Aa
Accomplishments....Care to share?
I thought an accomplishement thread might not be a bad idea...a place where those of us "fighting the good fight" can come and share our little (or big) victories. I got the idea b/c I wanted to share with you all an accomplishment I had myself today. But before I get to that...please share anything...goals you set for yourself, and how you went about meeting them. And IMO...there ARE no small "wins" when dealing with anxiety and panic. These don't have to be recent goals either...anything you want to share.
I've mentioned before that my most recent panic set back occurred almost a year ago...I was driving down a main highway into the downtown area for an appointment...also incidentally a place normally that I like to go and shop a bit. Anyway, that fateful day...I had my kids in the car (which I think most panic sufferers would agree that makes things 100% worse)...I was driving along when I hit a traffic jam. Nothing tragic...just your run of the mill traffic. Well, I panicked right there and then.....took the next possible exit I could (incidentally right before a tunnel)...and ended up smack in the middle of horrid construction traffic. As I've also shared with you all...my phobia is having poopy pants b/c I fear not making it to a BR in time. I had to go...and BAD b/c of the panic...I hit EVERY blasted light and was in an area I'm not real familiar with. Moral of the story...I made it to BK, stunk up their public restroom (LOL)...and headed right back home. I wasn't even trying to work thru this one....it was sooo bad.
Sooo, naturally, ever since then..I've feared that specific route badly. It is an area prone to a good bit of traffic as it is....and the memories were just awful. Well...I avoided it for a long time until I started forcing myself to drive that route at least once a month...if even to get to my destination and turn around to return home. Now, the days I would PLAN to do this I would have allll kinds of "back up" plans...you know...the answers to our "what if" questions. I'd plan any alternate routes and exits I could get off rather painlessly. I even went to the trouble of (God this is embarassing to admit) of packing my own "diaper bag" of sorts. Basically just a grocery bag with a change of clothing...JUST IN CASE. :0) (I'm blushing...wooo hoooo). But, those things helped to ease my anxiety....so it worked for me.
So, I started my monthly travels and they were HARD. Still never have had brought my kids along for the ride yet....I'm just not ready. THAT will be an ultimate goal when I can get to that. But, I'm not in any rush. So, I had planned for today to be my "therapy" drive day. I had a LOT of anticipatory anxiety this morning...BAD. On top of just the general angst...there was a lot of rain....and basically...after the highway incident...I had another very bad PA ini a bad rainstorm with flooding...so rain while I'm driving is another source of anxiety for me.
Long story short...I DID it, again. And, the feeling of accomplishment I get after I achieve my goal each month is indescribable. I literally feel fearless for the rest of the day....my local "barriers" for agoraphobia disappear, because I know I just faced a lot worse. It's pretty awesome.
I had my moments today on the drive...the act itself was not easy...but I was able to keep breathing...keep self-talking...telling myself that nothing was wrong...there was NO danger...and even if I DID hit traffic...it wouldn't last forever...I'd get out of it eventually. The last time I took this drive..I actually hit two pretty big jam ups...one was on an off-ramp, single lane, which was also a bridge of sorts. I lived to tell about it that time too.
So, yes...I guess I'm patting myself on the back in a sense. It may seem silly to people who don't live with anxiety...."woo-hoo, you drove 40 miles and back...aren't YOu a big girl!". But, to ME, it IS a big deal...and I know the more and more I face the anxiety demons...the better chance I have of winning. So, please...when you achieve a goal...even 1/2 of a goal...celebrate, congratulate yourself...b/c it ISN'T easy....but it's one small battle won. Not the war...but that's coming too.
I always set a day for this drive...and as panic sufferers do...I always want to put it off a day...just ONE day...but I know that that is all part of the avoidance and agoraphobia. The first few times..I gave myself a pass and allowed myself to put it off...cuz that's okay too...as long as you eventually follow through. Now, no excuses...I go on the day I pick. And...when that morning comes...whew...the anxiety.
I'd love to hear all of YOUR accomplishments...old or new...big or small...and I think if we share these types of things as we go...and offer each other support....we can all benefit from sharing in that feeling of success.
Thanks for letting me share (ramble).
I've mentioned before that my most recent panic set back occurred almost a year ago...I was driving down a main highway into the downtown area for an appointment...also incidentally a place normally that I like to go and shop a bit. Anyway, that fateful day...I had my kids in the car (which I think most panic sufferers would agree that makes things 100% worse)...I was driving along when I hit a traffic jam. Nothing tragic...just your run of the mill traffic. Well, I panicked right there and then.....took the next possible exit I could (incidentally right before a tunnel)...and ended up smack in the middle of horrid construction traffic. As I've also shared with you all...my phobia is having poopy pants b/c I fear not making it to a BR in time. I had to go...and BAD b/c of the panic...I hit EVERY blasted light and was in an area I'm not real familiar with. Moral of the story...I made it to BK, stunk up their public restroom (LOL)...and headed right back home. I wasn't even trying to work thru this one....it was sooo bad.
Sooo, naturally, ever since then..I've feared that specific route badly. It is an area prone to a good bit of traffic as it is....and the memories were just awful. Well...I avoided it for a long time until I started forcing myself to drive that route at least once a month...if even to get to my destination and turn around to return home. Now, the days I would PLAN to do this I would have allll kinds of "back up" plans...you know...the answers to our "what if" questions. I'd plan any alternate routes and exits I could get off rather painlessly. I even went to the trouble of (God this is embarassing to admit) of packing my own "diaper bag" of sorts. Basically just a grocery bag with a change of clothing...JUST IN CASE. :0) (I'm blushing...wooo hoooo). But, those things helped to ease my anxiety....so it worked for me.
