HAD TO BE MORE RECOVERING ALCOHOLICS AND THE KIDS THERE WERE KIDS AM I OVER REACTING DID I ACCIDENTLY RELAPSE DONT LAUGH I KINDA AM LAUGHING EVEN ASKING THAT QUESTION. BECAUSE I DIDNT DO IT  ON PURPOSE I LEFT EARLY I JUST LOOKED AT EVERYONE DRINKING AND HAVING "FUN" I WAS VERY BORED AND LONELY I AM GLAD I DIDNT WAKE UP REGRETTING THE NIGHT BEFORE THOUGH.

[beth7819]

twice money was getting stolen from my purse i was goinging out everyday couldnt wait to leave or see her so i had a partner in crime lol not real crime but u know what i mean so i dint come home one night until ten next morning i appoligized sooooooooooooo much to my husband i couldnt believe i didnt come hmi lied were i was  i was making up stories to go out then i was getting burned out my neighbor n i had become friends chatting from our balconies in the morning and it came up he was in the program since like 92 and i went to him and told him i wanted to go to a meeting i told him i dont drink all the time i drink socially but know were it could head cause i had a problem well i know im unhappy in my marraige and lonely my husband doent give me passion i wish i had he offered me  alocal schedule and for me to go i kept on saying i would but didnt cause by 8 i was wiped out cause cleaning and by now my boys were back and in school so i had responsibilities again so one night i went i was like yeah i need this  but still didnt know were the meeting were that i can do bymyself well rt after the meeting i asked him to drop me offso i can get some icecream he said no i will take u to a good place i was like in my head oh god i want  a drink if he takes me hm i have to go hm and will have no excuse to be out he was keeping the kids so he took me for icecream and i said i need exersise i will walk rest of way he said are u sure i think i should drive u i think he knew but anyway he did  and i walk rt acroos street to my favorite watering hole my girlfriend couldnt come out so i was on the phone drank few beers and walked hm brushed teeth and went to bed saying arent u proud of me hun how sick is that u know rpooo i dont think i really realized all of this until now how it progressed so quickly and the excused came so swiftly it was a short amount of time i am no longer friends with that girl  she just stopped talking to me i started to go to meetings get a sober date commit and really for the first time with a clear head am honest i have not been honest with myself how my life was on the verge of losing everything again for good god gave me this opportunity most ppl dont have being rt across the street from church 1 block from meeting were im not alone and meeting im not to tired to go to ones during the DAY OMG IM SO BLESSED  and im thankful if u took the time to read this anyone and really take it in that i just let it out today and as i started writing i couldnt stop because i was just being honest i guess i didnt realize what got me here this time to meetings and steps stuff i NEVER DID!! how those "friends" arent friends they are in need of needing wrecked ppl like them to feel better about themselves i was watching this girl go hm with different ppl everynight oh soooooo similar....... to past beginnings for me i watch ppl   kill themselves now its like wow that was me at 1st i was really loney but i keep going to  meetings and talking to them and meet new ppl everyday i go to phsciatrist counsler church meeting more meetings its like now ive started the grieving part because im saying by to this little girl lost meeting this new inspired woman mother recoving alcoholic addict the pain is still constent in other part of my body they moved sever osteoarthristis by the way when i came here the climate change is what changed the fact i can walk again i have good days and bad days i have became a mother to my teen boys instead of their friends they liked it when i drank they say but if they can just remember all the caos they would feel the same way i do my youngest son im dealing with the fact he smoked pot but im doing it with a clear head the fact i can help him in a healthy way is what im so greatful for i just cant believe i know if i follow the seps given to me by god and fellow recovering alcoholics i can return to  my riteful path in life i am no longer selfish i am no longer the suffering humanbeing i was 46 days ago over ten yrs of complete utter pain thanx for reading and please keep chatting with me all yall cause i need all yall to as i am here for u aswell i will pray and keep praying for all whome are still suffering and those who are carrying out the 12 step paying it foward because if it werent for me moving here meeting my neighbor going to noon meeting meeting caring ppl who wanted me there wow i was like im wanted what a new life this is thanx
liz

