how to stop my husband from yelling at me?

[snowchild16]

My husband and I have been together for 7+ years and married for 4 years now and we have a 20 month old son. We are both working professionals. Ever since I have been pregnant, my husband has been yelling at me when he gets stressed out by any situation. If my alarm clock went off and I didn't turn it off quickly enough he would scream at me "TURN OFF THE F****ING THING". When our son was little and woke up at night to feed, he would scream at me if I didn't wake up quickly enough. When our son was sick and had a high temperature, he started screaming at me. Recently he got fired from his job, because he screamed at the HR. This morning our car's battery died and he started screaming at me. My reaction varies between complete confusion, to panic, to sometimes screaming back at him. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. After each screaming episode he would not talk to me for a few days and then act as if nothing happened and be overly nice to me. If I dare to bring it up with him, he gets mad at me again. For the past 7 months he has slowly stopped socializing with all our friends, he does not like us going to our friend's place or going anywhere. I'm from another country and don't have any family here. When after one of his screaming episodes I threatened to leave him he said he would take my son away from me. I feel really isolated and depressed. I want to make our marriage work, but I feel like I'm losing my sanity on this roller coaster ride.
How can I stope all the yelling and cursing? I know this is having a very negative effect on my child.

[Dawg241]

I am sorry for all of you women who have to endure all this yelling. I think yelling is really about fear. Men are probably most afraid during shaky economical times. Most of you seem financially dependent on your men. If there is an adult school that teaches computer classes or other training so that you can get independent would make you less fearful.

Yelling can be a good thing in that it is a form of communication even if it is uncomfortable. It is a juvenile way to communicate however and you shouldn't tolerate it if it makes you uncomfortable. There are also women's shelters if you are afraid.

If you have children and it is continuous then you need a counselor. There are often sliding scale fees as low as $20 through school districts or county health.

My boyfriend's father yelled at him all his life and he yells whenever I bring up his career or our relationship. That is fear!  When someone is afraid the best medicine is exposure to what they are afraid of. But you have to limit it to 5 minutes, then maybe longer later. They also need time to process the new information. Studies have proven that men's brains work much slower when processing relationship information. Explains a lot!

[Bolomom70]

My husband is a yeller with low self esteem and a controlling will.  Seconds later he will act as if nothing happened.  We have been married 25 years and our son is 21.  He refuses to even talk to his father for fear of being berated and yelled at.  "Sitting down and calmly talking it over" doesn't work; suggesting therapy doesn't work.  "It's my fault; and according to him I'm the one with the problem.  I subsequently withdraw to my room to get away.  Can't leave due to finances, so I'm stuck. I've been on Lorazapaman and Sertraline for 2 yrs but trying to wean myself off and that's not working either.  Sadly I will have to continue the meds.  Oh, and I don't remember the last time we had sex, or the last time even kissed or hugged me.  So sad and so sorry. :(

[wifeofangrydude17]

Have you gotten out of this relationship since 2010?  Has it improved?  No offense, just a question but are you overweight, or kind of stopped taking care of yourself physically and emotionally?  The reason I ask is because after my children I did gain weight, worked many hours and stopped exercising.  I feel that I am not as attractive as I could be and it is a self esteem issue.  My husband yells, and yells and is so angry that my kids and I just make jokes out of it. I no longer will use the  'PASSIVE AGRESSIVE" syndrome.  He can be kind, loving and helpful, but he is still a yelling jerk, has anger issues, is angry for no apparent reason.  However, in public he appears to be the nicest guy.  He is a house devil, does not hit me nor my kids, but if I had allowed it he would.  I would like to leave him, and may, but I am not working and would like better stability. What I am trying to say is, I have been with my husband for 27 years, married 21 years and s he does not have respect for me and does not care if I am mad, and does act like it never happened. You should not have to put up with it, tell your husband to stop yelling or tell him to leave. Money is not everything nor material things. Your sanity is!!!!

[ovee18]

My husband is also such a horrible thing to me.He shouts and never ready to listen or understand my words.I've tried a lot to sit calmly and talk but it worsen more the situation.He shouts again he stop talking to me.Here I have no relatives & feel very lonely.After 10 years of merriage it has become very tiring for me.I want to get relived from this situation.

[londonchris59]

Yelling is not necessary and in front of children totally unacceptable. The boys will struggle making friends as a result of this learnt anti-social behaviour. Your husband should and will realise this – latest when he sees it, but then it will be much harder for the boys to unlearn.

I recommend you speak to your husband about it calmly when you have some downtime. Don’t get angry when you speak about it ;-) Maybe try a money jar – everytime he yells, he needs to put money in the jar and apologise. The boys can participate… and will learn from their Dad as they observe his own efforts to learn something.

[Dawn128]

Mine is not willing to admit he has a yelling problem or the times he does acknowledge it he places the blame on me or the children in some way.  I don't know why he can't just stop yelling. He has 3 beautiful boys that he is going to teach to grow up to be rageful hateful souls.  I do not want that for them.  I feel like he reverses all the good I try to do for them.  If he could just be happy we'd have a beautiful life but I am so close to ending the marriage b/c his yelling/raging ruins everything.  We've been married for 13 years and have  1,2 and 8 year old boys.  They are beautiful and I want the very best for them.  He is a great man other than the yelling...but the yelling affects everything.