So, I started my monthly travels and they were HARD. Still never have had brought my kids along for the ride yet....I'm just not ready. THAT will be an ultimate goal when I can get to that. But, I'm not in any rush. So, I had planned for today to be my "therapy" drive day. I had a LOT of anticipatory anxiety this morning...BAD. On top of just the general angst...there was a lot of rain....and basically...after the highway incident...I had another very bad PA ini a bad rainstorm with flooding...so rain while I'm driving is another source of anxiety for me.
Long story short...I DID it, again. And, the feeling of accomplishment I get after I achieve my goal each month is indescribable. I literally feel fearless for the rest of the day....my local "barriers" for agoraphobia disappear, because I know I just faced a lot worse. It's pretty awesome.
I had my moments today on the drive...the act itself was not easy...but I was able to keep breathing...keep self-talking...telling myself that nothing was wrong...there was NO danger...and even if I DID hit traffic...it wouldn't last forever...I'd get out of it eventually. The last time I took this drive..I actually hit two pretty big jam ups...one was on an off-ramp, single lane, which was also a bridge of sorts. I lived to tell about it that time too.
So, yes...I guess I'm patting myself on the back in a sense. It may seem silly to people who don't live with anxiety...."woo-hoo, you drove 40 miles and back...aren't YOu a big girl!". But, to ME, it IS a big deal...and I know the more and more I face the anxiety demons...the better chance I have of winning. So, please...when you achieve a goal...even 1/2 of a goal...celebrate, congratulate yourself...b/c it ISN'T easy....but it's one small battle won. Not the war...but that's coming too.
I always set a day for this drive...and as panic sufferers do...I always want to put it off a day...just ONE day...but I know that that is all part of the avoidance and agoraphobia. The first few times..I gave myself a pass and allowed myself to put it off...cuz that's okay too...as long as you eventually follow through. Now, no excuses...I go on the day I pick. And...when that morning comes...whew...the anxiety.
I'd love to hear all of YOUR accomplishments...old or new...big or small...and I think if we share these types of things as we go...and offer each other support....we can all benefit from sharing in that feeling of success.
Thanks for letting me share (ramble).
Thanks sweetie for youreply. It wasnt easy, but ya know what I can honestly say that I am glad I did it....Hopefully when all of the swelling goes down and I get another sleep study done it will have cured that also....MY FINGURES ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CROSSED
I will keep you all updated...Big accomplishment for me..
Carole
I will keep you all updated...Big accomplishment for me..
Carole
Hi everyone. Your posts are inspirational and at times so funny. Great idea for a thread!
My accomplishment has been to totally redecorate my condominium. New paint, new carpet, new couch. Shopping for a dining set and comfy chair. But all of these decisions were like pulling teeth for me. Is this the perfect couch? What if I hate the paint when it's on the wall? What if I chose the wrong color carpeting and hate it after all that expense? So, it has made me very stressed out. Well, I got the carpeting on Thursday and I love it. And the paint is perfect. Love my new couch. I'm very proud of myself for the results. Not too thrilled with the miles I put on my car travelling to every furniture store in my area looking for the "perfect" furniture. But after all that ruminating, I'm happy with it. Yay! I even surprised myself that I made the carpeting decision rather quickly for my track record. So maybe I'm getting better and realizing I don't need it to be perfect, just need to be happy with it.
My accomplishment has been to totally redecorate my condominium. New paint, new carpet, new couch. Shopping for a dining set and comfy chair. But all of these decisions were like pulling teeth for me. Is this the perfect couch? What if I hate the paint when it's on the wall? What if I chose the wrong color carpeting and hate it after all that expense? So, it has made me very stressed out. Well, I got the carpeting on Thursday and I love it. And the paint is perfect. Love my new couch. I'm very proud of myself for the results. Not too thrilled with the miles I put on my car travelling to every furniture store in my area looking for the "perfect" furniture. But after all that ruminating, I'm happy with it. Yay! I even surprised myself that I made the carpeting decision rather quickly for my track record. So maybe I'm getting better and realizing I don't need it to be perfect, just need to be happy with it.
Awesome news on your surgery. I'm so glad to hear everything went ok for you.
Glad to have you back =)
Crystal
Glad to have you back =)
Crystal
WHOOOOOOO_HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Way to go girl...heck of a job, you should be VERY proud of yourself. I certainly understand the fears of anxiety and fear.
I was getting ready to sign off then I saw this post. I just had to share.
I have always had a problem with sitiing in a beauticians chair, or dentists chair, anywhere I just couldnt get up and run away. (at least without looking like a raving maniac to others). For years prior to having my hair cut, I needed to take a xanax to calm me and not make me fidgitty throughout the entire haircut. I would actually start hyperventilating because I felt like the world was closing in on me and I couldnt breathe....but i couldnt RUN either, OMG what do I do, how will I be able to sit in this chair another 20 minutes!!!!!!!!!!! I would look around at the other ladies and feel them looking at me. I felt SO bad physically, all I needed was for my beautician to ask "so how have you been feeling" through gasping for air and touching my chest I would ask "why do I look badly"? I just couldnt WAIT to get out of that chair...funny thing is, as soon as I was able to move around, and LEAVE if I wanted to the anxiety and panic started going away a little. To make a long story short, for the past 3 years with SOME exceptions, I have NOT used any xanax when getting my hair done. I think I gave myself the OK, that IF I felt badly I could ask to go to the bathroom, and that , that was ok. I am proud of that.
