Aa
Agoraphobia and housebound
This is something I have been interested in discussing on this forum. I'm just wondering how many of us are agoraphobic and to what extent. I know that I am and fight it all the time but make sure that I do leave my home most days. I have a very dear friend who hasn't left her home in almost 7 years. She has had all kinds of therapy and has tried SSRIs and other meds but is now VERY meds phobic and even with the CBT she finally gave up and just stays home. I'm wondering if there are others on this forum who are like her or are the majority like me. I wish there was something I can do to help her but she is just plain scared to leave her house. She has tried on occasion and has had some success but very minimal and therefore doesn't leave home. We don't even discuss it that much anymore. Our discussions are about everything but... I have to say that she is a perfect example of someone who would benefit from more CBT and medication because she definitely doesn't have any depression, she just has GAD with panic. I would love to know who on this board has agoraphobia and if they have been housebound or are still housebound and how they are dealing with it.
OK, JS, I could have gone all morning without hearing about that elevator scenario! LOL I guess it's back to taking the stairs for me! Months and months of CBT down the tubes!
(Just kidding, I think)
Interesting that you should mention the invitation to visit. My friend that I have been mentioning all through this discussion lives in the U.S. and we have been friends for about six years now ONLY through phone calls and email. We met on another forum for panic and anxiety and have remained very close friends. I've seen pictures of her family and because I don't take many pictures, she has only seen one of me with my family. Now that my husband is retired, I want, at sometime to go and visit her. I do have some concerns about a face to face meeting with her because we have such a great relationship and I don't want that to change in case it is awkward for either one of us because of our GAD, panic and agoraphobia, but I still would love to try it. We already know where we would stay if we go there because we don't go anywhere without our dog and would need to stay in a hotel that is pet friendly. So that would be my safe place there. I don't know when we will do this trip, it may be next year or the year after because it is very far away from here and we have other obligations this year. I leave for Florida in a couple of weeks to visit my sister and then later in the fall, I hope to go to Ottawa, Quebec City, and Montreal (where I grew up). Now that my husband is retired, he wants to do some more travelling and I am going to do it with him and looking at it as therapy and hopefully pleasure too. I am a determined person who does not want this annoying disorder to govern my life.
Quote:
OK, so tell me: because it is I -your forum friend JSGeare (John Scott Geare)- would this qualify my place as a safe zone even though you have never been here and have never met me? Does the fact that my picture appears here make any difference
As for going to your place, I'm not sure if I could do that so early in our relationship. LOL But, maybe once I get to know you and Heather better, I would consider it. I'll take a look at your pictures and Google your address. Having your picture on your profile does help somewhat...at the very least, I would know who would be greeting me and it certainly does help with that part of the anxiety. I will not put my picture on my profile, even though I have now revealed so much information about myself. It is my one form of at-least a little anonymity, which I am still holding on to. To truly answer you question, I might actually take the chance and I don't know if it would be a safe zone until I got there BUT my sense is, that it probably would be because I have seen some of the pictures on your profile page and your place looks very inviting and you are one of US, the chosen few who knows what it is like to go through panic. That in itself make it interesting enough to consider.
Now to Nursegirl (aka poopy pants because that seems to be a theme in your posts), Have you ever considered taking the calcium supplement Caltrate with vitamin D? They come in soft chews and if you take a couple of these chewy toffee type supplements a day, it may help with your poopy pants situation. My preference is the vanilla but they come in chocolate flavour too...just a thought. Women should take a calcium supplement anyway if they don't get enough in their normal diet. The added benefit of the Caltrate is that it can be a little binding so, it may help with the poopy pants.
MrGreen, Although I initially found the fact that they gave free travel passes to agoraphobics, rather amusing, I rethought it and I think I would have considered it incentive to get out and use it to go one stop at a time to get back into travelling again. This may not have happened immediately after receiving it, but I think it would have given me the push to at-least try it. That's just the kind of girl I am...annoying eh!