[beth7819]

i have been super busy sorry i havent got back here either im ganna IM u but if anyon want to read my reply i was diagnosed with a cronic liver problem aswell i was to take 48 wks of treatments that was in 07 i continued to kill myself until now really because i am being honest with myself i am not like everyoneelse even though i stopped drinking this time not out of crisis i knew it was going to end up there when drunks cant handle u drunk ur different rpooo lol im 46 DAYS SOBER TODAY OMG i ask god how can this be i tryed the magig wand it never worked i actually am geographically in the rt place to utilize the tools avail. like meetings a block away in nc they were daily meetings twns away and like few and far between trust me ppl say if u want it youll hitchike but i have kids i needed to care for at 8pm at night i abloslutly had no way. and i got a dui in 09 only my 3rd rt? gosh i wish i knew then what i know now so i was court ordered to attend rehab for 30days i had just stopped my teatments that was the most awful experience of my ife so going was a very educating experience and i was ready to stop by this time i hadnt drank alot maybe once a wk but the kaos was the worst part fight with my husband he didnt trust me it was aful any way when i went to rehab i had no drugs or alcohol in my system but i had been so secluded those med side effect was sever insomnia along with if u had bipoar or addiction problem it makes it 100 times more stronger i had to see and eye doctor and phsciatrist before they approved me to take the meds there were cases of suicide and murder. so i was very unstable i had a fear of public places it was weird so i freaked out when i got ther had a sever anxiaty attack when i got there and hid behind a washer lol hysterical so anyway when i finally got those meds detoxed from my system it was so different i strted to feel normal and was greatful for that judge. but cronic pain cripling pain also if u had cronic pain it would criple u on the meds too so i had a walker at 32 yrs old can u believe that crap. i self medicated for that too anyway sorry for jumping around i was so miserable they couldnt give me any meds for the pain i couldnt walk they expected me to i just couldnt it made me agitated and i had a few confrontations in there theplace was very un organized ppl wer having sex they let ppl get away with to much i was there not on vacation i took this sh.t seriously so this young punk got in my face and i was getting ready for the dr  they were taking me to the orthopedics and i was in so much pain i had had surgery on both my knees bytheway sorry for jumping around again im bipolar to throw that in lol anyway i want to the head ladies and told them get that kid away i wanna slap him in the face i cant take it i did the rt thing went to them well when i got back they said they were discharging mebecause i had hit him they didnt even ask him they heard me say i hit him i told them to ask him they did it was a misunderstanding but it didnt matter they already discharged me i was beside myself they screwed up he even said i dint slap him but they felt he needed the help more than i because i was sober when i came in and not a drinker or druggy like the rest they figured i would be ok if i followed an outpatient plan i realized they had just recieved my insurance check thAT DAY TOO. i have abandonment issues aswell so again i was like they gave up on me. but in there i was able to let go of my kids dad who died in 02 were my s..t hit the fan and kept going. i hope im not boring u i guess i really need to chat today.
      well whith all of that i though my husband was to divorce me and i was going to go to jail for probation violation but he was pissed but he realized what happened because the lady behind the rehab she worked at's back the one who took me to the dr and heard no such thing i was acussed of told him the truth of what reslly happened. i told my probation officer insurance only covered a certain amount of days which they did i was 1 day short of a sucessful dicharge so i had to do those days in jail 2 days a wk the worst days of my life i had sever bronchitis and i used to be a police officer at the very jail i had to attend talk about a low i stayed sober  30 days because well from the 17th i think of nov. 09 was when i went in 13th was my last drink but i took zanax uptil the day i went in then something set me off and i took off for 2 days jan 5th i belive cause my bday was the 3rd so that was the longest of complete sobriaty you know that cycle when i did it i did it hard ended up taking shots with an old friend and i never take shots i was in a hotel rm with ppl i didnt know dont remember anything my family was worried i was scared alone paranoid i had tryed something new bathcrystals i snorted its synthetic cocain legal u get it at a head shop i have no idea what set me off i uess i needed to jump around too all of this i dont know why i picked u im sorry if it was too much i am just sober today and know im done i utilize the tools given to me
anyway to jump off again what got me here we moved  my husband got orders ive at this time been sober i wasnt counting but a while when i knew i wanted to start fresh my husband and i were make or break cause he had lost so much respect for me he was cold a verbally abusive i was depressed because of the pain and him and loneliness i just stopped and like i said i wasnt drinking everyday but anyway we moved and i was so excited when i saw nc in my rearview mirror scared too i had made a friend when we were in california looking for condos in april ofcourse we went to a bar so i found her there thats april we moved end july so when i got here i met up with her i was like wow i got this friend and for the 1st time i can walk with no pain omg this is amazing so it took a few times going out with her lunches going out shes a drinker going thru a divorce her husband also in military officer like mine i couldnt belive it i had a friend who all the time came with me asked me out well i drank with her a few beers at 1st i was like yeah i can do this socially and i was i was drinking socially remembering everything when she got to drunk i could take are of her well at 1st my husband was like sure go cause he was happy too and started to trust me again long story short it didnt take long i lost my phone