Another scenerio...Dentist chair...OMG anything to do with doctors of any kind is hell for me. EVERYTIME I went to the dentist, even for a cleaning, I had to make very certain that I took a xanax, or I wouldnt go. Then I had to convince myself constantly that I was going to be alright, and it would be over soon. For the most part I was able to get through the visit with minimal signs that I was anxious... For a few years now I have been able to have work done at the dentist....even ROOT CANALS WITHOUT yes I said WITHOUT anything. I am still a little anxious, but I know I will be ok!!!! I NEVER thought in my wildest dreams I would EVER be able to do that.
My most RECENT fear was that of my surgery...O)MG I was ridden with fear and anxiety, however, I knew in order to save myself from oxygen related problems in the future I HAD to go through with this. If it wasnt for Nursegirl, JS, Wolfie, Heart, Bosnianwoman, and others I would have NEVER made it. You all are so dear to my heart , no words could ever explain. GUESS WHAT? I went through the surgery, anesthesia and all with flying colors, and I am alive to talk about it....Although our fears are sometimes debilitating, we must just try and face them a little at a time. With the help from this WONDERFUL site we can get through this together.,
Big Big Hugz to all,
Carole
I was getting ready to sign off then I saw this post. I just had to share.
I have always had a problem with sitiing in a beauticians chair, or dentists chair, anywhere I just couldnt get up and run away. (at least without looking like a raving maniac to others). For years prior to having my hair cut, I needed to take a xanax to calm me and not make me fidgitty throughout the entire haircut. I would actually start hyperventilating because I felt like the world was closing in on me and I couldnt breathe....but i couldnt RUN either, OMG what do I do, how will I be able to sit in this chair another 20 minutes!!!!!!!!!!! I would look around at the other ladies and feel them looking at me. I felt SO bad physically, all I needed was for my beautician to ask "so how have you been feeling" through gasping for air and touching my chest I would ask "why do I look badly"? I just couldnt WAIT to get out of that chair...funny thing is, as soon as I was able to move around, and LEAVE if I wanted to the anxiety and panic started going away a little. To make a long story short, for the past 3 years with SOME exceptions, I have NOT used any xanax when getting my hair done. I think I gave myself the OK, that IF I felt badly I could ask to go to the bathroom, and that , that was ok. I am proud of that.
Another scenerio...Dentist chair...OMG anything to do with doctors of any kind is hell for me. EVERYTIME I went to the dentist, even for a cleaning, I had to make very certain that I took a xanax, or I wouldnt go. Then I had to convince myself constantly that I was going to be alright, and it would be over soon. For the most part I was able to get through the visit with minimal signs that I was anxious... For a few years now I have been able to have work done at the dentist....even ROOT CANALS WITHOUT yes I said WITHOUT anything. I am still a little anxious, but I know I will be ok!!!! I NEVER thought in my wildest dreams I would EVER be able to do that.
My most RECENT fear was that of my surgery...O)MG I was ridden with fear and anxiety, however, I knew in order to save myself from oxygen related problems in the future I HAD to go through with this. If it wasnt for Nursegirl, JS, Wolfie, Heart, Bosnianwoman, and others I would have NEVER made it. You all are so dear to my heart , no words could ever explain. GUESS WHAT? I went through the surgery, anesthesia and all with flying colors, and I am alive to talk about it....Although our fears are sometimes debilitating, we must just try and face them a little at a time. With the help from this WONDERFUL site we can get through this together.,
Big Big Hugz to all,
Carole
thankyou..i am supposed to start working in a couple weeks..It is stressing me out so bad that I might have a heart attack..I have been so withdrawn for quite awhile now..I don't remember anymore how i used to be..just glimpses..I used to go to concerts and the mall..anywhere..everywhere..but slowly over the last few years it has really gotten out of hand..My friends all know I am like this and just kinda deal with it.They stopped trying to force me out..lol That is the first thing that everyone does..my kids are the only ones that can get away with that..and you know I have 6 kids..I used to be on the go go go..and now , I don't do anything..not like I used to...I really hate living like this..but I do not know what to do..I will read your journals right now . I don't want to end up a news story..Woman hasn't left home in 20 yrs..that could easily happen..thanks for letting me vent..(that is an accomplishment) that and i switched from the substance abuse side..love you my friend..