(Just kidding, I think)
Interesting that you should mention the invitation to visit. My friend that I have been mentioning all through this discussion lives in the U.S. and we have been friends for about six years now ONLY through phone calls and email. We met on another forum for panic and anxiety and have remained very close friends. I've seen pictures of her family and because I don't take many pictures, she has only seen one of me with my family. Now that my husband is retired, I want, at sometime to go and visit her. I do have some concerns about a face to face meeting with her because we have such a great relationship and I don't want that to change in case it is awkward for either one of us because of our GAD, panic and agoraphobia, but I still would love to try it. We already know where we would stay if we go there because we don't go anywhere without our dog and would need to stay in a hotel that is pet friendly. So that would be my safe place there. I don't know when we will do this trip, it may be next year or the year after because it is very far away from here and we have other obligations this year. I leave for Florida in a couple of weeks to visit my sister and then later in the fall, I hope to go to Ottawa, Quebec City, and Montreal (where I grew up). Now that my husband is retired, he wants to do some more travelling and I am going to do it with him and looking at it as therapy and hopefully pleasure too. I am a determined person who does not want this annoying disorder to govern my life.
Quote:
OK, so tell me: because it is I -your forum friend JSGeare (John Scott Geare)- would this qualify my place as a safe zone even though you have never been here and have never met me? Does the fact that my picture appears here make any difference
As for going to your place, I'm not sure if I could do that so early in our relationship. LOL But, maybe once I get to know you and Heather better, I would consider it. I'll take a look at your pictures and Google your address. Having your picture on your profile does help somewhat...at the very least, I would know who would be greeting me and it certainly does help with that part of the anxiety. I will not put my picture on my profile, even though I have now revealed so much information about myself. It is my one form of at-least a little anonymity, which I am still holding on to. To truly answer you question, I might actually take the chance and I don't know if it would be a safe zone until I got there BUT my sense is, that it probably would be because I have seen some of the pictures on your profile page and your place looks very inviting and you are one of US, the chosen few who knows what it is like to go through panic. That in itself make it interesting enough to consider.
Now to Nursegirl (aka poopy pants because that seems to be a theme in your posts), Have you ever considered taking the calcium supplement Caltrate with vitamin D? They come in soft chews and if you take a couple of these chewy toffee type supplements a day, it may help with your poopy pants situation. My preference is the vanilla but they come in chocolate flavour too...just a thought. Women should take a calcium supplement anyway if they don't get enough in their normal diet. The added benefit of the Caltrate is that it can be a little binding so, it may help with the poopy pants.
MrGreen, Although I initially found the fact that they gave free travel passes to agoraphobics, rather amusing, I rethought it and I think I would have considered it incentive to get out and use it to go one stop at a time to get back into travelling again. This may not have happened immediately after receiving it, but I think it would have given me the push to at-least try it. That's just the kind of girl I am...annoying eh!
OK, JS, I could have gone all morning without hearing about that elevator scenario! LOL I guess it's back to taking the stairs for me! Months and months of CBT down the tubes!
(Just kidding, I think)
Interesting that you should mention the invitation to visit. My friend that I have been mentioning all through this discussion lives in the U.S. and we have been friends for about six years now ONLY through phone calls and email. We met on another forum for panic and anxiety and have remained very close friends. I've seen pictures of her family and because I don't take many pictures, she has only seen one of me with my family. Now that my husband is retired, I want, at sometime to go and visit her. I do have some concerns about a face to face meeting with her because we have such a great relationship and I don't want that to change in case it is awkward for either one of us because of our GAD, panic and agoraphobia, but I still would love to try it. We already know where we would stay if we go there because we don't go anywhere without our dog and would need to stay in a hotel that is pet friendly. So that would be my safe place there. I don't know when we will do this trip, it may be next year or the year after because it is very far away from here and we have other obligations this year. I leave for Florida in a couple of weeks to visit my sister and then later in the fall, I hope to go to Ottawa, Quebec City, and Montreal (where I grew up). Now that my husband is retired, he wants to do some more travelling and I am going to do it with him and looking at it as therapy and hopefully pleasure too. I am a determined person who does not want this annoying disorder to govern my life.
