Almost empty nest... :(

[BluCrystal]

For more background on my issues, please see 'switching from ativan to klonopin' under this topic.  My question is this: i have no idea what to do with myself without kids!  Any ideas are welcome.

[BluCrystal]

Doing better today... with the help of another sedative I got from a freind.  I know thats bad.  She gave them to me because she is aware of my plight, and she also knows not to let me have any more than the few she let me have already.  I just want a break from being miserable, and it is very nice right now.  Promise not to continue after they are gone! :)  I dont have many anyways.  And they make me stop thinking suicidally, too! :)  But I did have my husband hide my benzos, and to only let me have access to a day or two's worth at a time, just for now.  I think that is a safe thing to do.  Thats all for now... evryone have a good day! - Blu

[BluCrystal]

THANK YOU both... i will try, soon, but not today as i fell like i live in the pit of hell today... of course i will remember everyone here who has helped me and i am more than willing to return the favor at any time!  Thanks for the naked giggle... first lil smile ive had today. :)

[mammo]

Hi.  I was once, where you are with the empty nest syndrome.  All I ever wanted in life was to be a mom, and never thought beyond that!  But I can tell you that you will get used to it and even enjoy it.  I found myself doing more with my fellow empty nester friends, volunteering more at church, mentoring children and pampering myself a lot!  It is very hard at first, but the more you do for yourself the more you will enjoy this time. You're so used to having to always put your children first that now you don't know what to do with you!  Before long grandkids will come along and once again the house is filled with all the familiar sounds we miss so much. We give our children two things....roots and wings... never thinking they'll use those wings to fly away.  It's bittersweet for us because we have obviously done our job well for them to be independent and successful...which is what we've always wanted for them, but now we have to rediscover who we are and what we enjoy.  One thing I find nice is that our house is clean all the time so when the grandkids are here...it's a free for all...I don't even make my bed...I get on their level and all we do is have fun!  Then they go home and although you miss them tremendously, you will enjoy getting things back in order and the peace and quiet. Try to think of all the things you always wanted to do but were too busy raising the kids.  It's an adjustment but once you get going there will be no stopping you, and you will have the best of both worlds.  I truly understand what a sad time this can be, and how we can feel "not needed".  We are nurturers by nature and always want to care for someone or something.  One thing which helped me a lot in the beginning was getting a dog.  We went for walks and met lots of other dogs and their owners, and it gave me something to nurture and love, and something that needed me......we want to feel needed and useful.  Start out slow doing things that interest you and the more you do, the more you'll want to do.  I know it's hard but it's now time for you, and little by little you're going to truly value your "me" time!  It feels like a tremendous loss, but in reality you're gaining a lot.  Stay strong, and do something special for yourself tomorrow.  I wish you all the best.

[nursegirl6572]

Sleep naked?  Run around naked?  Sing as loud as you can, naked?  Eat whatever whenever, naked?  Sit at your computer, naked?  Spend time with your hubby, naked?

Ok okay....I just wanted to make you laugh or smile.  While this is a rough time during the transition, try to think of some of the positive aspects of having some "me" time again!  You've spent 18 years doing everything for your kids, so of course you feel lost.  Think back to the younger years when you used to say..."I wish I could......" and fill in the blanks with stuff you couldn't do easily or freely with the kids around.  LONG uninterrupted baths?  Sleeping in?  NOT making dinner?  Night out with your girlfriends?

My kids are 13 and 8 and I have those "I wish..." thoughts ALL the time.  Not because I don't LOVE my children, but because our "me" becomes "mom" the moment we have kids and that is always number 1 priority until they're grown, with us sacrificing things we would really like to do for ourselves.  Sure, there are those women who make it a POINT to go to spas and retreats and what not, but really?  Do YOU know any of them?  I know *I* don't, and I probably would force myself into not liking them anyway, just because....well because they go to spas and retreats  ;0)

I'll look back on my words some day when I'm slobbering tears on my keyboard begging you to tell me what I'm supposed to do without my kids...I hope you remember something to tell me that I'm sure you'll soon learn.  If all else fails, just tell me to get naked.  At least I know I'll laugh.

You're going to be sad, but there ARE going to be good things that come out of this...and while I wish your sons nothing but success and independence, they're young.  I'm willing to bet before long they'll be baaaaacccckkkk.  And, if enough time has passed for you to enjoy your nakedness, I'm betting my bottom dollar (pun intended) your locks will be changed by then!

Keep the faith hon!