Lisa
Lisa
ok jesus im tired after reading all those
i had not driven my car on my own for 6 mths until 2 weeks ago
i was driving home one day from work 6-7mths ago and i had a pretty hard day of it and still had a few hrs to do at home ,when i started feeling very strange driving i have had panic attacks before but never in the car {am not good in big crowds ,shopping centres etc} and it was a warm day so i just thought i will open the window for some air ---the minute i moved to open the window i felt like i was going to faint and got massive butterflys in my stomach ,then my heart started thumping really fast and everything around started to move slow ---this all happened very quick and i got so worked about it i could not get my hands of the steering wheel ,it was like they were superglued to it---there was no where for me to pull over as i was on a main road with max speed limit at this point my legs went all weak as well i was now convinced i was going to crash getting myself into an even worst state .i had about 10 kms left to get home and i knew i had to through 3 sets of lights and ill be honest someone said a prayer for me or something cause they were all green as i went through and if one of those were red i would not have been able to stop i kid u not my legs and arms were gone to jelly------once i got pass those my breathing came a little bit more under control and the road home was straight .i made it home but i was the colour of snow and very shaken.i have tried loads of times to drive on my own since and i live in the countryside and it is about 2 km to the main strech of road where their is plenty of traffic .everytime i would leave my house i would get as far as the mainroad but i could never pull out ,the same feeling kept back and back and back -----well eventually i did it the other day i went down the hill and out onto the open road {ok i crawled down the hill and crawled up the road}but i did .it was such a great feeling i went for 10km and back.my kids are thrilled now cause they say i can collect from school again .oh heck
anyway great thread nursrgirl good for you
we should have something like this every couple of weeks very positive stuff alltogether
i had not driven my car on my own for 6 mths until 2 weeks ago
i was driving home one day from work 6-7mths ago and i had a pretty hard day of it and still had a few hrs to do at home ,when i started feeling very strange driving i have had panic attacks before but never in the car {am not good in big crowds ,shopping centres etc} and it was a warm day so i just thought i will open the window for some air ---the minute i moved to open the window i felt like i was going to faint and got massive butterflys in my stomach ,then my heart started thumping really fast and everything around started to move slow ---this all happened very quick and i got so worked about it i could not get my hands of the steering wheel ,it was like they were superglued to it---there was no where for me to pull over as i was on a main road with max speed limit at this point my legs went all weak as well i was now convinced i was going to crash getting myself into an even worst state .i had about 10 kms left to get home and i knew i had to through 3 sets of lights and ill be honest someone said a prayer for me or something cause they were all green as i went through and if one of those were red i would not have been able to stop i kid u not my legs and arms were gone to jelly------once i got pass those my breathing came a little bit more under control and the road home was straight .i made it home but i was the colour of snow and very shaken.i have tried loads of times to drive on my own since and i live in the countryside and it is about 2 km to the main strech of road where their is plenty of traffic .everytime i would leave my house i would get as far as the mainroad but i could never pull out ,the same feeling kept back and back and back -----well eventually i did it the other day i went down the hill and out onto the open road {ok i crawled down the hill and crawled up the road}but i did .it was such a great feeling i went for 10km and back.my kids are thrilled now cause they say i can collect from school again .oh heck
anyway great thread nursrgirl good for you
we should have something like this every couple of weeks very positive stuff alltogether
thanks nursegirl, i try and think how awesome it was i did that but it seems liek so long ago sometimes!
and sad, that sounds like agoraphobia allright, i have it bad!
dont let it get you to down! hey if i can make it to the grocery store i feel like its an accomplishment too!
and sad, that sounds like agoraphobia allright, i have it bad!
dont let it get you to down! hey if i can make it to the grocery store i feel like its an accomplishment too!
OOOOOH I soo know the hair cut feeling. It takes me about 3 hours to get mine done with the highlights and all, and the last time I went I thought for sure I was going to blow chunkies all over the stylist.
Its so nice to see everyone dealing with their anxiety
Great idea nursegirl!
Its so nice to see everyone dealing with their anxiety
Great idea nursegirl!
dmb...haircuts are rough! Especially for us gals who may get color or perms...etc. When anxiety is pretty bad....I let all of that **** go...I'm just too afraid to sit there that long. So, a haircut is a BIG goal to meet....way to go!
{{{{{Sad}}}}}!!!!! With as much as you've had going on recently...I'm surprised you're not curled up in your closet!!! Seriously! It definitely sounds like you've got some agoraphobia going on. Are you doing anything for it? Have you read my journals about panic/agoraphobia? When do you start your job?
Getting out and starting a new job, meeting new people will be GREAT for you...but of course...you'll have some anxiety at first. Who doesn't at a new job anyway, right? Once you settle in after a few days and get to know the people and start getting comfy with the position....you'll prolly start looking forward to getting into a routine....and being tired at the end of the day due to a hard days' work rather than all of the emotional strain you've had. I think that it is an excellent thing for you!
Good to see you on "this side" of the pond... :0)
{{{{{Sad}}}}}!!!!! With as much as you've had going on recently...I'm surprised you're not curled up in your closet!!! Seriously! It definitely sounds like you've got some agoraphobia going on. Are you doing anything for it? Have you read my journals about panic/agoraphobia? When do you start your job?
Getting out and starting a new job, meeting new people will be GREAT for you...but of course...you'll have some anxiety at first. Who doesn't at a new job anyway, right? Once you settle in after a few days and get to know the people and start getting comfy with the position....you'll prolly start looking forward to getting into a routine....and being tired at the end of the day due to a hard days' work rather than all of the emotional strain you've had. I think that it is an excellent thing for you!
Good to see you on "this side" of the pond... :0)
I was able to go get my haircut, which is hard for me because you have to sit there the whole time lol. i made it through without a panic attack
As soon as I get an accomplishment I will be sure to post it..sometimes it feels really stupid to say..I actually went grocery shopping..but that is where I am at..I do not like to even leave my house..The panic sets in before I ever leave..1/2 the time i will be ok and the other 1/2 ,all i can do is think about being home and when i get home..it's one huge sigh of relief..I have been told that this some form of agoraphobia..?? I don't know...but I am supposed to start working soon and I am dreading it..not the work..just not being home..what a pain this is..lol
I sit here and read your great accomplishments - you've all accomplished SO much and can be really proud of yourselves.