Quote:
OK, so tell me: because it is I -your forum friend JSGeare (John Scott Geare)- would this qualify my place as a safe zone even though you have never been here and have never met me? Does the fact that my picture appears here make any difference
As for going to your place, I'm not sure if I could do that so early in our relationship. LOL But, maybe once I get to know you and Heather better, I would consider it. I'll take a look at your pictures and Google your address. Having your picture on your profile does help somewhat...at the very least, I would know who would be greeting me and it certainly does help with that part of the anxiety. I will not put my picture on my profile, even though I have now revealed so much information about myself. It is my one form of at-least a little anonymity, which I am still holding on to. To truly answer you question, I might actually take the chance and I don't know if it would be a safe zone until I got there BUT my sense is, that it probably would be because I have seen some of the pictures on your profile page and your place looks very inviting and you are one of US, the chosen few who knows what it is like to go through panic. That in itself make it interesting enough to consider.
Now to Nursegirl (aka poopy pants because that seems to be a theme in your posts), Have you ever considered taking the calcium supplement Caltrate with vitamin D? They come in soft chews and if you take a couple of these chewy toffee type supplements a day, it may help with your poopy pants situation. My preference is the vanilla but they come in chocolate flavour too...just a thought. Women should take a calcium supplement anyway if they don't get enough in their normal diet. The added benefit of the Caltrate is that it can be a little binding so, it may help with the poopy pants.
MrGreen, Although I initially found the fact that they gave free travel passes to agoraphobics, rather amusing, I rethought it and I think I would have considered it incentive to get out and use it to go one stop at a time to get back into travelling again. This may not have happened immediately after receiving it, but I think it would have given me the push to at-least try it. That's just the kind of girl I am...annoying eh!
(Just kidding, I think)
Interesting that you should mention the invitation to visit. My friend that I have been mentioning all through this discussion lives in the U.S. and we have been friends for about six years now ONLY through phone calls and email. We met on another forum for panic and anxiety and have remained very close friends. I've seen pictures of her family and because I don't take many pictures, she has only seen one of me with my family. Now that my husband is retired, I want, at sometime to go and visit her. I do have some concerns about a face to face meeting with her because we have such a great relationship and I don't want that to change in case it is awkward for either one of us because of our GAD, panic and agoraphobia, but I still would love to try it. We already know where we would stay if we go there because we don't go anywhere without our dog and would need to stay in a hotel that is pet friendly. So that would be my safe place there. I don't know when we will do this trip, it may be next year or the year after because it is very far away from here and we have other obligations this year. I leave for Florida in a couple of weeks to visit my sister and then later in the fall, I hope to go to Ottawa, Quebec City, and Montreal (where I grew up). Now that my husband is retired, he wants to do some more travelling and I am going to do it with him and looking at it as therapy and hopefully pleasure too. I am a determined person who does not want this annoying disorder to govern my life.
Quote:
OK, so tell me: because it is I -your forum friend JSGeare (John Scott Geare)- would this qualify my place as a safe zone even though you have never been here and have never met me? Does the fact that my picture appears here make any difference
As for going to your place, I'm not sure if I could do that so early in our relationship. LOL But, maybe once I get to know you and Heather better, I would consider it. I'll take a look at your pictures and Google your address. Having your picture on your profile does help somewhat...at the very least, I would know who would be greeting me and it certainly does help with that part of the anxiety. I will not put my picture on my profile, even though I have now revealed so much information about myself. It is my one form of at-least a little anonymity, which I am still holding on to. To truly answer you question, I might actually take the chance and I don't know if it would be a safe zone until I got there BUT my sense is, that it probably would be because I have seen some of the pictures on your profile page and your place looks very inviting and you are one of US, the chosen few who knows what it is like to go through panic. That in itself make it interesting enough to consider.
Now to Nursegirl (aka poopy pants because that seems to be a theme in your posts), Have you ever considered taking the calcium supplement Caltrate with vitamin D? They come in soft chews and if you take a couple of these chewy toffee type supplements a day, it may help with your poopy pants situation. My preference is the vanilla but they come in chocolate flavour too...just a thought. Women should take a calcium supplement anyway if they don't get enough in their normal diet. The added benefit of the Caltrate is that it can be a little binding so, it may help with the poopy pants.
