Scared of my dad?

[jo45202]

I am not sure if there is even anything wrong with me or if anything has happened to me when i was a child, but when i'm with my dad i feel disgusted and scared. Mostly disgusted really and i don't know why. My parents divorced when i was 4 years old and i have been living with my mom. I tought it's because i just haven't gotten used to having him around but i'm afarid it might be more than that. I asked my mom if he has ever hit me or anything but she says he hasn't, so i'm wondering why do i feel that disgusted around my own dad? I hope you'll have the interest to answer me, thank you.

[Life360_Dave]

Maybe you know hes your father but your not close to him and have not spent much time with him. You have feelings of the love for a dad but you dont know him in that way, so your feeling of love and closeness are more for a stanger and to have these feelings for stranger makes you feel dirty and disgusted.
Also feeling of love for a person that has had prison type bars in front of you makes you feel that your love is for a dirty person.
Why are you so sure he did something to you? Maybe because he did nothing to you and has been gone you dont want to share your love for him.

[jo45202]

Well either way he did something to me when i was a kid because i don't remember much about my past or there is something wrong with my head

[Life360_Dave]

Feelings like yours dont just pop up, they stem from a suspicion, things you have heard or resentment, to list a few. Just give one reason no matter how vague.

[jo45202]

I gave it some tought and honestly i have no idea

[Life360_Dave]

Why do you feel disgusted and dirty around him? You do know the answer but maybe feel funny saying it. Just give it a try with some of your thoughts.

[jo45202]

No, he dosn't know i feel this way, because before i was even born he had depression and i'm scared if i say anything it might trigger something. About 3 or 4 years ago i hadn't seen my dad for a while, he was in some sort of institute that had prision bars, security at the door and some other patienc wathing tv in the room. I was happy to see him again but immediately as he stroked my face, my hair and was holding my hand i started to feel really disgusted. I wanted to scream at him to not to touch me and run away but i couldn't do sometghing like that, he was so happy to see me so i endured it. Sence then when i have gotten home from seeing my dad and if he has held my hand or something similar i feel like i should wash my hands because i feel disgusted and dirty.

[oldie]

What do you mean by 'or anything'? Is he aware of your feelings? Please be absolutely certain of your evidence before going any further.