This morning I woke up feeling quite... empty, and it is then that it is easy to get anxious. It's easy to become grumpy then too, to give in to it and not be able to figure what is going on. I knew that I needed to figure the emptiness and that there was a reason for me waking up with the heart in my throat feeling like I'd choke, but the reason was still pretty transparent. In my silent mind I tried to put it into the anxiety-drawer but t didn't really fit there...
I knew I should have found someone to talk it over with, and I did. I'm so thankful for the listener that I had. In an hour's time I'd figured where the anxiety was attacking me from. It wasn't about the phobia (just seemed like it), and it wasn't grief. It was a reaction to something that happened a few years ago that still grinds in my sleep. Much of the fear I felt at that moment is fear that I have shovelled over to my phobia.
Dealing with anxiety is for me a bumpy ride. Sometimes it's higher stress, other times I just don't care spending time thinking of it. My life isn't ruled by the anxiety anymore. I'm sure that 80% of the phobia is emotions I find no explanation for and automatically skip into the same shelf of fear. It is quite difficult to ask someone to listen, but every time it happens, I get much needed time to sort thoughts and look at where they really belong.
Does it even make sense? :-p
Thanks for making MH such a great place!
This morning I woke up feeling quite... empty, and it is then that it is easy to get anxious. It's easy to become grumpy then too, to give in to it and not be able to figure what is going on. I knew that I needed to figure the emptiness and that there was a reason for me waking up with the heart in my throat feeling like I'd choke, but the reason was still pretty transparent. In my silent mind I tried to put it into the anxiety-drawer but t didn't really fit there...
I knew I should have found someone to talk it over with, and I did. I'm so thankful for the listener that I had. In an hour's time I'd figured where the anxiety was attacking me from. It wasn't about the phobia (just seemed like it), and it wasn't grief. It was a reaction to something that happened a few years ago that still grinds in my sleep. Much of the fear I felt at that moment is fear that I have shovelled over to my phobia.
Dealing with anxiety is for me a bumpy ride. Sometimes it's higher stress, other times I just don't care spending time thinking of it. My life isn't ruled by the anxiety anymore. I'm sure that 80% of the phobia is emotions I find no explanation for and automatically skip into the same shelf of fear. It is quite difficult to ask someone to listen, but every time it happens, I get much needed time to sort thoughts and look at where they really belong.
Does it even make sense? :-p
Thanks for making MH such a great place!
WOW! I'll say that is HUGE! And see....with you having SUCH a rough time right now...you need to use those memories for strength and encouragement. You've done it before....and you can do it again! Maybe that kind of goal is far off...but if you were able to overcome and do something as major as that....well, honey...you can overcome this newest fear too.
I'll admit...I got a wee widdle butterfly in my tummy just reading your FLA story...wow. Even on my BEST days....eh....I dunno that I could do it. I'm darn impressed.
I left you a post on your thread too.
I'll admit...I got a wee widdle butterfly in my tummy just reading your FLA story...wow. Even on my BEST days....eh....I dunno that I could do it. I'm darn impressed.
I left you a post on your thread too.
i had been housebound for a year and gotten better to a certain degree, and had a baby. when my son was two my mother begged me to come from missouri to florida and visit her.... i still dont know how i made the airplane ride, i had a crying 2 year old who wouldnt sit still and instead of a staright through flight i had a changeover with a 45 minute delay in between!
i remeber having a panic attack as i was rushing to the only designated smoking area, and wondering what would happen to my kid if i passed out, that helped a bit. but now after 3 years i dont know if i could do it again!
i have this fun new fear along with my aggoraphobia, its called fear of ever being alone... gah!
well im proud of myself for that florida trip anyway, i even went to the epcot center~!
i remeber having a panic attack as i was rushing to the only designated smoking area, and wondering what would happen to my kid if i passed out, that helped a bit. but now after 3 years i dont know if i could do it again!
i have this fun new fear along with my aggoraphobia, its called fear of ever being alone... gah!
well im proud of myself for that florida trip anyway, i even went to the epcot center~!
Thanks amish....lol at cajones......if I had any...they'd be shrivelled up during the ride, trust me!!!!!
Lydia....omg lmao at your story. Let me guess......she saw said puddle and automatically assumed you were having a seizure of some sorts????? Oh dear.
When really.....this job was just scaring the p*ss out of you......literally!
God, I give you credit for facing it the next day...that couldn't have been easy! Whew!
Glad you "came clean"......lol.
Lydia....omg lmao at your story. Let me guess......she saw said puddle and automatically assumed you were having a seizure of some sorts????? Oh dear.
When really.....this job was just scaring the p*ss out of you......literally!
God, I give you credit for facing it the next day...that couldn't have been easy! Whew!
Glad you "came clean"......lol.
I think I just piddled reading that story! Great post! And congrats for sticking with it over the years!!
Kristine
Kristine
Awesome job. I wish I could do the same thing. I have one of those dreaded "routes" where my first PA took place. You've got some major cajones!
OK.........I can see that I'm going to have to "come clean" about something here. And it's OK if you laugh with me...............