MrGreen, Although I initially found the fact that they gave free travel passes to agoraphobics, rather amusing, I rethought it and I think I would have considered it incentive to get out and use it to go one stop at a time to get back into travelling again. This may not have happened immediately after receiving it, but I think it would have given me the push to at-least try it. That's just the kind of girl I am...annoying eh!
Hey guys!
First, bug higs to dear {{{wolfie}}}...I applaud you for facing this and exploring it. NOT an easy task I know.
Everyone (esp barfer) did such a great job explaining the "safe place/safe zone"...and I wanted to concur that YES, it IS portable sometimes.
Example...last year, I started struggling with some pretty significant panic/agor right before a vacation that involved a 12 hour drive (Helllllloooooo POOPY PANTS!).
Needless to say...I had a LOT of anxiety about it considering that leading up to the vacation, travelling more than a few miles from my home, my "safe place" caused some pretty nasty anxiety for me. Well, in a nutshell, I survived the drive, and it was actually a bit better than I thought.
Got to our beach house and generally enjoyed myself. I settled in to our "temporary" home and became quite comfy there. But, LOL...I VERY seldom left that beach house to go out to eat, etc. I limited myself quite a bit, and became quite anxious when we DID go out and do "vacation" things. The worst invloved a 45 min drive to vist my Aunt and Uncle in their new home, where they had JUST moved from our hometown. I was anxious when we left, and anxious again when we left to return to the beach house. BUT, my anxiety started to improve the closer we got to our "temporary" home. CRAZY!!
I also felt a good deal of anxiety the day we left to go HOME home. Basically...this beach house had become my new "safe place". Neat, huh?
THAT is how the safe zone can be portable. The boundaries aren't always clearly defined, as we tend to have good days and bad...but I think most people would agree, that as a RULE, most agoraphobics have a VERY clear boundary in their minds. Like, "I won't go beyond Road A, and no way on Highway B to the East, but Highway B to the West is fine." It's when we have to go outside those boundaries is when the anxiety spikes.
Even myself...the highway is a source of angst for me...so literally, if I am sitting at the traffic light that turns on to the on-ramp to said highway...my anxiety is pretty darn high. Then, initially, after I turn onto that on ramp...it goes even a bit higher...as I feel like there is "no turning back" on that damn ramp.
THEN, the situational saviors (my own term) come into play...where I start planning ahead in my mind...where each exit is, should I need a quick escape...even as far as "Gee, how wide in that berm...could I actually drive on it if there was a bad accident and horrid traffic and I needed to get out after pooping my pants??? (what if's)". While those things would be silly to a non-anxious/agoraphobic person...they are anxiety quenchers for a lot of us. They make us feel safer. Always planning the way "out".
Hope that helps you, wolfie...and as you learn more about yourself with agoraphobia...you'll realize that while we all have very different quirks, the basic premise is the same in all of us. The need for feeling "safe" and in control.
There are also "safe people"..but I'll get into that a bit later...my coffee has gotten cold...lol.
GREAT great great topic barfer!!!!! I could talk about this subject for WEEKS on end. I'm learning so much from you all, and really feel good about sharing my experiences and the things that have helped me.
First, bug higs to dear {{{wolfie}}}...I applaud you for facing this and exploring it. NOT an easy task I know.
Everyone (esp barfer) did such a great job explaining the "safe place/safe zone"...and I wanted to concur that YES, it IS portable sometimes.
Example...last year, I started struggling with some pretty significant panic/agor right before a vacation that involved a 12 hour drive (Helllllloooooo POOPY PANTS!).
Needless to say...I had a LOT of anxiety about it considering that leading up to the vacation, travelling more than a few miles from my home, my "safe place" caused some pretty nasty anxiety for me. Well, in a nutshell, I survived the drive, and it was actually a bit better than I thought.
Got to our beach house and generally enjoyed myself. I settled in to our "temporary" home and became quite comfy there. But, LOL...I VERY seldom left that beach house to go out to eat, etc. I limited myself quite a bit, and became quite anxious when we DID go out and do "vacation" things. The worst invloved a 45 min drive to vist my Aunt and Uncle in their new home, where they had JUST moved from our hometown. I was anxious when we left, and anxious again when we left to return to the beach house. BUT, my anxiety started to improve the closer we got to our "temporary" home. CRAZY!!