[rpooo]

Hi Liz!
Im apologize i'm so slow to get back to you. I don't mid you asking my story at all. Please feel welcome to ask me anything. I'll give you the short short version. ha ha

It close to the same as anyone elses with a few exceptions. I Have been an alcoholic for the last 20 years or so. No real good reason why other than I really really like to have a buzz then at the end of every night be drunk and go to bed then start all back over the next morning well towards the end when I wasn't working. I love rum and coke but after hearing the "your going to die thing" from a few doctors I switched to beer thinking I could get away with it. I would drink 23 beers a day and some days forget to eat. That useless existance lasted only a couple of years until I was diagnosed with end stage cirrhosis 03-23-10. I had to stop drinking immediately, there was no other way around it this time. I tapered back for only a few days and then knew I had it and havent drank since. It's been a little over 600 days.

I have a lot of health problems now. When someone is diagnosed with cirrhosis it doesn't just stop there. The liver has many functions. So thats pretty much my story, I was 38 when I was diagnosed. Leaving that doctors office I knew my whole life changed. Cirrhosis is a terrible disease to live with, but had I never got it I wouldve spent my entire life dunk and not knowing how good life can really be! I guess there really is good in every bad.

Keep staying strong liz, You can do this! Again please feel free to ask any thing here in the forum or via email if you like. I wish the best for you! Take care.

Randy

[beth7819]

thanx for ur feedback  it was a small mouse then the whole center was a shot not baked but mixed with cream i thought was icecream and i felt the taste and it course thru me quickly i think just the idea of not being told i prepared to leave  early in the event i eould cause harm i intended to like as if i felt like drinking is what i ment i called my sponser everything prayed  and then that it didnt make me want to drink i was just upset because there were lots of kids teens and with 2000 military guys old n young some had to be in the program too and i thought how could they but im over it i think my mind was my worst enemy that night and i did leave early i just rather be home than out partying but my husband is an officer  so i had to make an apperience and i did i spent too much time and money getting ready and had a boring time but i was sober and remembered everything im 41 days now.
so whats your story if you dont mind me asking i have no friends outside here and 1 hr of AA so i am looking for ppl i can chat with everyday
name is liz

[rpooo]

Kalua has such a low acohol content and it's more likely that the alcohol portion burned up in the baking process leaving nothing but the flavor. One shot in a whole cake goes pretty thin. I understand being upset about it, I would be as well but don't take this as a set back in anyway! Your still making the best choice you ever have :)   Sobriety!

Randy

[beth7819]

Omg I just a long msg and it didn't go thru damn it

[dominosarah]

Take some deep breaths, you are going to be okay.  You didn't drink and you left early, that is a good thing!   Talk with your sponsor today and share your feelings with her also.  Your doing great so keep it going~~sara

[dmoonchild]

Beth, if you know in your heart of hearts that you did the right thing, then there is nothing be ashamed of . I am so proud of you that you even went to the ball knowing that you are just a year in recovery. You did a good job. I had to stop working because of my back issues, but I was a Parole Agent for 15 yrs and I have alot of drug & alcohol counseling in my bag of training. You are still learning the triggers for wanting to drink. Im sure that was a very difficult time for you not to drink. But you did it. Having a dessert with alcohol in it can trigger an alcoholic to go on a binge , so I would make sure that you check any foods you eat or drink to make sure there is no alcohol in it.
Again You should be very proud of yourself but keep being very vigilant and pray to whom ever your higher power is. Good luck and God Bless.