Many years ago I owned a bookstore, a small, independant one that was put out of business by Amazon and all the other huge discount bookstores. It broke my heart as it had been a dream come true for me. But, such is life and I found myself on the street with no job and no idea what the hell to do with myself. A nurse friend of mine said why not become a CNA? (Certified Nursing Assistant) I gave that a great deal of thought and decided that it sounded like a good thing to do. Helping folks is a good thing, right? So that's what I did. But about this time, my panic attacks came back with a vengence, I found myself back on meds, back in therapy and starting a brand new job at a huge hospital where I knew no one, had never tried my "skills" on anyone other than "Annie the plastic pretend patient," and now I was having to deal with real live and very sick people, doctors and nurses and equipment that looked like something from NASA, people rushing around like the house was on fire, lights flashing all over the place, codes being called that I didn't understand, learning the "language" of hospital speak, which might as well have been Greek, bright lights and blood and people screaming in pain........that first day was a nightmare and by lunchtime I was in a full blown panic attack, hiding in an empty room, breathing into a makeshift paper bag I made out of a huge diaper used for incontinent folks.....(I could only imagine what someone would have thought had they seen me, it looked like I was sniffing someone's knickers!) my heart was pounding so hard it hurt, the sweat was pouring like a monsoon, I was feeling so "out of myself" and KNEW I was about to have a heart attack, I couldn't feel my fingers or my lips, the urge to run was so intense I had to hang onto the IV pole to anchor myself to the spot, I was shaking so bad I began to also believe I was now having an epileptic seizure, well, why not, since I wasn't gonna live much longer anyway, might as well enjoy THAT little malady along with the usual potpourri of symptoms, I began to experience head pain and see spots in front of my eyes and just figured my brain tumor was acting up or else I'd finally tossed that clot I knew I had, I'm pretty sure I piddled myself at this point................then the worst thing I could imagine DID happen! Big Bertha the charge nurse found me! This did NOT calm me down. This was the moment there was no longer ANY doubt I had piddled myself.
Big Bertha took one look at me, (and the puddle on the floor) called a code and the next thing I knew I was in the ED hooked up to every machine that hospital owned. I swear I saw a battery charger being attached! I was given a shot of something that I would like to buy in bulk at Costco. Within seconds, I was quite fine, thank you. After being given the diagnosis of a severe panic attack, they let me go home and I was sure they would say "don't bother coming back!" But Big Bertha called me at home later that night and asked how I was doing. I told her I was fine now that I had dry knickers. I think we giggled. Well, I know I did, since I knew she was calling to fire me! But, she said she expected me back on the unit in the morning. I told her I didn't know if I was cut out for the job and she said that if a "newbie" doesn't have a panic attack on their own the first day, she makes damn sure they do on their second! (Somehow I actually believed she could do that!) The moral of this story is that I've been at that hospital for many, many years now, have never had another panic attack there, and my biggest secret is that I know 7 different ways to get to the ED! For me, knowing that help is so close to hand has prevented me from allowing an attack to "get me."
I'm not sure if this is as brave as what many of you have done to overcome your panic in certain situations, but there are a million stories in the naked city. The End
Greenlydia
Many years ago I owned a bookstore, a small, independant one that was put out of business by Amazon and all the other huge discount bookstores. It broke my heart as it had been a dream come true for me. But, such is life and I found myself on the street with no job and no idea what the hell to do with myself. A nurse friend of mine said why not become a CNA? (Certified Nursing Assistant) I gave that a great deal of thought and decided that it sounded like a good thing to do. Helping folks is a good thing, right? So that's what I did. But about this time, my panic attacks came back with a vengence, I found myself back on meds, back in therapy and starting a brand new job at a huge hospital where I knew no one, had never tried my "skills" on anyone other than "Annie the plastic pretend patient," and now I was having to deal with real live and very sick people, doctors and nurses and equipment that looked like something from NASA, people rushing around like the house was on fire, lights flashing all over the place, codes being called that I didn't understand, learning the "language" of hospital speak, which might as well have been Greek, bright lights and blood and people screaming in pain........that first day was a nightmare and by lunchtime I was in a full blown panic attack, hiding in an empty room, breathing into a makeshift paper bag I made out of a huge diaper used for incontinent folks.....(I could only imagine what someone would have thought had they seen me, it looked like I was sniffing someone's knickers!) my heart was pounding so hard it hurt, the sweat was pouring like a monsoon, I was feeling so "out of myself" and KNEW I was about to have a heart attack, I couldn't feel my fingers or my lips, the urge to run was so intense I had to hang onto the IV pole to anchor myself to the spot, I was shaking so bad I began to also believe I was now having an epileptic seizure, well, why not, since I wasn't gonna live much longer anyway, might as well enjoy THAT little malady along with the usual potpourri of symptoms, I began to experience head pain and see spots in front of my eyes and just figured my brain tumor was acting up or else I'd finally tossed that clot I knew I had, I'm pretty sure I piddled myself at this point................then the worst thing I could imagine DID happen! Big Bertha the charge nurse found me! This did NOT calm me down. This was the moment there was no longer ANY doubt I had piddled myself.
Big Bertha took one look at me, (and the puddle on the floor) called a code and the next thing I knew I was in the ED hooked up to every machine that hospital owned. I swear I saw a battery charger being attached! I was given a shot of something that I would like to buy in bulk at Costco. Within seconds, I was quite fine, thank you. After being given the diagnosis of a severe panic attack, they let me go home and I was sure they would say "don't bother coming back!" But Big Bertha called me at home later that night and asked how I was doing. I told her I was fine now that I had dry knickers. I think we giggled. Well, I know I did, since I knew she was calling to fire me! But, she said she expected me back on the unit in the morning. I told her I didn't know if I was cut out for the job and she said that if a "newbie" doesn't have a panic attack on their own the first day, she makes damn sure they do on their second! (Somehow I actually believed she could do that!) The moral of this story is that I've been at that hospital for many, many years now, have never had another panic attack there, and my biggest secret is that I know 7 different ways to get to the ED! For me, knowing that help is so close to hand has prevented me from allowing an attack to "get me."