I also felt a good deal of anxiety the day we left to go HOME home. Basically...this beach house had become my new "safe place". Neat, huh?
THAT is how the safe zone can be portable. The boundaries aren't always clearly defined, as we tend to have good days and bad...but I think most people would agree, that as a RULE, most agoraphobics have a VERY clear boundary in their minds. Like, "I won't go beyond Road A, and no way on Highway B to the East, but Highway B to the West is fine." It's when we have to go outside those boundaries is when the anxiety spikes.
Even myself...the highway is a source of angst for me...so literally, if I am sitting at the traffic light that turns on to the on-ramp to said highway...my anxiety is pretty darn high. Then, initially, after I turn onto that on ramp...it goes even a bit higher...as I feel like there is "no turning back" on that damn ramp.
THEN, the situational saviors (my own term) come into play...where I start planning ahead in my mind...where each exit is, should I need a quick escape...even as far as "Gee, how wide in that berm...could I actually drive on it if there was a bad accident and horrid traffic and I needed to get out after pooping my pants??? (what if's)". While those things would be silly to a non-anxious/agoraphobic person...they are anxiety quenchers for a lot of us. They make us feel safer. Always planning the way "out".
Hope that helps you, wolfie...and as you learn more about yourself with agoraphobia...you'll realize that while we all have very different quirks, the basic premise is the same in all of us. The need for feeling "safe" and in control.
There are also "safe people"..but I'll get into that a bit later...my coffee has gotten cold...lol.
GREAT great great topic barfer!!!!! I could talk about this subject for WEEKS on end. I'm learning so much from you all, and really feel good about sharing my experiences and the things that have helped me.
That kind of stuff slays me.
Don't know where I saw/heard it, but some "news" items went something like this:
"Funeral Home Operators Face Stiff Penalties," and,
"Asked to explain the unusually large number of lambs in the flock this year, the farmer said that adding male stock in the past fall evidently had very serious ramifications."
Then this one:
Moe: It's getting DARK outside.
Joe: Ideal conditions for night!
Somebody delete me, I'm beggin' you.
Don't know where I saw/heard it, but some "news" items went something like this:
"Funeral Home Operators Face Stiff Penalties," and,
"Asked to explain the unusually large number of lambs in the flock this year, the farmer said that adding male stock in the past fall evidently had very serious ramifications."
Then this one:
Moe: It's getting DARK outside.
Joe: Ideal conditions for night!
Somebody delete me, I'm beggin' you.
Mas as well toss in the tv sitcom gag. Father Ted. Amusing sitcom about priests who livwe on an island off the coast of Ireland. Not sure if the word ' argo ' is used for a fight in America? It is over here. In one episode the following lines appeared -
Father Ted: Maybe he's agoraphobic.
Father Dougal: Jack scared of fighting? I don't think so, Ted.
Father Ted: Maybe he's agoraphobic.
Father Dougal: Jack scared of fighting? I don't think so, Ted.
You're kidding me, right? You file for disability on agoraphobia -and get a travel pass. And they ask us why we drink.
Oh, yeah, and their is something that makes a lot of sense to me about a claustrophobic who "comes out of the closet."
More on the agoraphobia boundaries. A friend of mine has the big "A." She can drive WEST from her city but not EAST from her city on a particular highway. She has no clue as to why this should be so.
