ahem...i just joined! my story, and yours?

[asailorswife]

it's 4:19am here in florida - and all i can do is type away on my keyboard.
why, you ask? the same reason you're possibly reading this...
my anxiety has gotten the best of me tonight, and cannot sleep because of it.
i'm 30 years old, and i cannot sleep tonight.

because i can't sleep, i want to share my story and see if maybe it helps someone, and see if [most importantly] i can get some feedback from others who may or may not go through similar things as i do. the best thing for a panic attack sufferer, like myself, is and always will be reassurance. am i right, or am i right?

about four years ago, i had horrible abdominal cramping. my [then] boyfriend took me to the ER [i went to the ER about everything, it honestly wasn't an emergency] and the doctor came in to see me shortly after i was settled into my room there. it was then that he told me his nurse was coming in to administer IV fluids and medicine through my IV to help me through until after they did scans of my abdominal region. a few minutes later, the nurse came in and began to put something into my IV. about 10 seconds into the second vile of medicine, i started to feel weird. my heart started to race, my face got beads of sweat all over my forehead, cheeks and chin, i felt clammy all over the place -- and because i was in the ER, i had all sorts of wires coming out of me, checking my pulse, blood pressure and all that other great stuff. next thing i know, the machines were going off left and right. my heart rate was 163 and my BP was all out of whack. long story short, i was released against medical advice a couple hours later after i had calmed down. the prognosis was that i had a mild/slight reaction to the medication that was given to me.

because of this, i am scared of doctors. so much so, that i was diagnosed with white coat syndrome. and yes, folks, there's really a 'thing' called white coat syndrome.

since that night, i have had panic attacks. by all means, they're not regular until recently. they used to come and go every blue moon directly after this ER visit incident. lately, they've thrived.

i used to L-O-V-E driving. now, i will do anything not to get on the highway or go over a bridge. and with a husband in the navy, where we currently live, you have to go over a bridge to get anywhere. which stinks royally for me. i'm 14 hours from home, with a husband who is constantly gone because of his career - and i am miserable.

so... with that being said, please know that i do not take medications. not even tylenol. i have also tried the therapist route. but unfortunately, we've not lived anywhere long enough to get a thorough experience with said therapist in. any suggestions?

[asailorswife]

thanks for the response.

yes, i am also a recovering addict of four years now. i don't think that this has anything to do with why i have panic attacks though. i also don't feel as though i was an addict because i used the pills to mask what was going on anxiety wise. i got addicted to the pills and became dependant upon them because of a doctor. he didn't put a gun to my head and tell me to take them, but i kept getting scripts from him, even when i had plenty pills left. he did the same to my father. but that is another story, and he didn't get addicted. i did.

thanks again!

[nursegirl6572]

Hello there!

I see from your posts in our substance abuse community, that you have a history of addiction (btw, congrats on your clean time!).  People with anxiety and depression really are at a much higher risk for addiction as they often self medicate with drugs and/or alcohol to treat their symptoms.  I think it's important for you explore all of those connections with a therapist.  The better you manage your anxiety, the more you protect your sobriety...and the more you work on your sobriety, the more "in check" your anxiety will be.  They definitely are related and will affect each other.  

I agree that you should seek out a therapist who is well versed in CBT.  It's a great therapy method that helps you to basically retrain the way you think about things (for you, obviously a big one would be the white coat syndrome).  Ask your doc for a referral.  

"with moving around so much, it may not be worth it to start it up, only to have to leave shortly after."

Unfortunately, being the wife of a military man, that's your reality (please thank him for his service!).  I don't think you should let that stop you from seeking out a therapist.  I know it stinks to have to move around, but you could definitely make some progress with a therapist, then find a new one when you relocate.  It's just something you have to contend with..but don't let it deter you from seeking out the help.

Best of luck, let us know how you're doing!

[asailorswife]

i may just try that - but unsure as of just yet. my husband is active duty military, so insurance and good coverage isn't a huge issue. but at the same time, with moving around so much, it may not be worth it to start it up, only to have to leave shortly after.

[Paxiled]

What you want is a therapist who does CBT.  To find one you may have to go out of network, as most don't work with insurance.  It might work for you, might not, but it's certainly worth a try.

[asailorswife]

thanks for the response!!

[Dave2436]

I completely understand your new found fear of doctors. Experiences like yours are the reason that people get phobias. I have a phobia about the dentist. I still go, but it is really stressful each time. It started when I was about 12 years old and my parents gave me a $20 bill for a dental appointment which I would do after school on the way home. The dentist drilled a tooth with no anesthetic which scarred me for life. Then when I was done I asked how much I owed. He asked how much I had and I said $20. He said that will be $20. This was back in the late 60's so $20 was more than enough. That dentist gave me my dental phobia. Like you, I used to be "pill free" and would refuse to even take an aspirin or tylenol. I suffered needlessly for decades until I realized that I was accomplishing nothing. I still watch what I take but I no longer suffer with headaches and will pop a tylenol or aspirin with no problem. I think one of the best medicines is exercise, as it releases endorphines and makes you burn off stress hormones. Try some heavy cardio and see if you sleep better.

[asailorswife]

no, i haven't gone to a doctor out here about it.

and i never knew they had people you could speak with over the phone via the military, if you don't feel like going in to actually see the doctor. i may have to look into that -- thanks so much!

[Dolphinleiker]

Im sorry to hear that you have had a rough time.I know how difficult it is being married to a military man. Do you want to take medications? have you tried natural therapies? Have you tried talking to a military doctor at the local VA hospital? They have online or phone anxiety therapists you can talk to if you dont want to want to do to go to a doctor. Try doing some baby steps go out for a walk, or a run not too far or however far you feel comfortable with and slowly go farther each day or week and then trying driving. It might help you. Good luck!