I'm not sure if this is as brave as what many of you have done to overcome your panic in certain situations, but there are a million stories in the naked city. The End
Greenlydia
AMEN! I'm telling you...I think ANYONE with a prepensity towards anxiety should have ANY google-ish search feature totally disabled on their pcs! You are sooo right about that.
And, I'm also glad you said what you said about your doc....that IS what they are there for.....pest or not....that is the best resource. So many people are reluctant to call their doc for something they may perceive as incidental..I say to all those people...there IS no small concern when it's YOUR concern! Period!
And, I'm also glad you said what you said about your doc....that IS what they are there for.....pest or not....that is the best resource. So many people are reluctant to call their doc for something they may perceive as incidental..I say to all those people...there IS no small concern when it's YOUR concern! Period!
Certainly True, realizing the true severity of a PE didn't help me out! Knowing how many people aren't as lucky as I was scares me. Quite honestly, the biggest mistake I think I ever made was spending so much time on the internet researching PE's and DVT's. I think that is when my anxiety took a turn for the worst.
That is a new rule for me too, and the best advice I can give to anyone out there.........don't "gather" information on your symptoms, you will cause so much more worry for yourself than necessary! Rather than use the internet as a medical tool, call your Dr. for answers....................My Dr. office knows my voice now.......I think I've become a real neusance, but that's OK....I don't mind :)
That is a new rule for me too, and the best advice I can give to anyone out there.........don't "gather" information on your symptoms, you will cause so much more worry for yourself than necessary! Rather than use the internet as a medical tool, call your Dr. for answers....................My Dr. office knows my voice now.......I think I've become a real neusance, but that's OK....I don't mind :)
Oh, and btw...having gone through a PE is a very scary thing...so I could definitely see that you had anxiety related to it. Once you learn and realize just how dangerous they are.....you really start to get scared. It's hard to focus your energies on the fact that indeed you DID get through it and are one of the lucky ones!
Congrats for getting through that....I know it was tough..and frightening. At least your fears started out being based on very understandable things!
Congrats for getting through that....I know it was tough..and frightening. At least your fears started out being based on very understandable things!
Thanks for sharing...that is a tremendous story! You REALLY pushed yourself. It is sooo hard to anxiety/panic based around anything to do with work...b/c like you said...it's not like you can avoid THAT, right?
Your experience is an inspiration to me...and will be to many others. I totally agree about turning it into a "game" of sorts. There were days where I'd go to the grocery store for example....then after that was done...I'd felt so good...it was like I'd say to myself..."HA! I'll see your grocery store and raise you a trip to Blockbuster!" :0)
And....the way that we basically re-program ourselves in facing those fears is what gets us through.
Thanks again for sharing your story...I can relate to it 100%.
Your experience is an inspiration to me...and will be to many others. I totally agree about turning it into a "game" of sorts. There were days where I'd go to the grocery store for example....then after that was done...I'd felt so good...it was like I'd say to myself..."HA! I'll see your grocery store and raise you a trip to Blockbuster!" :0)
And....the way that we basically re-program ourselves in facing those fears is what gets us through.
Thanks again for sharing your story...I can relate to it 100%.
Great idea on this thread! And congratultions for sticking too and accomplishing your monthly trips!
I know when this all started for me, it hit me like a brick! I had always been so outgoing, loved to socialize, go to work, never in a million years did I think I would suffer from anxiety or agoraphobia! But in February of this year, I suffered from a Blood Clot in my left leg that also traveled to my lung, causing a Pulmonary Embolism. I was hospitalized for a few days, and out of work for about 10 days. My job was about an hour from home, and my biggest fear was that something would happen to me when I was so far away from my friends and family, I went to work everyday, but felt super nervous about it. And then it hit, I was sitting at my desk, my hearing went muffled, I felt this unbelievable rush of adreniline, I felt neausous, my heart was racing, I thought I was having a stroke due to my blood clot, and we called 911. My biggest fear had just come true.....here I was, in an ambulance, an hour away from my family, in an unfamiliar hospital, thinking I am dying of a stroke. Well.........that was my first episode, I was diagnosed with Anxiety. Naturally, it was really hard to go to work after that, I was afraid to make to drive, "what if" I had on episode on the highway, and passed out while I was driving. "What if" it happened at work again. Well we all need to work, I was able to work from home a day or so a week, but on the other days, I just had to push through it and make the drive. And I DID IT everytime I had too, even if it meant that I cried the whole way to work.
My anxiety is/was definitely the "What if" kind. Just when I thought my fears were related to driving to work, it hit me again. I was at my all time favorite place in the world, I was at my hair dresser getting my hair cut and colored! I was sitting there, I had just had my hair rinsed, and it happened again,,,,,,,,,I felt neasous and dizzy........I had to cut my appointment short, just color that day, no cut. I rescheduled my cut, and asked my boyfriend to come with me. He did, and I was fine, but also knew he couldn't come everywhere with me. This turned into a fear of Supermarkets, restaraunts, parties with friends. I couldn't go ANYWHERE, "What if" I passed out. The crazy thing is, I had NEVER passed out before, in fact, when I had an episode, nobody would have even know I was having one, I may have felt like I was going to pass out and die, but it certainly wasn't as if anyone else would have know that.