And there is nothing like a "stuck" elevator to show you who is whom. While in the midts of some panic years, when I was working in down town DC, the elevator to my office DID get stuck. Four people on board. One was a co-worker: a fiesty, in-your-face bond underwriter in my company, two workers from other offices, and I. A classic situation. The power dies, the elevator stops, the power comes back on, the elevator just sits. Its a hot July morning, the elevator is small. What happens. Well, of course, my adrenalin starts pumping but I'm really not too bad -I've never had the elevator problem (I actually like them). The feisty gal starts stabbing all the buttons, then wisely picks up the phone which is connected, it turns out, to the police, or fire and rescue or something like that. She reports the problem as though the person to whom she is talking to actually owns and has copntrol of the lift. One of the strangers says, "This should be fun" in a slightly nervous, joking way. And the big guy? He does the white-eye roll back, leans against the back wall and begins to faint. Finally, I and my co-worker manage to get our fingers betwixt the doors and we pull them apart. And there we are, half way between floors, so that the floor of the lift is half way between floor and ceiling of the office level where we're stuck: we've got to hunch down and jump into the reception area there, which we do. We are followed by the other lady. The big guy? I'll never know what happened to him -he was out like a mackeral. Well, at least I found out what I was like on a stuck elevator. From that time forward I have always carried a deck of cards.
I really appreciate the responses to my questions about the "portability" of the safe zones. Now, another question. Let's say Heather and I invite you all to my place. No, let me re-phrase that supposition: We hereby DO invite you all to my house. You can google the address: 3418 Meadowwood Lane Crozet, VA 22932. There you will see an accurate map to my house. And you can see a few pix on my photos of what the place is like. For the sake of argument, pretend that overnight accomodations have been satisfactorily resolved, as have been means of transportation; that is, there are no impediments to getting here and spending a day or two. And pretend that cost is not an issue.
OK, so tell me: because it is I -your forum friend JSGeare (John Scott Geare)- would this qualify my place as a safe zone even though you have never been here and have never met me? Does the fact that my picture appears here make any difference?
These little stories are not just interesting -they may really tells us something about how "psychological" our boundaries truly are,and, who knows, may yield some clues as to how we learn to push them back some more. So, if you are willing...please respond.
Oh, yeah, and their is something that makes a lot of sense to me about a claustrophobic who "comes out of the closet."
More on the agoraphobia boundaries. A friend of mine has the big "A." She can drive WEST from her city but not EAST from her city on a particular highway. She has no clue as to why this should be so.
And there is nothing like a "stuck" elevator to show you who is whom. While in the midts of some panic years, when I was working in down town DC, the elevator to my office DID get stuck. Four people on board. One was a co-worker: a fiesty, in-your-face bond underwriter in my company, two workers from other offices, and I. A classic situation. The power dies, the elevator stops, the power comes back on, the elevator just sits. Its a hot July morning, the elevator is small. What happens. Well, of course, my adrenalin starts pumping but I'm really not too bad -I've never had the elevator problem (I actually like them). The feisty gal starts stabbing all the buttons, then wisely picks up the phone which is connected, it turns out, to the police, or fire and rescue or something like that. She reports the problem as though the person to whom she is talking to actually owns and has copntrol of the lift. One of the strangers says, "This should be fun" in a slightly nervous, joking way. And the big guy? He does the white-eye roll back, leans against the back wall and begins to faint. Finally, I and my co-worker manage to get our fingers betwixt the doors and we pull them apart. And there we are, half way between floors, so that the floor of the lift is half way between floor and ceiling of the office level where we're stuck: we've got to hunch down and jump into the reception area there, which we do. We are followed by the other lady. The big guy? I'll never know what happened to him -he was out like a mackeral. Well, at least I found out what I was like on a stuck elevator. From that time forward I have always carried a deck of cards.
I really appreciate the responses to my questions about the "portability" of the safe zones. Now, another question. Let's say Heather and I invite you all to my place. No, let me re-phrase that supposition: We hereby DO invite you all to my house. You can google the address: 3418 Meadowwood Lane Crozet, VA 22932. There you will see an accurate map to my house. And you can see a few pix on my photos of what the place is like. For the sake of argument, pretend that overnight accomodations have been satisfactorily resolved, as have been means of transportation; that is, there are no impediments to getting here and spending a day or two. And pretend that cost is not an issue.
OK, so tell me: because it is I -your forum friend JSGeare (John Scott Geare)- would this qualify my place as a safe zone even though you have never been here and have never met me? Does the fact that my picture appears here make any difference?
These little stories are not just interesting -they may really tells us something about how "psychological" our boundaries truly are,and, who knows, may yield some clues as to how we learn to push them back some more. So, if you are willing...please respond.
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