Anyway, as things progressed, I continued going to work, and by the time I got there, I was feeling OK, but would dread the ride home, I managed through it everyday and was always really proud of myself. I started going to the Supermarket or store with my boyfriend or Sister. Finally, I decided that I was going to try these things on my own, and see them as challenges, maybe reward myself with something special when I got through them. Once I began challenging myself, and being really proud of myself, I found that I looked forward to my little excursions.....even if it was to go pick up a prescription alone, a simple 2 minute task, it felt really great! Soon I was doing a complete weeks worth of grocery shopping, not that I wasn't nervous while doing it, but I kept telling myself I was fine, nothing had ever happened before, why would it happen now? I had never passed out before, why would I pass out now?? And SO WHAT if I did. Someone would help me.
I guess the best thing I ever did for myself was turn my fear and axiety into sort of a game for myself..........and it always made me feel so great about myself and my condition! If I did well, I would go get myself a yummy Iced Decaf, or maybe something special for dinner that night, or maybe even a new shirt. Whatever worked for a treat after accomplishing what I once that was impossible!
Challenges continue each day, but I don't let them debilitate me like they used too. I know I am getting through this and some days are better than others, but compared to 2 months ago, I have come a long way!
This site has also been a tremendous help for me, just knowing that there are so many others that go through what I go through, and often times, so much worse than my situation ever was. I know I will get through this.
Best of luck to everyone!
I know when this all started for me, it hit me like a brick! I had always been so outgoing, loved to socialize, go to work, never in a million years did I think I would suffer from anxiety or agoraphobia! But in February of this year, I suffered from a Blood Clot in my left leg that also traveled to my lung, causing a Pulmonary Embolism. I was hospitalized for a few days, and out of work for about 10 days. My job was about an hour from home, and my biggest fear was that something would happen to me when I was so far away from my friends and family, I went to work everyday, but felt super nervous about it. And then it hit, I was sitting at my desk, my hearing went muffled, I felt this unbelievable rush of adreniline, I felt neausous, my heart was racing, I thought I was having a stroke due to my blood clot, and we called 911. My biggest fear had just come true.....here I was, in an ambulance, an hour away from my family, in an unfamiliar hospital, thinking I am dying of a stroke. Well.........that was my first episode, I was diagnosed with Anxiety. Naturally, it was really hard to go to work after that, I was afraid to make to drive, "what if" I had on episode on the highway, and passed out while I was driving. "What if" it happened at work again. Well we all need to work, I was able to work from home a day or so a week, but on the other days, I just had to push through it and make the drive. And I DID IT everytime I had too, even if it meant that I cried the whole way to work.
My anxiety is/was definitely the "What if" kind. Just when I thought my fears were related to driving to work, it hit me again. I was at my all time favorite place in the world, I was at my hair dresser getting my hair cut and colored! I was sitting there, I had just had my hair rinsed, and it happened again,,,,,,,,,I felt neasous and dizzy........I had to cut my appointment short, just color that day, no cut. I rescheduled my cut, and asked my boyfriend to come with me. He did, and I was fine, but also knew he couldn't come everywhere with me. This turned into a fear of Supermarkets, restaraunts, parties with friends. I couldn't go ANYWHERE, "What if" I passed out. The crazy thing is, I had NEVER passed out before, in fact, when I had an episode, nobody would have even know I was having one, I may have felt like I was going to pass out and die, but it certainly wasn't as if anyone else would have know that.
Anyway, as things progressed, I continued going to work, and by the time I got there, I was feeling OK, but would dread the ride home, I managed through it everyday and was always really proud of myself. I started going to the Supermarket or store with my boyfriend or Sister. Finally, I decided that I was going to try these things on my own, and see them as challenges, maybe reward myself with something special when I got through them. Once I began challenging myself, and being really proud of myself, I found that I looked forward to my little excursions.....even if it was to go pick up a prescription alone, a simple 2 minute task, it felt really great! Soon I was doing a complete weeks worth of grocery shopping, not that I wasn't nervous while doing it, but I kept telling myself I was fine, nothing had ever happened before, why would it happen now? I had never passed out before, why would I pass out now?? And SO WHAT if I did. Someone would help me.
I guess the best thing I ever did for myself was turn my fear and axiety into sort of a game for myself..........and it always made me feel so great about myself and my condition! If I did well, I would go get myself a yummy Iced Decaf, or maybe something special for dinner that night, or maybe even a new shirt. Whatever worked for a treat after accomplishing what I once that was impossible!
Challenges continue each day, but I don't let them debilitate me like they used too. I know I am getting through this and some days are better than others, but compared to 2 months ago, I have come a long way!
This site has also been a tremendous help for me, just knowing that there are so many others that go through what I go through, and often times, so much worse than my situation ever was. I know I will get through this.
Best of luck to everyone!
your story really made me giggle a case of bin there done that lol
my greatest recent moment crazy as it sounds is i have taken my beloved dog named maddy moo for a walk whoo hooooooooooo and i could breathe and it was sunny and it was fun and i felt great
weird anxiety excellent achievements
my greatest recent moment crazy as it sounds is i have taken my beloved dog named maddy moo for a walk whoo hooooooooooo and i could breathe and it was sunny and it was fun and i felt great
weird anxiety excellent achievements
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Anxiety Community
Find out what can trigger a panic attack – and what to do if you have one.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Take control of tension today.
These simple pick-me-ups squash stress.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
Want to wake up rested and refreshed?
